The son is going to start playing soccer this spring, his first official organized sport team. I can tell Hubbs is super excited about it. It starts in early April and he will play a total of 7 games, over 6 weekends, one weekend is a double header. They do not practice, so the first 30 mins of the game is "practice" and then the other 30 min is a 3 on 3 scrimmage against the other team. Since its all 4-5 year olds, the girls play with the boys. I am sure the son is going to look pretty stinkin cute in his little soccer uniform.
Due to his birthday being mid march, and he had to be 4 to start playing, PEG had to enroll him in the latest of soccer leagues and the weekend we get him (spring break) they do not have any games, so unless Hubbs was to make a special trip up there he wasn't going to be able to see the son play.
Before we knew about soccer we planned to not have a May visit, we usually met Hubbs' parents and the son at a cabin half way but its a 6+ hr drive for us, and going somewhere mid to late May with me being that pregnant wasn't something I wanted to do. A 3 hr flight 2 weeks ago was uncomfortable enough, and my doctor doesn't want me traveling past the first week in May. My in-laws didn't seem to like the idea too much, maybe they forgot I will be 32+ weeks pregnant and driving out to the middle of nowhere is not somewhere I want to be incase something happens or whatever. I guess its more important they see their son (Hubbs), so of course my MIL played "The son" card, and gave Hubbs a guilt trip for not seeing the son in May. Mind you our spring break visit with the son is over Easter, which is the end of April this year. We will be getting the son for his summer visit with us beginning of June.
The funny part is if we planned to meet them at the cabin this May, chances are the son wouldn't be able to come with. I know PEG wouldn't want him to miss his last soccer game of the year, and she wouldn't let my in laws get him early since it is a 7 hr drive for them to the cabin, so we would be spending a weekend with Hubbs' parents, and sister, not with the son.
Regardless I know Hubbs would love to see the son play soccer, I would love to see the son play soccer, so I emailed him yesterday after he told me his mom had brought it up to him again about missing a visit in May and told him if he wanted to go, that was fine with me, I think it would be great for him to see the son play and I am sure the son would enjoy that. I told him I couldn't go with, and we would make it work money wise. He emailed his mom telling her he was going to look into coming up a weekend in May and her response was all about how excited the son would be, and how much he was going to LOVE seeing his daddy.
I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way, when we went to visit in march for the son's birthday his mom was just so overbearing. Its hard to explain but its like she is the mom with the son, and she oversteps and lets the son do whatever, and there are times Hubbs just goes along with it. It drives me nuts. It just makes me feel like even more of an outsider, I know I am not the son's mom, nor do I want to be, but in my family unit, married to Hubbs I pick up that role when the son is with us, but around Hubbs family I feel like I am just a friend of the family visiting, does that make sense?
I feel like his parents, mother especially just feel like the son has such a hard life they need to give him/do anything for him because he doesn't get to see his dad all the time. While I realize its not fair for the son, its the choice Hubbs and PEG made by even getting together in the first place, and its not something we should allow the son to think is a reason he can blame x,y, or z on. His parents didn't go through a nasty divorce, he has never known any different, and a lot of kids have a dad that travels often, or is in the service who they wouldn't see for even longer periods of time. Hubbs hates when his mother does this, he and I are of the mindset which helps but I think he feels guilt over what he did, over what his parents have had to deal with living in a small town that he doesn't want to have any conflict with his mom about it since they help us so much. It just seems to be getting worse and worse as the son gets older.
I know it sounds like I am just complaining and maybe thats true, or a part of it anyway, it just gets to be too much sometimes. I wish we could all get on the same page and realize that sacrifices have to be made by everyone in this situation. We don't get to see the son enough, half of the time we spend with him is with my in-laws, they get him two times a week so they get way more time with him then we do. There are going to be times when we just want to be a family (Hubbs, the son, and me) and we need that time together. Especially once peanut gets here. I feel like his mom has gotten more protective of the son ever since I got pregnant. Before I was pregnant she asked us all the time when were we going to give her more grandchildren. Now that is actually happening she keeps acting like Hubbs is ignoring the son, which couldn't be further from the truth.
The ironic part is that Hubbs has an older half sister, his dad was previously married and had a baby with his ex-wife, they got divorced shortly after she was born and two years later my father in law married my mother in law and they had Hubbs. They never saw this older half sister except on major holidays and she lived 45 miles away. My MIL treats her kids differently then then her stepdaughter, she treats her stepdaughter really well and does a ton for her children, but you can tell she is closer to her two kids (hubbs and his younger sister) and the son, her biological grandchild. So I think its funny, she has been in my shoes, she has told me how my father in law's mother would cross the line and keep in contact with the ex-wife. All the things she had complained to me about, is EXACTLY what she is doing now.
I am just frustrated. I had a pretty big cry session over it last week. I was tired, worn down, and just broke down. I tried to hide in the bathroom but Hubbs noticed I wasn't around and tried to come and find me. I think I scared him a little, he hadn't ever seen me cry like that but I couldn't stop or help it. I was upset for so many reasons, but this lack of control over step family life, and knowingly bringing a new child into this life has me torn at times.
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