Thank You

Thank you to everyone who read my ramble/venting post yesterday. I appreciate all the supportative comments and ideas, I do not know what I would do without my cyber stepmom group. It is nice to know I am not alone and have made some new friends in the process.



I know this adjustment takes time, and I have to have patience and well as the importance of maintaining a positive attitude.


After talking with the BF we actually came to an agreement that a lot of you had suggested, while we cannot control PEG, we could set up our own boundaries to try to cut PEG out of the picture, to where she can only disturb or bother us when we allow it. So now, every Wed on call day if she does not answer we will give her until 8:15pm. That is 45 minutes. If we have not heard back or get a text back, the BF will turn his phone off so it is no longer a worry or concern.


The BF repeated that he has tried all attempts with PEG and the only thing that has worked so far is ignoring her and not biting at one of her traps. He told me the sooner I can let that go the sooner I will feel better and will be much happier. I know he is right and that is what I am going to strive for. I think deep down I was blaming him for her contact, I mean after all he made his poor past decisions that have put us in this position BUT the only reason they are in contact today and he cannot just block her number is because of the son.


He made a commitment to himself and to the son that he would be a part of his life no matter how mean or hurtful PEG was, the son is more important and PEG's crap is just something to ignore. I give the BF a lot of respect for being able to cut PEG out of his head, he does not let her get to him at all. It truly amazes me, now hopefully I can gain better control on how I react and can realize he cannot control her either.


This role is full of learning experiences and I know all of it is making me a much more accepting, better person in general.


The BF gave me some great advice I would like to share. It is very simple, he said, "Enjoy the son, and ignore PEG."


So tomorrow, we are off to the BF's Christmas party for my old company. Kind of funny I am going as his date. The company paid for our flights and a very fancy hotel. I am super excited about our little weekend getaway. Should be a lot of fun! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Self-Deception....Am I the problem?

Peggy Nolan, otherwise known as tool box girl re-posted an old post about self-deception and the book that inspired her post from the Arbinger Institue called "Leadership and Self-Deception."  Click here.

Reading her post again for the second time made me realize I am guilty of just that.  I blame PEG, I blame the BF, I blame the son for my problems and insecurities instead of really digging deep within myself and admitting I am the problem.  Tough pill to swallow and one I have a hard time fully accepting and admitting.


Her re-post could not have come at a more appropriate time. I let my jealousy, insecurity, and self-deception get in the way of my happiness and my evening. Do you wish your life were a movie? So that if you messed up, acted badly, or said the wrong thing someone would yell, "CUT" and you could have a redo? I wish it could be that easy sometimes, that I could get a better handle on my emotions, truly understand why I feel the way I do and channel that into something positive instead of letting it effect my life and those around me negatively.


The BF doesn't think he makes me happy, he couldn't be further from the truth and if he could see what was in my heart he would know that, however how can he based on my re-actions, my defensive stance, constantly putting him in the middle, and telling him it's not enough? How could anyone?


He cannot read my mind and if my life were a movie, I would be able to rewind and watch my actions on screen. That might be just the revelation I need. I think I would be truly shocked at how I reacted to something so small, and something so insignificant, all so I could steal the spotlight and try to make it about me. Why is it so hard for me to let go of the control I do not have but keep wanting? Why can't I realize that if I cannot let go of wanting to control PEG I will never be truly be happy and free. I am letting PEG control me and in turn, it is driving a wedge between the BF and I. I am ruining the best thing that has ever happened to me for what exactly?? Whom am I fighting? What am I trying to win?


Last night was our night to talk to the son, of course at 7:30pm when the BF calls PEG she does not answer. Forty-five minutes later as we are getting into bed to watch one of our shows she sends him a text that says, "Hey were on our way home sorry I forgot about it being wed call in 20 min?"


We were getting ready to watch the show, I was going to give the BF a backrub and a happy ending which we had both been looking forward to, without asking me he texts her back ok and then lets me know the son is going to call in 20 minutes. I am mad, I am mad we have been waiting an hour to see whether or not she would return the call, I am mad that PEG is now invading OUR time and I am mad this is the second week in a row she is pulling this crap. I feel like we need to set boundaries and ignore her if she is late, but the BF wants to talk to the son and technically its not like we were doing anything so letting him call late really was not a BIG deal, but I MADE it one. I was trying to control the situation, I wanted to hurt PEG like she has hurt me, but what I failed to realize was that does not hurt PEG that feeds her need for drama, it would give her ammunition and the only person it would hurt is the son and the BF. The two people I care most about and love.


Anyway the conversation started going in circles, every argument we have ever had got brought up last night which finally led the BF to say, "I do not think we have any other choice but to call this off." "You think I have changed, I do not think I have, maybe you see something in me I do not see or want to realize, maybe I have changed and this is not going to work out."


That turning point made me want to throw up. Why was I bringing up stuff I did not really believe? Why was I trying to pick apart and over-analyze every single thing he has done or not done.....why?


I know why, it is because I am not happy with myself, I have a lot to work on and I feel ugly on the inside, I feel anger, pain, jealousy and its making me feel black on the inside. I am to blame for all of this and I have to be the one to change if I want to fix the damage done and if I want to marry my best friend.


Why am I ruining my own life? Why am I trying to push him away, why can't I accept he loves me, he chooses me and I have to stop thinking about all the what-ifs and how many different ways I could get hurt. Letting down your guard, accepting, and admitting your own faults are not an easy thing, especially for me.


Only I can fix my issues, only I can save me. I finally have the control I have so desperately been fighting for, what I failed to realize was I have had this control the ENTIRE time, the control I have over myself.

Will it be enough? Can I change?

Wedding Planning

Well I am happy to post something on here that does not have to do with PEG and her craziness. However before I get started, tonight is our call with the son so hopefully we get to talk to him.

Now on to better and happier things...last night the BF and I met with the minister who is going to marry us. She is so kind, and such an understanding woman. I am so happy we found her. She did not make me feel bad for the fact we have both been married and the BF has a child from a previous relationship. What a refreshing change to be accepted and not to be judged. I knew at that moment she was the perfect person to be marrying us and I am SO EXCITED we found her.


The wedding plans have changed a little; originally, we were going to have a "Tying the Knot" party on Sat night and then go to the courthouse on Monday and officially get married. After finding the minister we have now changed the plans to get married that Saturday morning in our home with our family, then load everybody up and go get wedding/family pictures taken, we will come back home, put the son down for a nap and get the house set up for the reception. I ended up deciding I really wanted to get married on the same day so I started looking at other options.


We met with her last night, narrowed down vows, and ring vows with her. I had no idea how many options there would be! Crazy. The BF and I ended up picking the same vows, shocker! We think so much alike.


I got somewhat emotional reading some of the vows and it really got me excited about our big day. Now I have 14 weeks to plan the rest!!!! YIKES, I have a lot to do.....so happy to be doing it. I cannot wait to marry my best friend, my soul mate. He is the love of my life.

Car Accident

I woke up this morning to the BF telling me PEG had called him.  He said, "PEG and the son were in a car accident this morning while she was headed to work.  Someone rear ended them and she left me a voicemail and asked if she should take the son to the doctor?"

He told her to wait and see how he was feeling and to call his doctor tomorrow to ask if she should look for any signs he could have been injured.  Luckily he was tightly strapped in his car seat and other then being scared he looked and acted ok.  Thankfully he is at an age where he would be able to tell you if he was feeling any pain.

He played the voicemail and it was PEG rambling for a few minutes about the accident, she said they were at a red light and the person behind her didn't stop and ran into the back of them. Her back was already really hurting her from the whiplash and went on about how she was feeling instead of about the son.  Every other word was um...um..umm and you could tell she was working up her tears so by the end of the voicemail when she says she dropped the son off at her fathers (he watches the son every Sunday while she works) and he was taking him to church since she could not miss work and didn't have any time off she was near hysterics.  She then says she thinks the son is ok, there was no blood (why would there be in a rear-end accident??) and he was just scared because the donut he had in his hand got knocked out due to impact.

Donut??  I looked at the BF and said she feeds him donuts?  Now personally I have no problem with this, I grew up getting donuts here and there but the day before we got him for Thanksgiving PEG left a 6 min message about HOW NOT to feed the son any kind of SUGAR, POP, or JUNK FOOD.  She said, "I DO NOT ALLOW JUNK FOOD IN MY HOUSE"  She went on and on about how not to feed him sugar because she was worried his teeth would rot out.

I guess eating junk food in the car doesn't count.  The funny part is I believed her, I heard the message and thought, yeah I agree I won't contribute to that and will uphold her wishes.  How stupid was I to believe her, she doesn't do any of that, again its just a double standard to which the BF and I should uphold but she is allowed to do whatever she wants.  Or she just tries to appear as the perfect mother, when anyone knows that is an impossible job. The irony is she lies so much she cannot keep track of them and so she sends up selling herself out.  I also found it funny she tried to play the poor poor me I have no time off crap after supposedly taking the son on a trip earlier this week right after getting back from a 5 day vacation with her family.  Yeah ssssuuuuureeee.

I digress I am very VERY thankful the son is ok, I cannot imagine how scared I would be to be in any kind of car accident (Small or not) with him in my car.  I wish I could see him, and give him a big hug and kiss I wish we could call him tonight and ask if he is ok.

Unfortantely we don't and I am glad if he had to be in a car accident it was with her and not with us.  I also have to believe karma came back to bite her a little bit for her poor behavior of last week.  I do not wish anything bad on PEG but its nice to see that maybe she does pay for her actions once in a while.  I only wish the son would not have been with her at the time.

Friday Night

Well it was no surprise that PEG decided to go ahead and bother us again for the straight 14 day in a row.  I mean seriously does she even realize she sends at least one to two text messages a day to the BF? 98% of those have no merit or purpose, just a random question or statement in the hopes the BF will respond.

So far she has not had any luck.

So Friday night when his phone rang and it listed PEG's name I figured she was letting the son call him since we missed out on our weekly phone call.  He didn't get the phone answered in time but before he waited for a voicemail he called her back.

The son answered and you could tell from the screams and laughter he was pretty hyped up.  You could hear PEG laughing at the son and she kept telling the BF what the son was doing and saying.  In the background you could hear another girl (one of PEG's friends) laughing and commenting on the son as well.

Why did she call us?  The call only lasted about a min or so but it was so hard to hear and the son wasn't paying attention he was acting all crazy and you could tell he was doing and saying whatever she promoted him to.  It was great to hear his voice but why does she leave it on speaker and call when other people are there so that the son is distracted?  It was annoying to say the least.

She then tells the BF after repeating a question to the son who was not answering, "Yeah I don't think he is going to talk anymore." So the BF said ok and hung up.

Then this morning he gets a text that says, "Did you tell the son you were Santa?!"

Followed by another text that said, "The son just told me daddy is Santa."

I swear she comes up with the dumbest questions.  The BF ignored both texts but I wanted to reply, Stop texting me, I do not want to hear from you.  I assume the son was trying to tell her daddy took him to see Santa but who knows, and honestly who even knows if the son said any of this.  PEG tries to grasp at any excuse to text the BF, I wish she had her own life.

Well we are off to one of my friends engagement parties tonight, I am super excited.  Today is our 1 year anniversary, the BF actually brought it up and asked if I remembered what day it was.  DUH!  Hopefully we can get some quality time later! :)

Let the Games Begin..

So I posted yesterday about how PEG did not let us talk to the son on Wednesday. She claimed they had "just landed" and he was asleep, she ended the text message with "Maybe tomorrow."

So tomorrow was yesterday and she never had the son call us...we waited to hear from him but there was nothing.


Then at 9:20pm, the BF received this text:


"Are you calling the son this week????"


The BF turns to show me the text and says Oh my God are you kidding me??


Just another game of hers, notice she waited until after the son was in bed and then asks if the BF is going to call like HE FORGOT or something, he of course ignored her text and never said anything back.


I guess we will not be talking to him until next Wednesday assuming they do not have any other impromptu trips planned. :)


Sometimes you just have to laugh at how stupid PEG really is.


Hope everyone has a great weekend!!! Happy Friday!!

A Little Too Late....

For the first time in 2 1/2 years, the son was dropped off late when being returned to PEG. Let me explain the story and the backlash that came after.



So on Sunday our flight was leaving at 6pm the same time the son needed to be returned to PEG. The BF's parents were kind enough to take us early to the airport so the son could come along and then they were going to drop him off at PEG's house.

A couple reasons why this was a little difficult:
1) The drive to the airport is 1 hour and 30 minutes from the parents' home

2) We were cutting it close on time and there is some road construction

3) The son for the first time got upset over the BF leaving and did not want to say goodbye

4) PEG had changed her plans and was not returning from her holiday trip until that Sunday. She was flying standby and had texted earlier that morning telling us to text her when we were on our way to drop off the son because she might be running late.

5) She dropped the son off in his PJ's so the grandparents also had to get him changed into those before they dropped him off.....can you imagine how fun it is to try and get a kid to put on their PJ's before 6pm?
6) PEG was not late getting home, although she never told us so she was not happy about waiting.


We got on our flight and had talked to the son. The BF's mom texted PEG to let her know the traffic was horrible and they were going to be a little late getting him back. How that conversation went I am not for sure.


All I know is they dropped him off at 6:25, and they both apologized for being late, evidently an apology is not enough for PEG. The fact this was the first time he had ever been late did not matter, and the fact that she herself was almost late did not matter, all that mattered was that he was late, the BF messed up in her eyes and now he was going to pay.


We landed 2 hours later to several missed calls, voicemails and texts. She yelled into the phone and called the BF by his entire full name first middle and last (like a mother scolding her child) and told him that if he wanted the son to take him to the airport he needed to get his butt there earlier because he was 37 minutes late (What?) and they had things to do. She demanded a call, and then called again demanding another call, saying how unacceptable this was. Then a third request for a call or a call after 5pm the following day or in PEG's words, "I will talk to you when you call to talk to the son on Wed."


Needless to say like everything else, the BF never responded or acknowledged any of her attempts to contact him.


So we go to call the son last night at 7:30pm. The phone rang and rang and then finally went to voicemail. The BF immediately said, watch she is going to make me talk to him 37 minutes late. I blew it off; angry that PEG would again put her own anger in front of what is best for the son. Funny how she has completely forgotten how much the grandparents have helped her by watching him when she needed them, how they cancelled all plans to pick him up, and take him to daycare for her. How they took care of him when her family could not so she did not have to pay for a babysitter, they said they were sorry, they kept her informed of where the son was and a heads up to the fact he was going to be late and gave a reason that was out of their control.


Why can't PEG ever think about anyone else??


So at 8:30pm an hour later the BF gets this text, "Sorry we just landed and the son is out maybe tomorrow."


Nice she took the son on a plane somewhere after being on a different trip for 5 days; supposedly, she does not have any time off work but managed to take him somewhere and did not even let the BF know the son was going on a trip. I know she doesn't have to let him know that BUT she demands we tell her every detail of where we are taking him, she asked that we tell her when he is flying, she freaked out when we took him to Kansas and made us call her to tell her he was ok and was safe BUT she can take him where she pleases and it DOESN'T MATTER because in her words the BF is a glorified BABYSITTER!


I was so disgusted by her yet again; she is such a complete selfish brat! The BF did not respond to her text and simply said he was not going to play her games.


I know a lot of you have commented on previous posts and have said he needs to put her in her place and not respond. He turns his phone off every night (unfortunately we had to leave it on for his sister that night before thanksgiving) and he rarely if ever responds to her texts or calls. She literally has these conversations by herself. I assume she thinks he is reading them but she really has no idea.


When you never respond unless it is warranted how do you deal? He cannot control her, and he does not try he just ignores her and wants me to do the same.


We have tried to set boundaries before, we even typed out a letter and sent it to her outlining what was acceptable and was not acceptable in regards to contacting the BF and he asked not to text unless they were setting up arrangements to pick up/drop-off the son. He prefers text so that he does not have to talk to her.


He does a good job at ignoring her, much better than I ever could. However it seems that is not going to make her stop, nothing will I guess.


I hope that he gets to talk to the son tonight, we shall see, I am sure there will be strings attached as usual.

The Happy Holidays

I left last week excited about my trip to see the son, excited to get out of town for 5 days, and excited about not having to work. I was SO excited, then a few minor things happened and all the sudden I was fighting with the BF, my face and neck broke out in hives, and I felt homesick and alone.
How in the world did that happen? Sometimes it feels like a tornado has just come ripping through my life, leaving a devastating path in its wake, and leaving me dazed and confused. I had not prepared myself for being a stepmom during the holidays.


I am still a rookie, not even married yet although close and I know I have a lot to learn. I had been feeling pretty good about myself, the BF, and our relationship and then WHAM, I start to ask myself "What have I gotten myself into?" "Do I really want to deal with this crap the rest of my life?"
I swear sometimes I start to feel bi-polar, one minute everything can be great, we are all happy and smiles and then WHAM, the son is acting like a bratty toddler, PEG is up our ass, and the BF is giving me the silent treatment, while my parents are pissed that I am not with them over Thanksgiving. I get sick and tired of worrying about everybody else, and I just want to escape, I just want to be free of the pain it causes me and I want to go to a happy place.


I drank a few glasses of wine, made small talk and tried to act like nothing was bothering me but it was, my face reads like an open book, and its completely obvious, regardless I held it together....I held it together UNTIL...

I was woken up by a loud beeping sound that was coming from the BF's phone because PEG was texting him late at night to tell him how much she missed the son and how she wished he was with her.....blah blah blah. She then asked if she could call and wish the son a Happy Thanksgiving. I did not know what the texts said at the time; the BF rolled over said it is PEG and then fell back asleep. So I lay awake cursing her in more ways then one and kept stewing over earlier comments she had made.


This was day two of the late night texts, a voice mail that was over 6 minutes long while in a portion she called me by the wrong name AGAIN and completely tried to tell the BF how silly I was for trying to be a part of all of this. As if I was not important enough, I know PEG will never like me, and her disrespecting me was no surprise but how it effected me did.


I don't know if it was because I was missing my family, I was feeling sorry for myself, or if it was because I was starting to realize how much I was truly giving up to be there with the BF, his son, and his family. It hit me like a semi-truck. I got mad, I got mad that no one was appreciating what I was doing, and no one cared. Sure the son loves me but if I was gone he wouldn't miss me like his mommy or daddy, the BF's parents loved me but I am not their family, I was all alone while they had their entire family with them and I felt like a outsider AGAIN. Sure, the BF loves me but this was his time with his son, the son he rarely gets to see.


So 2 am rolls around and the son wakes us up from having a bad coughing fit. PEG refuses to give him the allergy medicine we gave her so every time we get the son he is sick and after 2 days of taking his allergy meds he is good as new. The BF got up and ended up sleeping in his room.


I lay in bed and had all night to feel alone, miserable and sad. I woke up that morning knowing I needed an attitude adjustment, that was before I looked in the mirror and saw my face swollen with bumps all over it on Thanksgiving morning.


YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!????


At this point, I really wanted to cry, and so I did, I cried, took a long hot shower, washed all my clothes and sheets, took some allergy meds and passed out while his family cooked and got ready for Thanksgiving. They felt sorry for me and my hives and were very nice about being quiet and letting me get some sleep.


I woke up groggy and out of it, we had a great Thanksgiving meal, the son was in a bad mood (he was groggy from his nap as well) but it was fun, very laid back and we spent the rest of the night watching football and wrestling. I played with the son and had a good time; he is really at a fun age and is such a chatterbox.


That night as we were going to bed I laid it all out for the BF. I told him what bothered me, we had a great talk and he apologized for not really thinking about me, and for being so caught up in everything else. He also told me I was focusing on the wrong person again and really needed to let PEG go. I knew he was right but that is so much easier said then done. I told him again I am still going through my firsts as a stepmom, and its not like this is the 3rd thanksgiving or something. I explained we keep going through new and different experiences and that is hard for me, it sometimes feels like I have to re-invent the wheel repeatedly. I explained as we go through this together and time passes by I will know more of what to expect and will over time become more comfortable but I was not there yet and he could not expect me to be able to rush through it all.


He sat and listened to me and I was extremely grateful for that. I literally felt like 30 lbs had been lifted off my shoulders and from that point on the trip got a lot better.


Sure PEG was nuts, but I was able to let it go and focus on the son. We had a lot of fun playing and boy did we wrestle, what is it with 2 1/2 year olds and wrestling?? He would tell me, you fight daddy! He calls it fighting which is so cute, I really enjoyed spending time with him and it was hard to see him go.


I could tell the BF was sad, every time we see him they play more and more and you can tell the BF loves every minute of playing trucks, or getting knocked off the bed. The BF is a wonderful father and I have a lot to be thankful for in my life.


Once I was able to talk to the BF, and feel supported, I started to feel more like myself and was able to enjoy the rest of the weekend, hives and all.

I DID IT!

I did it!! I finally had the nerve and opportunity to text PEG back and tell her I had the BF's phone.



After an evening of stupid pointless texts followed by another this morning, I told the BF enough, text her back and tell her it is me.


So he did and she responded Ok, sounds good. Perfect, no drama and it SHUT HER UP! Just what I wanted. I admit I was a little nervous and was not for sure what she would say but it all went according to plan and hopefully she will think twice before texting something stupid. If she does not think, the BF is getting them she might just stop and planting that doubt in her head is my goal.


I am sure one time will not do it but I imagine after a few more times she might just get the hint. Might....


Usually the day before and day of we get several texts from PEG asking the same questions she has already asked in the prior weeks. Does she truly think we would forget to pick up the son when that is the ENTIRE reason we got on a plane, boarded our dogs, and flew 3 hours to SEE HIM?????? Seriously how stupid would we have to be to forget why in the world we were in another state and town for crying out loud.


I am sure the silence is short lived and she will assume the BF will have access to his phone tomorrow since we will be traveling so we will hear from her again.....I just wish I could come up with another plan for that...still thinking.


Either way, glad I was able to do it, and hopefully it helps, a little goes a long way in our world.......only time will tell.

Getting Ready to Travel

So tonight is the big night to get packed and get everything ready to be able to leave and go see the son for Thanksgiving.



We have to pack tonight because tomorrow after work we are loading up the car, dogs included to drive to my parents' house and stay the night. They have graciously accepted the challenge of watching our dogs for the holiday and are going to drive and pick us up from the airport. What a huge help.

Since our flight leaves early Wed morning, we are just going to take the dogs over tomorrow night and spend some time with them before we head off up north.


I am looking forward to seeing the son, have not seen him since September! I have been able to web cam with him a few times and he is growing up like crazy, sad how fast they change. Luckily, it will not be long before we are back up there again for Christmas so we get lots of bonding time with the son.


I am happy to report we have not heard once from PEG ever since I got the wise idea that the next time she texted the BF I was going to reply. Whatever the reason I am thankful for the peace and quiet. Plus she leaves to go spend the holiday with her family in another city so we will not have to worry about her following us! Very excited about that.


It is going to be interesting trying to fit 5 days worth of stuff into a carry-on. The BF does not want me to check a bag, so he bought me another carry-on that cost 3 times as much as having to pay to check my bag. I did not question his logic but found it funny the lengths he is willing to go not to have to wait on luggage. I hope that I can fit it all in and save some stress and tension! :)


Probably will not be able to blog much but I wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving holiday and will miss my blogging friends! Eat, drink, and have lots of fun, see you in about a week!

Not the best day....

I cannot wait until Thanksgiving, I am excited to see the son and have 5 days off of work! YEAH

We are having Thanksgiving with my parents on Saturday, I am actually looking forward to it.  Should be a lot of fun, we have a turkey fryer and are going to eat all sorts of yummy food.  I am making a chocolate pecan pie and pumpkin pie, cooking the turkey and mom is taking care of the rest.  I know my parents are really looking forward to having the BF and I come over and stay the night.  My mom has really been bothered by the fact I am spending so much time with the BF's parents so I came up with the plan to celebrate Thanksgiving early with them and so far so good.

I took the car in and sure enough they were not able to repair the rim because it was chrome.  My only option was to have the chrome rim taken off and re-dipped. Sounds easy right? WRONG $575 of not easy, and not in my budget.  I talked to the car guys and they all agreed not to spend the money, they said it was barely noticable and was not worth it. Luckily the BF agreed but I still felt bad I had messed up his car.

So for the time being we are not going to fix it, which makes me feel better because there is a likely chance it could happen again and that would not be a good thing.

Work was insane and I have a ton to do before the holidays...not enough hours in the day.  The BF is at an agency holiday party tonight so I came home to an empty house, and two crazy pups after sitting in traffic for an hour and a half.

The best part was the BF's parents got to watch the son tonight so when I got home we got on the webcam. I guess the son had been asking to talk to me and was looking forward to it. He was adorable!!! We talked for about 10 mins and gave kisses, I cannot wait to see him next week.  He counted his trucks for me and sang itsy bitsy spider......PRECIOUS!

PEG has been super nice, letting the grandparents watch him, letting me talk to the son on our weekly phone calls. I can only hope this continues....we shall see.

Thanks for all the great comments lately, it is so nice to hear from other people who know what it is like......love my fellow stepmoms!!  Hope everyone has a great night! :)

Oops.....My Bad.....

So I started my day by driving the BF's car to work and running his chrome rim into the curb while trying to pull into my parking garage. OUCH!

Needless to say it didn't sound pretty and I suddenly wanted to throw up.  I have never hit the curb trying to pull in the garage so why now? Why when I am driving his car?

I was worried I was going to have to replace the entire rim and was freaking out, I called the dealership and am taking it in tomorrow. They think they can fix it and it will only cost $150 which beats the heck out of trying to buy a new rim for the car. WHEW!

The BF was really nice about it, and even bought me lunch! The day has gotten better, but not a great start that is for sure.

Tonight is our night to call the son. PEG texted yesterday and said he was sick and she had taken him to the doctor. Poor little guy! Hopefully he is feeling good enough to talk to us tonight.

I wish I were Clever.....

So in the mist of the PEG drama, and endless texts a thought came over me....I decided the next time she sends a text I am going to respond, "Hey this is (my name) I have the BF's phone, I will pass on the message, thanks!"

Figured it might help limit the texts to during the day and would stop interrupting our evenings at home. I know PEG hates to believe I am there so as long as I am out of sight out of mind she keeps bothering the BF. However, last night when I was tested I completely forgot about my newfound plan....dang it!

She sent a text last night that said, "I booked my flight to (insert city name) for thanksgiving I leave (home town) at 1ish and ill get back sat afternoon be sure to pick the son up by 6pm wed ill try and be by my phone if you need anything while im out of town wish if (I think she meant he) could go with me I know he would love the parade"

Had I been more clever I would have responded, "Hey this is (my name) I have the BF's phone, will pass on your message, great idea about the parade, maybe the BF and I can take him next year, how fun!" Thanks!"


Also how rude is it for PEG to stress that the son would enjoy the parade more than being with his father and his father's family. She is such a bitch sometimes I swear.

When the BF got home from work last night, I asked if he was going to try to work with her about the schedule next year. I suggested that if he was willing to do that he should consider asking for something in return, like asking PEG to only visit once this summer instead of every 2 weeks like last summer. Out of the six weeks we got the son she took up 2 weekends, we only had 3 with him, since one was us traveling back to take him home. Why can't she give us more time with him? Why does she try to control the son, and our visit times so much? I hate that the BF gave her this wiggle room to begin with, how in the world is it fair he is granted visits 1 time a month (every 4 weeks) but on the 6 weeks we have him in the summer, and still pay PEG child support mind you she is allowed 2 visits??? Which of course she spaces to be every 2 weeks.

The system sucks and its not fair...sorry for the soap box but it wears on me.

I will keep you posted on how this all pans out....should be interesting as always.

Mandatory Weekends....

So the BF received a text from PEG late Sat night that said the following:



"There are 2 dates i have to be out me town next year and the son cannot come. Dont want to in really but no choice thur to sat of the 12 of mar and the weekend of sep 25 thur thru sat. its mandatory. also jenns (her BFF) wedding is wknd of may 15 im n it so im going to have to get a babysitter for better part of the wk nd if that could be another one htat would be great rest of my mandatory wknds i have covered ill shoot you an email tom. jus wanted to get it out their (yes she spelled it that way) while we were working on next years mandatorys."


According to the BF, they have never coordinated their schedules before, they have never emailed out about when they could and could not watch the son. So why now? Why does PEG think they have been doing this all along?


She then sends an email yesterday afternoon that says the following:

The BF,

Hey if you happen to come into town these that would help me a ton!!

Thursday March 11 thru Sat March 13

Friday May 14 through Sunday May 16 (I believe mothers day is on the 9th if its on the 14th nevermind)


This one I will be in town, but will be involved with Jenn's wedding that whole weekend, so it would be easier on me if you cam to town than to drag him around with me or find a babysitter the majority of the weekend.

Thursday Sep 24 through Sunday Sep 26th

The other two dates are mandatory and unfortunately I canot take the son with me. I already talked to my family and they cannot help out on those two weekends. So I am going to have to pay a babysitter for the whole weekend or ask your family to take him, or I am hoping you can come back for your weekend than. It would be greatly appreacited.

Thanks,

PEG

The only thought I keep repeating in my head is, Well PEG this is why having a child at your age is hard, you have things you would love to do but maybe cannot or guess what YOU MIGHT HAVE TO PAY A BABYSITTER! She has her friends and family watch the son every single week for her, she never has to pay for a babysitter and if all else fails she uses the BF's parents. Again never has to pay a cent, how lucky is she? She has said some horrible things to the BF in the past about how he is a glorified babysitter and I feel like her email treats him as such. The papers state he is to pick his weekends, so if she needs help she SHOULD fly the son to stay with us (she flies free) and then we should get another weekend to have him.


What I find so funny is she is completely forgetting SHE is the one needing help, and acts like she shouldn't have to make any scarifies, she shouldn't have to give up the son for any additional times, we should just bend over and take it all.


She really pisses me off. She NEVER thinks about anyone else but herself. I could NEVER ask for such a huge favor, she acts like it is not any inconvenience for the BF to have to take off work ADDITIONAL days, fly on her schedule (Who knows what they would cost) and why?? He gets no added benefit; it is not any extra time for him? On one of those weekends, she needs to son out of her hair on Thursday so of course said she needed help Thurs-Sat, so then the BF would not even get the son until his normal time Sunday at 6pm.  Knowing he would have flown there and would need to be back until Monday morning, so she would make him return the son on Sat instead of Sunday even though he would still be there!!!


The BF did not want to talk about it, he just said I have no idea why she thinks we coordinate schedules and that was it. He didn't respond but I feel like he needs to stand up for himself here and point out the fact she is needing the favor so in order to get us to go along we want something in return. More time with the son.


I have had enough of PEG!

Text From PEG

PEG has been extremely consistent on her contact lately with the BF, after I spoke to the son on our Wednesday night phone call though, it was cut off. Well it was until this afternoon, we went an entire 1 1/2 days without hearing from PEG, it was BLISSFUL!

For someone who lives 12 hours away it is amazing all the times she feels the need to contact my BF....I can only imagine what it would be like if she lived in the same town.  I honestly hope I never have to find out, 12 hours worth of distance doesn't even feel like enough sometimes.

I digress, she sent a text out of the blue today that said:

"Hey when your back for thanksgiving can you take some pics of the son cause he didnt have a thanksgiving page last year I need 4 to 6 to make a spread do not take offense but i dont want pics with (my name) in them until you guys are married cause if you guys broke up that would be weird to have on his pages my bf is in none its just weird to me hope you understand i dont mean it personaly."

Now I can totally understand not wanting me in her son's scrapbook that she is making for him. I completely get that and have no problem. We have a book for the son as well and there is no way PEG is going to be in any of the pictures. Hopefully the son knows who is mother is and I dont have to keep pictures to remind him.  I just find it funny she feels the BF should be responsible for providing her with pictures for HER book. Too bad PEG you don't have him for thanksgiving, we do not have him on Christmas, you don't see us asking you for pictures.

Cracks me up, if PEG and the BF were actually on good terms and could work together this wouldn't be a big deal and it is not one now, the BF just wants to ignore her and is not going to give her any pictures. I personally do not mind but he said that is not my duty and she has the son 24/7 she can get her pictures then.

I think it was a way for her to remind him I am an outsider and to point out she has a BF which is a complete lie. Oh PEG, why are you so sad sometimes?  You would think her family would have their own "Thanksgiving" with the son, just like we have our own "Christmas" oh well.

I have a feeling we will be hearing more about these pictures, and mark my words when we take him back that Sunday after Thanksgiving we will be on the receiving end of texts asking for them.....

Let the games begin......I told the BF he just needs to tell her we keep a photo album for the son as well and it tracks his memories with us so she does not have to worry about keeping track of that.

Unfortantely I do not think the BF will be responding to any of her texts...I do not think there is a real right or wrong way to deal....just wish I knew the right answer.