Wonderful World of Step-Motherhood

A Less Involved PEG

2012-01-26T09:42:00.000-06:00

Yes you read the title right, PEG has slowly stepped further and further from our world, and her self-proclaimed spotlight. Gone (hopefully, at least very few and far between) are the days where Hubbs would get endless texts, phone calls, over him being a bad dad, or something he did wrong to her or to the son. Gone are the days where PEG would feel the need to contact Hubbs on a daily basis.

Is she annoying? Yes, she is a woman who had a baby with Hubbs, her mere existence is annoying, but her son, the son is a blessing in our lives, and someone I am thankful for. I truly believe that once she really realized Hubbs was never going to be "hers" and having his baby was not going to be her ticket out of her life, that once she truly accepted that and moved on and tried to find some sort of happiness, all of our lives were better for it. Part of the reason for her craziness was her age, and the situation she put herself in. She still won't ever admit fault or wrong doing but I think down deep she has realized on some sort of level her responsibility in this, and she has stopped blaming Hubbs for every little bad thing that has ever happened to her.

It wasn't until we got married, and had a baby of our own for her to really start retracting. She fought for 6 long hard years (including pregnancy) and finally, finally I think she is stopping the fight and going on with life as usual. I hope this is the case. Will we ever be friends? No, but I respect she is the son's mother and as long as she respects our life, doesn't try and poison the son against us I am fine with her.

Our situation is what it is, she has failed countless times, and will continue to do so. But I know she does love her son, I just hope someday she puts him first and hopefully someday she will realize the pain she has caused and never go back to being that person. I think things are going good for her, she has a house, she has a good job, she has a boyfriend. They seem happy, she seems happy, and in return she leaves us pretty much alone. I do feel for the son though, he has grown up in a very inconsistent world, with little to no stability. You can't choose your parents, and I see how happy he is with us, but I know he loves his mom, and would never want to be without her either. Its tough to see a child sad because they can't be with both parents more often.

PEG is crazy, she is a lot of things, a lot of things I would consider bad but she is his mom, and there is nothing any of us can do to change that. Hubbs recently paid a visit up north and asked PEG if he could see the son. His visit wasn't planned, and she kindly let Hubbs have the son. Come to find out, she had been out of town for work, and the first time she had seen the son in a few days was driving him to see Hubbs. He had spent nights with PEG's sister and his cousins and was exhausted. He feel asleep in the car ride over and PEG had to wake the son up to go see Hubbs. Hubbs said he had been cranky and you could tell he was overally tired. She was heading to work (night) and was going to be taking the son to stay at her mom's house, so thankfully Hubbs was there to give the poor kid a night with a parent. Its times like those (and I think Hubbs realized had he not dropped in he never would have known she was out of town) that we wish he could live with us full time. He would get every evening and every weekend with us. Our work schedules don't change and he wouldn't be taken from place to place, sleeping in different places, never knowing what adventure is around the corner.

Hubbs had the son call PEG late that night before going to sleep, because he was crying for her, and told Hubbs he missed his mom. He hadn't seen her in several days and again was TIRED. She was at work, and wouldn't leave so Hubbs had her call the son. That helped calm him down, and the son went to sleep, FINALLY. PEG then texted Hubbs saying that the next time he decides to drop in unannounced she will not be so nice. She said this is confusing for the son, and Hubbs was making him sad.

So maybe I wrote this post too soon. If PEG can't see that her work schedule, her fluctuations in her schedule, the son's daily schedule changing day to day are the issues, maybe things hadn't changed as much as I had hoped. Breaks my heart to see the son hurting. I wish she could put him first....

Family

2011-12-09T10:22:00.000-06:00

With the addition of little H to the family, I was more excited about the holidays then EVER! Yes I know she is only 5 months old and doesn't give a crap about the lengths I have gone to in order to make this THE BESTCHRISTMASEVER!!!! But that is what pictures are for, and we will never be able to re-create my baby's first Christmas.

Either way, the son is about to be 5 and he is so so so much fun. Between him, my sweet little cuddly baby, Christmas is a slice of heaven for me. Oh and my super hot, sweet, best dad ever Hubbs! Life is good, it really is. Becoming a "bio" mom myself has really opened my eyes and given me so much peace about being a stepmom. I am amazed at how much more connected I feel to my family ie. Hubbs, and the son. I actually feel like we are more a family then we ever were. I even think the son feels that way, by how he treats his baby sister and in turn treats me. I was worried he would be jealous over little H, but so far they seem to just enjoy each other's company, and I think the son loves getting to hold her and cuddle with her and his daddy.

We spent thanksgiving together at my FIL's house. It was great to not be at work, and to enjoy everyday with the kiddos and time with Hubbs that I don't normally get. The weather was pretty decent, being up north, and other then missing my MIL, and feeling the loss of not having her around for the holidays we had a good trip.

What most surprised me was how little H reacted to her big brother. She was around him her first month of life, and then again for 2 days in September. She had not seen him since then, but the minute she woke up and I took her into the kitchen where the son was eating, she immediately began to laugh at him, and was all smiles. Her behavior continued throughout our entire trip, she would laugh and smile at her big brother, want to sit next to him in her bumboo seat, she wanted to eat his food, drink out of his water bottles, it was precious. One night, after her bath time, I was getting her in her PJ's and the son came in the room and got on the bed. He started jumping and pretending he was falling and little H just cracked up with laughter and kept looking at him and giggling. The son loved it, and kept repeating his actions to make her laugh. I made Hubbs go get the camera so we could get it recorded. It was ABSOLUTELY the most precious thing, and it made me realize moments like this can never be taken for granted. Somehow little H knows that the son is her brother, and she idolizes him already. It of course made me want to have another baby!

That will be saved for a later post. So anyway, so far the holidays have been great. Hubbs goes to get the son on Dec 26th and will bring him back to our house to celebrate "our" Christmas and New Years. I cannot wait to have my family all under one roof again.

Wishing you and your family a blessed and wonderful Christmas!

In Laws

2011-11-04T12:58:00.000-05:00

As you all know my MIL passed away this past May. It has been a tough adjustment, and I miss her. My husband will never be the same but overall we are doing good, not taking life for granted and celebrating the times we did have with her. Things are going fairly well in our little world and I am grateful for that.

I do have an interesting story I want to share with you all though. My sister in law has been watching the son every weekend. PEG works every weekend and always needs a sitter. It used to be my MIL, that's actually part of the reason her and my FIL went away for the weekend she was killed. She wanted to have a break. Now that she isn't around, PEG at first asked my FIL, but overnights are tough on him, so now she has resorted to my SIL.

I am glad he gets to spend time with Hubbs' family, and anytime away from PEG or her crazy family is a blessing for the son. My SIL loves getting to spend time with him, and she is good about calling us so we can video chat with the son etc. PEG sent a text to hubbs the other day saying, "Your sister and family is so great to help out with the son as much as they do, they always say yes no hesitation when I ask them for help. I couldn't ask for a better extended family and "in laws"."

In laws? PEG thinks my in laws are her in laws because she had a son with Hubbs? I always thought in laws meant you had to be married. Apparently PEG makes her own rules. Hubbs told me to blow it off, rolled his eyes at her text and said she is crazy. It bothered me, I am not going to lie. I could maybe understand if at some point they had been her in laws but that never happened. This woman never stops thinking she is part of our family. I wish she would realize we share a kid who is our family, but the line stops there. UGH....drives me nuts.

Baby Pictures

2011-10-25T15:26:00.000-05:00

I made a Halloween gift for Hubbs to give the son. I wanted Hubbs to give him something that he thought was from his little sister. I want him to feel close to little H even though he doesn't get to see her all that much, so figured little things like this will keep him thinking about her and hopefully be something for him to look forward to. I got a trick or treat bag that was cute, got some bouncy balls that looked like eyeballs, a RIP gravestone with a bat ink stamp (why do kids love stamps so much), a little craft for he and Hubbs to do together where they put different faces on pumpkins. Basically a less messy version of carving your pumpkin and then some candy. I got him a card and inside wanted to give him a picture of he and little H. I told Hubbs that I put in like 10 pictures and he could give those to his dad, and sisters so they would have some printed pictures of little H. He said ok, and I thought that was that.

Well Hubbs got home Sunday from his weekend visit with the son, and I found out he sent all those pictures home with the son. UGH.....I not only spent a lot of time getting them downloaded, and printed off, the last thing I wanted was PEG to have all these pictures of just my daughter. I don't know why but it really upset me. I know Hubbs didn't do anything on purpose, he didn't remember me saying that to him before he left, I didn't tell him how much it bothered me, but I just do not want to share those precious moments with someone like PEG. It is so frustrating. Its not like the son wants all these pics of his little sister, and to be honest even PEG probably thought it was weird. I asked Hubbs if we could ask for the pics back if the son wasn't displaying them in his room (they are probably already thrown away) and he said well why don't we just give my family other ones, which frustrated me even more because I spent a lot of time on getting these pics to begin with. Its not like we can just print them off at our house or something. I was honestly surprised at how much it bothered me initially. I have gotten over it now, nothing can undo it now.

PEG has always had this weird mindset we are all a family, and tries to include herself in things I personally do not think are her business, and keeps us in the loop with things we would rather just not know. If her and hubbs had shared a life together, been married I would better understand her motive for wanting to be this way, but having barely known Hubbs and never really having a relationship is just odd to me. Maybe she wants it to appear like less of a mistake than it was, who knows. Or she has yet to get over hubbs and wants to keep him in her life as much as possible. I don't know, but what I do know is we already have to share the son with her, that is hard enough. If the son wants to tell her things about our family, and about little H whatever, more power to him. I just do not want to share photos of her or our life that doesn't involve PEG. I know this sounds stupid but I guess I am focused more on the principle part of it. Luckily she never said anything to Hubbs, or if she did, he didn't tell me.

The blended family saga continues...

Learning to Deal With Loss

2011-10-20T10:52:00.000-05:00

2011 has been an interesting year. One of great joy and happiness, as well as unbearable sadness. The year started out so promising for us, we found out we were pregnant, the baby looked healthy and all was well. Then a phone call in the night when I was 8 months pregnant forever busted our bubble. It has been 5 months to the day that my mother in law has passed. I miss her all the time, and still find myself wanting to text her a picture of little H or give her a call. Hubbs has handled his grief as good as can be expected but I know he misses his mother terribly, and often breaks down when his emotions get the best of him, or when he realizes he can't talk to her anymore, he can't tell her he loves her, and he can't tell her all about little H. I dressed little H in an outfit her grandma had given her before she passed. I didn't even realize today was the 5 month anniversary of her passing until I looked at the calendar.

I thank God that little H was born after losing my MIL because it brought happiness into our lives that we so desperately needed. She is a good distraction and has helped Hubbs and I deal with our grief. I have a picture of my MIL in little H's nursery of her when she was a child. I have several little reminders around my house other than pictures of my MIL and it helps to know we still have things that remind us of her.

After shortly returning to work, I found out one of my friends had been dealing with mono and had been admitted to the hospital when it turned into double pneumonia. She was a friend from high school, we had grown up cheering together and she married her high school sweet heart who was a great friend of mine as well. I went to a different college but we reconnected later and would meet for dinner and play dates with the kids. They have two boys 2 1/2 yr old, and an 11 month old. I didn't pay a lot of attention at first to the facebook posts from her husband because she had always been healthy she was only 28, I didn't think it was going to be serious. Even after hearing she was in ICU and had developed ARDS, I didn't realize the seriousness and kept thinking she will pull through, she is young, she is a mother with two young kids, nothing can happen to her. I said my prayers, asked my MIL to watch over her and her family but never thought for a moment she wouldn't survive. Then on Friday night (same night my MIL was killed) my friend passed away. Dealing with her death, feeling so much pain and sadness for her husband and their children was breaking my heart and I was suddenly back to the day my MIL was killed. I woke Hubbs up at 4:30 that Saturday morning, after I saw she had passed, and we just cuddled and cried in our bed. Not only had she been a friend but the pain of her leaving her two young sons really hit home with me. The thought have not being around to watch the son and little H grow up seemed unbearable. She had always been a wonderful mother, and loved her boys more than anything.

Her husband, my friend, and their two children have been in my thoughts every day. I wish I could take their pain away, they were the perfect family, they loved each other so much, and had been together for 13 years, how could God do this, why her? Why now?

It has been such a tragic set of circumstances we have had to deal with this year. I don't know how anyone ever recovers from losing a spouse so early with two very young children. I know her husband will never be the same. Hubbs, little H and I took dinner over to him last night. I tried to help with the kiddos, they are both so adorable and look just like their momma. Her husband looks about as good as he can, I don't think he is getting a lot of sleep nor is he eating much. It was really hard to see him in so much pain, he puts on a brave face but you can tell he misses her like crazy. I feel so helpless sometimes. I wish I could do more for him, for my husband. I hate to watch those I love suffer. It just feels surreal. Its hard not to be morbid, to think about all the possibilities that can happen to you, or the ones you love, its hard to deal with the day to day stuff when all I really want to do is love on little H and Hubbs as much as I possibly can.

I know they say to live everyday like it is your last, but when you have bills, kids, etc that is only so practical. It does make me realize how lucky and blessed I am to have those I love, and I try not to take that time for granted. You always think you have more time, I put off things because I figure we can do that next week or next year. Unfortunately none of us know if that is true. I will give my friend credit, he is remaining incredibly strong for himself and his boys. He is not angry, he believes the Lord had a reason to take her and feels blessed to have loved her for as long as he did. He promised to raise his boys in a way to make her proud and will carry the love for her he has to his grave.

It is a good reminder that truly things can always be worse, and never take what you have for granted because you never know when it will be gone.

Survival Mode

2011-10-19T13:52:00.000-05:00

Survival Mode - I posted the other day about the son's lack of emotion. I received a comment from a fellow stepmother who had similar issues with her stepson. Her description of his behavior, and lack of emotion sounded very familiar. She said I figured it was survival mode for him. I had not ever thought about that being the reason for his behavior. Of course I wondered if his situation (parents having never been together) was the cause of his distant attitude or if it was simply just him. I started thinking more and more about this and have yet to draw a conclusion. I am curious, however to get your thoughts.

To better explain the son, let me explain what we experienced in the 7 weeks he spent with us this past summer. Our typical routine consisted of Hubbs waking the son up, getting him dressed and ready for school, then I would pick the son up from school, we would go home, I would make dinner and we would eat once Hubbs got home from work about 30 minutes or so later. The son was always very clingy to Hubbs in the morning, he never quite seemed awake. Hubbs carried him down to our bathroom to do his hair, he would tell the son to tell me goodbye and give me a hug before he left. Sometimes he would go along with this, other times he would start to whine and not want to say goodbye or give me a hug. I didn't take it personal but it was awkward.

Then I would pick him up form school, and on most days he would run right past me to the door when I would get there, he did run to me once, but usually he would run to the door to leave asking where his daddy was and wouldn't acknowledge me at all. I was 9 months pregnant so he usually left me in the dust. No hug, no hello. When we would get home he would want to call his daddy or play one of daddy's video games. I would try and ask him about his day and he would just flat out ignore my question. I would get in front of him and say, "The son's name, did you hear what I said?" he would say. "No" I would repeat it and he would stare at me and pretend he didn't know the answer or couldn't say the word. It would get so frustrating. My parents were living with us at the time and my dad works from home, so he would try and ask the son about his day, and he would flat out ignore my father, usually walking past him while my dad was trying to talk to him and never respond or even act like he heard us.

My dad thought his behavior was weird, but again he hasn't known the son from birth and figured it was something Hubbs needed to talk to him about. Hubbs told the son on countless occasions he was not to ignore anyone talking to him, he needed to answer people's questions and acknowledge them. I told my parents not to take this personal, having the son at our house is an adjustment for everyone, he is away from PEG and we have no idea what emotions he is dealing with or how he is feeling. I didn't think his behavior was acceptable but I was also willing to try and cut him some slack and let him settle in. If he wanted something from you, he had no problems telling you what he wanted.

After a couple of weeks of the same behavior day in and day out, I brought him home from school and he was ignoring me again. I waited until it was about time for him to ask for a snack or something to drink and when he came up to me and started to talk to me, I ignored him. He pulled on my shirt and kept repeating himself. After a little time passed by I finally looked down at him and said, "See the son, how does it feel to be ignored? Did you like when I didn't answer you back?" His eyes got really big and he shook his head no. I told him that this is what I had been talking to him about, as well as Hubbs and wanted him to know what it felt like. I told him all I ever wanted was an answer, or an acknowledgement that he had heard me.

I was hoping as he settled in more he would do better, but it only seemed to get worse. It was such a frustrating time for me, and since he usually responded to Hubbs unless he really was distracted, Hubbs didn't seem to notice much. It just struck a cord with me that something was off, I had never been around a child who acted that way. Who would be starring right at you as you talked to them, but would not acknowledge you at all.. It was strange to me, and sometimes he would make this face like he knew he was ignoring me and was doing it on purpose. Hubbs thought I was reading way to into it, and didn't think it was as unusual for a child to behave that way. I don't think he wanted to spend our summer vacation harping on all of his wrong doings, which I can't blame him for. My father in law came to visit a week after little H was born, and the son started to ignore him as well. Hubbs got pretty upset with him, and I could tell he was getting frustrated with him as well, but my FIL would tell him no big deal. I don't think he wanted to upset the son while he was there for the weekend.

Is this normal behavior? I have no idea how the son treats PEG, but he seems to ignore the majority of adults, but does it least to my husband and my FIL. Is this a survival mechanism because of his situation? Does he not feel he can trust us? One on one tends to be better with the son. When he gets around a lot of people he seems to get really shy, and acts very awkward. I know he is shuffled around a lot when he is with his mom because of her work schedule. He spends quite a bit of his time with other people because she works every weekend and some nights. I truly feel for him, and I hope someday he realizes how much more stable our house is for him. We have the same schedule everyday, and have every weekend off.

He does seem to respond more to male authority then women and I figured that would be common since he spends the majority of time with PEG and not with Hubbs he probably craves that guy/daddy time. I don't know if he ignores people because he is trying to gain some control, or if he is testing boundaries. I don't know the reason but I would like to know if this is more common then I realize and any tips on how to help him improve. When we went to visit him in Sep, it seemed to be even worse. He was in a foul mood on Sunday, and kept throwing fits, and ignored Hubbs and anyone else for that matter. He wouldn't even hug any of us goodbye when it was time for Hubbs to take him back to PEG's house. He was really sweet with little H, and seemed as attentive as a 4 year old brother would be. I just worry about him and want to figure out a way to be able to communicate with him without him shutting down.

Absent Lately

2011-10-17T14:45:00.000-05:00

I have been back to work for almost 4 weeks and time is flying by. With my commute to work, picking up little H from daycare and then taking care of her, feeding her, bathing her, getting her stuff packed for daycare, putting her to bed leaves me little time for myself. I am so lucky she is such a great sleeper. I put her to bed between 7:30-8pm and she doesn't wake up until the following morning when ever Hubbs wakes her up to feed her and get her ready for school (aka Daycare).

Work has been super busy ever since getting back. I have been slammed, and we have had some changes as well, so I now have a new boss, and my old boss, the one who had a baby girl 5 weeks ahead of little H resigned to go work for a different company. So sad to see her go, but we are friends outside of work so its not like I won't ever see her again.

Things are going pretty good in my world, no major complaints. Little H has been a blessing, and I had no idea how hard being a stepmother was until I had my own baby. When going back and forth with Hubbs over whether or not we should have kids, I just remember thinking it would be so much work, my life would change. The only experience I could relate to was when we had the son, and that was never easy. He lives 12 hours away, we either see him at my in-laws house or Hubbs flys up to get him and brings him back to our house twice a year. Hubbs told me repeatedly that having our own baby would be the hardest thing I would ever do but also be the most rewarding. I think PART of that sentence rings true, but honestly NOTHING is as hard as being a stepmother. Or step-parent I should say. People always said its different with your own, and I knew it had to be to some degree but until little H came, I had no idea how true that statement was.

Don't misunderstand me, I love the son, he feels like family to me but I didn't have the same connection to him as I immediately did to little H. Biology is powerful, and after having had to share the son, with his mother PEG who has been enough drama on her own, I appreciate the time I have with little H. It is nice to know that I don't have to share her with a crazy person. I am her mother, Hubbs and I make all the decisions regarding her, we can control what she does day to day (right now anyway), and there is so much less unknown with her then when it comes to the son. Having a stepchild who is long distance is not an easy feat (having one period is no easy feat). It is frustrating, it costs a lot of money, and there is never enough time. I used to beat myself up and try and cram a month's worth of memories and fun into a two day weekend with the son. I would get frustrated if things didn't go perfect, or if he was having an off day. Kids change, and when you only see them every so often you feel like you are always a step behind.

I told Hubbs nothing would ever be as hard as being a stepparent, taking care of little H is EASY compared to that. I don't have the worry she doesn't love me, or I don't love her. Our love is a part of us and until her didn't even know was possible. I used to second guess myself and question my stepparenting qualities, but after having little H, I can proudly say I have been a rockstar stepparent. I did so much, still do so much, have sacrificed myself directly and have felt little love in return. Ive been given little respect, but I keep on doing it all because I love the son, he can't help his mother, his situation, or his age. The son is 4 1/2 years old, there are things I expect of him at his age. Sometimes he does these things, other times he doesn't. I look at him, and often have a hard time figuring out what he is thinking. He has a cold look he gives off at times, something a boy of his age typically doesn't show. I never know if its because of his life, if he is sad, or if it is just him. Does that make any sense? When little H was born, I felt I instantly knew her, I know what she wants when she cries and I feel I understand her. I have only been the son's stepmom for a few years, I know these things take time. I think as he grows older and comes to better understand his situation the more connected we can feel. I know he loves my husband, and I am thankful he loves his daddy as much as he does. I hope we can spend more time with him someday and he and little H can be close.

Anyway just wanted to share recent events in our life. Hubbs leaves on Friday to go visit the son for the weekend. I hope they have a fun weekend, and get to enjoy your father/son time. Little H and I will be very glad to have Daddy back at home but I am looking forward to some girl time!!

My Little H

2011-07-13T17:05:00.000-05:00

Well sorry for not being on blogger recently but having a baby really fills up your schedule. I have been using her nap times as my nap times so I haven't gotten much done recently, but it is getting better and we are all adjusting.

So I proudly announce the birth of our daughter we will call Little H. She is the cutest most precious baby girl, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE her so much I cannot even explain it. I had no idea what becoming a mom would feel like, and I was rather surprised to feel so complete, so happy, and just so grateful for my baby girl, my wonderful husband, and family.

She was born on July 1st, at 3:13 pm, she weighed 7 lbs 4 ounces, and was 18 1/2 inches long. I ended up having to be induced (I can't remember what I was able to blog about before hand) that morning July 1st. The doctor's visit we had been to the Tuesday before showed the cord was wrapped around little H's neck and her amniotic fluid was low. The doctor said her weight was well over 7 lbs and in order to avoid possible complications they felt it best to induce me that Friday morning. Hubbs and I were a little surprised since it was 2 weeks before our due date, but I was worried about little H and didn't want to add any additional complications by not being induced.

Off to the hospital we went on Friday morning and we arrived at 7:30 am. After getting checked in, getting hooked up with IV's etc they finally started the pitocin around 9ish. I was dilated to a 3 upon check in which was awesome news, since it appeared I was progressing on my own anyway. I got the same nurse I had when I had been checked in for pre-term labor 4 weeks earlier, so that was a great feeling. She already knew our situation with Hubbs' mom and was super sweet and excited to see us as well. They were worried about my increased risk for a c-section because of the cord so they told me they would keep a close eye on the baby's vitals, and let me know how she was doing as things progressed. They broke my water at 9:40 that morning and my contractions went from small cramps to full on contractions one minute apart for MY ENTIRE LABOR. We had been to a child birth class the Saturday before so Hubbs focused on massaging any part of my body that I wanted, and I focused on trying to relax between contractions and control my breathing. It all sounds so easy when you talk about it, but WOW those contractions were coming crazy fast, and were super intense. I wanted to see how far I could go without getting an epidural. Part of me had wanted to do it all natural but I was too scared to admit to that before actually knowing what labor was going to feel like.

Anyway I ended up doing it all natural and have no regrets. There was a time when I was about an 8 where I said I couldn't do it anymore and I wanted the epidural. The nurse said she would go check and disappeared for about 30 minutes. By the time she came back I was a 9 1/2 and getting ready to push. It was crazy. Such a blur of about 6 hours, but I am so glad I did it without the epidural, the baby was completely healthy and all was well. Hubbs was INCREDIBLE, he had to do so much work since I did it without drugs, he had to rub my feet, my back, my lower, back, hold my head, remind me to breathe, be my sideline cheerleader and hold my hand so I could squeeze it during the really bad contractions.

They had to cut the cord around her neck after her head was out, so that was scary for a minute but she did great throughout the entire labor and I couldn't have asked for a better scenario based on our circumstances. Hubbs was so impressed I did it without an epidural, he has been bragging to everyone that will listen about how strong and tough his wife is. We both cried during the birth, and I think while we were both really happy to meet our baby girl, the reality that his mom wouldn't be there set in as well. I definitely felt her presence there that day, and I know we had a guardian angel looking over little H and keeping her safe throughout the entire labor.

Adjusting to motherhood has been 100 times better than I ever thought. Taking care of her has come so naturally, it has been so different when compared to holding friend's babies or taking care of the son. She has been a great baby overall, and I couldn't be more in love.

Hopefully I can post more soon about the son's summer visit etc. We have been having such a great time, and the son has been such a great big brother. He has adjusted really well, and has been a big help to us. Love having him here, sad there is only a few weeks left.

Hilarious!!!!

2011-06-29T16:44:00.000-05:00

So we have had the son for 2 weeks and it has been a blast. he has adjusted so well and has been so much fun to spend time with. He has really become a Daddy's boy and I know Hubbs is just eating it up! Don't get me wrong he is a total 4 year old, and we are in a new arguing stage but he really is such a great kid, and I can't even imagine how hard it is for him to be in such a different environment but you would never know it. He acts like he has lived with us always, he loves his school, and chatters non-stop. He has been listening to us really well, and goes to bed every night and just passes out.

He is so excited about his little sister and when he gives me kisses and hugs at night he kisses my belly and talks to her, it is so precious.

He finally had his call with PEG the other night and I was worried about him. Last summer she would give him guilt trips and bring up every friend he had and how she had seen them and how they missed him. It was like she was trying to make him sad. Surprisingly she remembered to call which was a new thing, and Hubbs answered the call and handed the phone to the son. You could tell he was expecting us to put it on speakerphone like his mom always does, but he is old enough and knows how to talk on the phone so there is no need for speakerphone.

I could hear what PEG was asking him, and he was just answering all of her questions, not always with the right answer but it was cute. She was drilling him for information and it was funny because he kept calling her dad, and then he would correct himself and say mom. After a few minutes he looked at Hubbs and said, "Daddy I am done talkin, I want to go play." So Hubbs said well tell your mom you love her and bye bye. So he said that to PEG and got off the phone. Hubbs and I just looked at each other in shock. The son never gets off the phone with his mom. He does that to us a lot, and usually seems like he is in a bad mood with her but with us he is happy and wanted to get back to playing.

Apparently it shocked PEG as well because she texted something to Hubbs about how good the schools ranked in our area in the Newsweek article and how that really impressed her. For those who have read this blog, PEG likes to think she is a genius, loves to act like she is very politically involved, she claims on her Facebook she only reads theoritical (Yes that is how she spelled it HA!) books, and you can just tell she thinks she is so smart. She is one of those people that just tries so hard to appear smart, you know what I am taking about? She thinks getting an education is the best thing you can do for yourself, and loves to stress how important school is, yet she wanted to hold the son back. Its like she says one thing, but does something else. I am all for getting an education, I graduated from a Big 12 college with a business and finance degree, but its what you do with your degree and the level of common sense you have that makes you successful. I just think its important to be well rounded and if you were really that smart you would use spell check on your emails and not sound like a complete idiot half the time.

Anyway, she has always bashed schools in our area, claiming we have a crappy school system and she would never move here because of that. Yet where she lives their schools are not even ranked and she moved to the worst school district in her area, again says one thing, but does another.

So I laughed because her text to Hubbs telling him how many of our schools ranked in the top 500 list (Our district was ranked 300 with 97% graduating rate, 95% go to college, and a 16 to 1 student teacher ratio with an average SAT score of 1600, not bad if you ask me!) and how she is actually impressed by that is her way of saying, if the son ever wanted to come live with us (I think that call scared her) she wants to make it seem it is her idea, and I guess she would move here or something. It just made me laugh, I know what she is thinking and its comical.

Then after that text an hour later she sent one saying, "Send me a picture of peanut when she arrives :) so excited for you guys and the son! He really good with babies." (Again how she wrote it)

I love when we have the son, PEG doesn't have any power and we don't have to rely on her to communicate with the son, it is such a breath of fresh air and I am so excited the son gets to be here for the birth of peanut.

Well good news is we go in at 7:30am on Friday!!! I am so excited, I can't wait to meet her, and be a family of four. :)

No Control

2011-06-28T20:16:00.000-05:00

I know when you have kids you can't plan every moment and you end up being on their schedule more then your own, but I had no idea it would start before they were even born!

We had our doctor's visit this morning and after doing an ultrasound at 38 weeks, we were able to see little peanut is already 7 lbs and 12 ounces, they think she is around 19 inches long. We waited for the doctor to come in and found out the amniotic fluid levels were on the low side, not critical but not a great sign, and the cord seems to be wrapped around her neck. She said based on her size and the danger of the fluid going too low she wanted to induce me this Thursday....

WHAT??????

This Thursday?? I know I said several times to several different people, "Oh I hope she comes early, blah blah blah." But this was NOT what I had in mind. I started to freak out a little bit. Ok maybe more than a little, it didn't help that Hubbs eyes were bugging out of his head, and he said, "This Thursday??" I think we had both mentally prepared it would probably be next week. Not to mention the fact I was worried about little peanut, and scared she might not be ok.

We are waiting to hear back from the doctor to confirm we will be getting induced. Its not what I wanted, but I want peanut to be safe and healthy and I don't want to put her at risk. I am dilated to a 2 so hopefully my body will react well to me being induced. I am nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. I realize I have had 9 months to prepare for this, but there is such a mix of emotions. So hard to explain, I just hope and pray they will be able to get the cord off of her neck, or we could be in for a c section.

Out of my control I know. So crazy to think I can be meeting my little peanut on Thursday, where or where did the time go?

On a side note the son has been such a great kid. This has been by far the easiest summer adjustment we have had. He is really enjoying his time with his Daddy. It is precious to watch. He is liking his school and has been really good. He is so much fun to be around at 4 years old, its fun to watch him play and see what all he knows. He is getting excited about his little Sister and knows she could be coming in 2 days. I am looking forward to us getting to spend a month together as a family before he has to go back to his mom's house.

Things are going good, and hopefully they will continue to go good on Thursday.

I will keep you posted!!!

Trying to Have Patience

2011-06-27T14:27:00.000-05:00

My original due date was 7/14/11, an ultrasound showed the baby was a week ahead and estimated the due date was 7/8/11. My doctor didn't move the date or anything but I started thinking 7/8/11 sounded better than the 14th! I have never been one to show much patience in anything, I usually want to skip ahead, be there already, etc and then sometimes regret not just enjoying the moment.

While pregnant I feel I have done a really good job about enjoying the stages and all the surprises that have come with being pregnant for the first time. However, now that I am in the home stretch and only 2 weeks away I find myself just wishing I will go into labor. Part of me feels that had I not ever gone into pre-term labor, or dilated to a one, 4 weeks ago, I wouldn't be nearly so impatient. Now that I am off bed rest and experiencing constant cramping (like menstrual cramps) and back pain, along with contractions that are strong enough to wake me up at night, I am just ready to go into labor and meet my precious daughter. The anxiety of not knowing when it will happen, the second guessing the contractions, and wondering if that one was real or not is starting to wear on me.

On the other hand I also know taking care of a newborn is no cake walk either, and I will probably be begging to go back to the misery of being 38 weeks pregnant.

We have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 9am, we are having an ultrasound done because my doctor feels the baby is big, and possibly wants to set up a date to be induced. Not that there is anything wrong with being induced but from the beginning I told myself, Hubbs and everyone I wanted to go into labor naturally, I wanted my labor process to be as natural as possible. BUT now that I am so close, and yet still so far I find myself wanting to set up a date to be induced ASAP, its like dangling a carrot ~~piece of cake~~ in front of me and asking me not to go after it!

I am enjoying this time with peanut in my belly, I know I am going to miss feeling her move everyday, and I know when I have to go back to work its going to be so hard being away from her when she has been such a part of me for the past 9 months.

I just think going into pre-term labor, made me think this would happen sooner than later, and now that I am not progressing I find myself getting frustrated. Plus being an OCD planner type, setting up a date to be induced just sounds way to easy!

I am really looking forward to our appointment tomorrow, I cannot wait to see little miss. I also secretly want to confirm she is still a she! One can never be too sure! I am just hoping I can exercise some patience and try to stick this out as long as possible. Only peanut knows her birthday, I just wish she would stop messing with me every night and making me have contractions for no reason! Guess the fun is already beginning. :)

Two Years

2011-06-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

Today is the two year anniversary of my blog. Hard to believe two years ago I was a new struggling stepmom, who lived with her boyfriend, and was very insecure about her place in the mix and with the dreaded PEG. A lot has changed over those past two years, while other components have remained the same. Either way I have grown as a person, as a wife, and as a stepmom. I have learned like most things in life there will always be good days and there will be bad days. Its how you deal with those bad days that makes you a happier wife and stepmom, as well as a sane one! HA

A lot has happened in two years, Hubbs and I got married, we created a life, we suffered a great loss, and we have grown together throughout all of this. I love Hubbs more than anything in this world, he really is my better half. I could not have found a better man to share my life with, and be the father of our baby girl who is set to arrive any day over the next couple of weeks. I am blessed to have my family, my friends, and my amazing husband I get to wake up next to every morning.

Recent events have reminded me just how precious life is, and I don't want to spend my time trying to fix or control things that are completely out of my control. Some things have remained the same, PEG is still a nutcase, and I question her decisions as a mother, but I have learned to tune her out as much as possible and it has made my life easier. My relationship with Hubbs is that much stronger. It was a long hard road, and on occasion I still struggle but I have a much better understanding of what I can handle and when I need to take a step back and let Hubbs make his own decisions regarding the son.

We started our summer visit last weekend with the son, and while its never completely perfect, and we are all currently adjusting to each other, it is an absolute joy to have him in our house. I feel so much relief when he is with us, and it really does make our lives feel more complete with him there. I can only hope he realizes how much we love him, and how much we love being with him. We will be expanding our little family of 3 to 4 in the next two weeks, and its hard to imagine what it will feel like to be the "Mom". To have a child with no strings attached, and no one we have to share her with. I am really looking forward to Peanuts arrival, and trying to enjoy these last couple of weeks of pregnancy.

We have suffered great sadness over the loss of my MIL, but I know time will help heal us, although we will never stop missing her or noticing her absence. I hope the birth of our daughter sheds some joy and happiness, and gives us the break from all the sadness.

Our life is truly blessed, and I look forward to all the many things to come. This blog has been a saving grace for me numerous times, I have met so many wonderful women out there, and have received such great advice. I hope I have several more blog anniversaries to celebrate and look forward to what the future holds. Sometimes its is easy to take the future for granted, we always expect there will be a tomorrow, and unfortunately that is not guaranteed. What we can hope and pray for, are many wonderful todays, and a life full of love, family, and no regrets.

Never Take Things for Granted Part II

2011-06-07T12:09:00.000-05:00

I couldn't finish typing the words I wanted to say the other day. Every time I start to say out loud that my MIL is deceased I get emotional and to be honest it just still does not feel real.

A long story short we jumped on a plane the following Saturday morning at 8am to fly to be with Hubbs' family. We didn't sleep at all Friday night, we paced the house, I was on the phone with the airlines trying to get flights booked and deal with that so Hubbs did not have to. He was in shock, he was trying to reach his sister and that night seemed to last forever.

Being past 32 weeks pregnant my doctor had told me not to fly but after reading the airline guidelines as long as I wasn't 36 weeks I could fly. I had no choice but to go, I had to be there for Hubbs, so off we went and we prayed nothing would go wrong in that area. I was 34 weeks at that point so at least that was working for us.

We spent 8 days at Hubbs' parents house. We planned the funeral, dealt with all the little details, or as much as we could so my FIL didn't have to worry. It was a complete blur of a week, we were exhausted, had hardly slept and since my MIL had so many friends we had at least anywhere from 50-100 people at the house every night. My ankles were completely swollen and I started to get cramps middle of the week.

The funeral was a beautiful service, over 500 people with there, she received more than 70 plants and flowers and I cannot even begin to tell you how many stacks of mail we went through with donations for her memorial or just money for the family. The overwhelming support from friends in their community was truly incredible. It meant a lot to have those people around us, but the entire time we were there I just kept waiting for my MIL to walk through the door. My SIL at one point made a joke that her mom should have made more enemies. It was funny considering the amount of food, drinks, desserts, and paper plates people were bringing over to the house to help take care of us. She was loved by so many people, its just not fair she isn't still with us.

I tried to be strong for Hubbs, I tried to put on a brave face in front of people but it was especially hard when her friends would want to come up to me and talk about the baby and how excited my MIL was to have another grand baby, a granddaughter at that and all the things she had told them about me and the baby. I felt this huge hole in my heart and while I know my baby will have an amazing guardian angel looking over her, I would give anything to have my MIL back. I miss her so much, she was a second mom to me. She was also a stepmom, and gave me such great advice, and her wisdom over the past three years. I will cherish those conversations the rest of my life.

I know time will help ease our pain, but I don't think Hubbs nor I will ever stop missing her, or wishing she was still here. She was a beautiful person inside and out, she was so kind, so patient, and always put others before herself. I found Christmas presents in her closet for the grand kids she had already bought. It made me smile.

We were fortunate to get to spend so much time with them because of the son, and I am so glad Hubbs went up in May to visit and was with his mom the weekend before she was killed. She was so young, and her death was just an accident, something so easily avoided....it really makes you stop and think about how truly precious life is, and how we should cherish those around us we love so dearly.

We have been back for a week and a half, things are tough, but we are getting by. I started to go into pre-term labor, so I have been put on bedrest until June 20th. Gotta keep that baby cooking for at least another week and a half. I know the emotional stress we were under didn't help me at all, but I am trying to take care of myself and the baby and hoping she doesn't come too early. Only 4 more weeks to go, pretty crazy.

We changed the baby's middle name to that of Hubbs' mom. I know she would like that and it sounds really good with her first name. I say my prayers every night and know my MIL is with us all the time and probably knows more about our baby then we do at this point. Losing a loved one is never easy, I hope the baby will be a good distraction for all of us, and having the son with us this summer will help Hubbs I know. Hard to believe we get him on June 19th. I am so looking forward to his visit. He handled the news really well, but has mentioned several times missing his grandma and wanting her to come back from heaven.

I wonder if the reality will ever really set in....

Never Take Things for Granted Part I

2011-06-04T20:01:00.000-05:00

Well I haven't even been on blogger or even thought about blogging in the last couple of weeks. The week of May 16th had started off so well. It was the week of my birthday, I had several things to look forward to, and Hubbs and I were heading to our birthing class that following Saturday the 21st. We did dinner with my parents on Wednesday night, Hubbs made a big fuss over my birthday, he really made me feel special and surprised me with a cookie cake I had been craving for weeks. It was really cute.

My work threw me a baby shower on Friday the 20th, we got a lot of great gifts for peanut and I brought home leftover cupcakes, so between cupacakes, my cookie cake, and my red velvet cheesecake from my work birthday party, we had a lot of dessert to eat. My mom made Hubbs and I a great dinner Friday night, we ate our dessert and got our paperwork out and ready for our birthing class the next day.

We watched some of our shows off the DVR and headed to bed. We were both pretty tired, and knew the class on Saturday from 9-4 was going to be a long day so off to bed we went.

We had been asleep for about an hour......and then.........the phone rang. The home phone.......the home phone NEVER rings, not at night. I was so out of it, I didn't even realize it was our home phone, I was half asleep when I remember thinking, why won't it stop ringing? I grabbed my cell and saw missed calls and missed text messages, all from Hubbs' dad and older sister. I started yelling at Hubbs to wake up, to call his dad. I shouted, "Something is wrong with your mom." I don't know how I knew, I guess I assumed since she hadn't called or texted me. He had his cell off so he was turning his on, it felt like eternity. I was yelling at him to call them, to use my phone, he told me to hold on, I think he was still half asleep, he had never even heard the home phone ring. I remember him getting out of bed, and calling his dad. I remember looking at the clock and it said 11:15pm. He started talking and all I could hear was Hubbs say, "No are you kidding me, no, no, oh my god, no." The home phone rang again, I answered it, and it was Hubbs' older sister. I told her Hubbs was talking to his dad, Hubbs started to hyperventilate, I asked her what was going on, what was wrong?

Thats when she told me, "Hubbs' mom is dead. Life of a stepmama she is dead." I dropped the phone, in shock, I couldn't find the words, I couldn't move. Our lives stopped at that moment, and I just started to pray it was all a terrible dream. I couldn't cry, I couldn't even comprehend what I had just heard. I got out of bed and went to Hubbs in the bathroom, he had collapsed on the floor. He was repeating something about this not being real. They couldn't reach his younger sister, she wasn't answering. Hubbs' parents had been out of town, they were 4 hours away from home, on a weekend getaway with another couple. They were watching the son on Sunday.

We had all these plans, all these future plans, my MIL couldn't have died, she was so young, she was so healthy. I had just spoken to her, Hubbs and her had texted 3 or 4 hours before getting this phone call. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening.

Mother's Day

2011-05-10T08:52:00.000-05:00

Wow time is really flying by, I swear I do not know where the time has gone. Only 8 weeks left until little peanut arrives, maybe even less time. I am going to my doctor every two weeks now and have an appointment on Thursday. I passed my glucose test with flying colors the first time around, so I was pretty pumped about that. I got two very sweet mothers day cards from my baby to be and one from our fur kids. Hubbs did a great job acknowledging the day was special for me, and he got me the new iphone 4. Thank you little peanut! I cannot wait to celebrate next year when she is with us in person, it is really going to make the day special.

I am 32 weeks along, 21 lbs have been gained and overall I am feeling pretty good. I can tell Peanut is growing like a weed because her movements are becoming more and more painful, she can actually move and contort my stomach into weird shapes. Its pretty entertaining to watch, she must get bored in work meetings because she moves around a lot during that time. We got her bedding in last week and it is precious, I am so glad my fellow stepmom friend Tulip- Family in Bloom, recommended this website to me for baby bedding. They did such a great job! It looks precious. Now I am just waiting on her painted letters to arrive, and the glider/rocker and we should be good to go. I still have a bunch of little things to buy, but I am having a work shower on May 20th so I am going to hold out until then before I make any purchases.

I have not been able to blog in so long, so I have a lot of catching up to do, so sorry for the long rambling post! Feel free to stop reading now!

We got to spend spring break/Easter with the son and we had a really good time. He is growing up so fast, but he still seems excited about his new sister and overall I think this summer is going to be a lot of fun, crazy but fun. I have a few things I want to get to do with the son before peanut comes so we are hoping to cram that all in before her arrival. Then I told Hubbs he and the son will need to do some father son things together so he doesn't feel left out when peanut is demanding most of our attention. Hubbs is flying up there this Friday to spend the weekend with him, and get to watch his soccer games, I know Hubbs is really looking forward to that.

Hubbs' family had the son on 3 different occasions last week, babysitting since PEG was at work. One visit was an overnight stay, then Thursday night, and then all day Saturday from 10am to 10pm. We got to webcam with the little guy on Saturday and he wished me a Happy Mother's Day. It was precious, he was really cute, he then told Hubbs Happy Mother's Day and his mommy. I told him to make sure to give his mom a big hug and kiss and tell her Happy Mother's Day on Sunday. I was proud of him, and he was so excited to wish us all a good day.

He must have said something to PEG the following day, and somehow she twisted it into him calling me mom so she berated Hubbs with texts messages about how I am not the mom, I am barely considered a babysitter with what little time I see the son, and she is sick and tired of being disrespected by us. She said the son calls her boyfriend dad all the time, she corrects him, and he see her BF way more than his own father. Can we say dig??

Why does she always find it necessary to bash my husband as a father, diminish my 3 year relationship with the son, and our importance to him? First and foremost the son NEVER calls me mom, or hasn't since he was old enough to know I am not his mom. He has always called me by my name and to my knowledge I have never heard him call anyone else Dad, why would he? Unless of course he is being coached by PEG. The one thing I have learned about PEG is that whenever she gets upset/mad at us about something and starts accusing us of doing something, she is usually doing what she blames us for. While we might live 12 hours away all of our time spent with the son is 24 hours a day, we only work during his summer visit but our hours are the same everyday of every week. I work 8-4 and Hubbs is 8-5 so we spend every evening and every weekend with the son. Aside from the summer visit all holidays, and weekends are spent work free, we spend the entire time with the son. When he is with PEG he goes to daycare every day and then when she works nights, he goes somewhere else. She also works every weekend so he doesn't get to spend much time with her there. The time she does get off she is usually sleeping and takes him to daycare. So maybe one day a week they spend together and about 3 nights a week. That really isn't much when you think about it. For being the full time parent she doesn't spend as much time with him as we would if he were living with us. Makes me sad, he gets left with so many different people, I hate he doesn't have a set schedule or more consistency in his life, it just isn't fair.

It makes me worry about what she says to the son, was anything said to him? Did she repeat to him what she texted us? Did she convey the message to the son that I am not a parent to him, and shouldn't be viewed that way? It all just pisses me off, she is such an insecure baby and you would think after 4 years, and all the consistent monthly visits from Hubbs and how much time is spent with the son regardless of the distance she would acknowledge Hubbs as a good father, she would acknowledge I am the stepmom and she would stop going back to things she said in the beginning that have now been proven wrong.

I mean she got pregnant and Hubbs lived 12 hours away, its not like he moved away from her and the son. Nothing has changed in their situation except she promised to move to our state and shockingly never did. Hubbs has held up to every single promise he made to PEG, even ones I feel he should have broken. He kept his word, but PEG has proven time after time, she cannot be trusted, she is not a changed person, and nothing is ever her fault. EVER

Summer Visitation

2011-04-12T09:31:00.000-05:00

We had to do a little negotiating with PEG about the son's summer visitation. I hate being in this position, I hate having to ask PEG for anything, because she ALWAYS wants something in return and she usually makes a huge deal about us asking for anything, and will hold it over our heads until she eventually needs something, or has a bad day and decides to go down the Hubbs is a bad dad road.

This summer is a little bit different than usual with Peanut's arrival and what not. My due date is 7/8/11 but who knows when the baby will actually come. On top of that we have to pick 6 weeks to have the son, and try to plan that around the unknown birth date, since Hubbs will have to fly up to get the son, and take him back etc. I would hate for him to miss out on the birth of our daughter. So we picked getting the son fathers day weekend and then taking him back that last weekend in July.

That weekend is the same weekend my sister in law (Hubbs' sister and her boyfriend) are coming down to visit and ~~have a vacation~~ help with the baby. His family started giving push back when Hubbs told them he would fly the son back that Saturday and come back in the same day. My MIL called him and asked him to ask PEG for more time so that he wouldn't miss out on my SIL's visit, and then my SIL could take the son back with her on August 2nd. Seems like a fairly reasonable request, and it would allow Hubbs to not have to leave peanut and I, which would be really nice considering she might be a week to 2 weeks old. I also thought it was nice my SIL was offering to take the son home for us, saves us an airline flight as well.

I knew Hubbs didn't want to ask, but it was worth the BS from PEG so he sent her an email explaining our situation and asked if his sister could bring the son back with her 2 days later. PEG immediately responded that she would allow that, but wanted to combine her weekends so she could take 4 days and get 2 extra days to compensate for us having the son 2 more days. (She thinks her giving up a day should result in us giving up a day, I guess she forgets we are no where close to a 50/50 split, so giving a day back for us is a lot more than a day from her)

We knew PEG was going to ask to combine her weekends again, like she did last year. She no longer works for an airline and doesn't want to fork over our money to pay for two trips. She had already started making posts on her facebook account about what to do with the son for 4 days. I thought it was funny she planned on getting that extended weekend before even having asked us, but I guess it shouldn't surprise me. Then she came back and said she wouldn't be able to get that much time off of work because that is her busy season so combining the weekends would work. Hubbs agreed and we put the issue to rest.

Then last night out of the blue Hubbs gets a text from PEG that says, "I will not be exercising my visitation this summer. I would like to talk to the son on Sundays or whatever day works best for you."

So looks like we will have the son all 6 weeks, without any interruptions like we did last summer. I find it interesting she can't even make the one flight a year required to see her kid. Hubbs does that every month, flys up for 2 days to be with the son. Then we take the son all 6 weeks and pay her child support while we pay for all his daycare ($1300 for 6 weeks) and price of travel, and everything else to care for a child. While PEG gets a 6 week vacation, without having to pay a cent and makes $1800 off the deal. Insane to me....I feel she should at least have to pay a portion of the son's daycare while he is with us, but thats just my opinion what do I know?

1 Year

2011-04-04T09:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Hubbs' and my one year wedding anniversary. I cannot believe a year has already passed, where or where has the time gone. We had such a fun weekend, we went to dinner on Saturday night to a fondue restaurant. Hubbs had never been and we enjoyed our 3 hour, 4 course dinner. We laughed and talked about when we were dating, funny stories, and then all the events coming up in our near future.

The dessert was AMAZING, we dipped strawberries, bananas, cheesecake, angel food cake, brownies, rice krispie treats, marshmallows covered in graham crackers, and Oreo cookies into a milk chocolate and crunchy peanut butter sauce, YUM YUM YUM. I told Hubbs we were going to have to visit this restaurant one last time before peanut's arrival and just go for dessert. It was pure heaven.

I planted flowers Saturday afternoon, and enjoyed the beautiful weather outside. On Sunday our actual anniversary we made a good breakfast, watched a couple rented movies, took the dogs on a walk, and then went to a concert and watched one of our favorite bands play. It was the perfect anniversary celebration weekend, I loved every minute of it.

After we got home, we went to visit some friends of ours who just had a baby last Monday. We got to meet the little one, and see her adorable little face. She is one precious baby. Crazy to think we are going to have one of those in a few months. I held her for a while, got her to stop crying a few times, and even got her to drink an entire bottle. The mom told me that was the most she had drank and started calling me the baby whisperer. Maybe I will be better at this whole mom gig then I thought! HA

It was a wonderful weekend, spent with my most favorite person in the world. I am so lucky to have Hubbs in my life, and hope we have many many more anniversary weekends to celebrate.

At one point during the concert, Hubbs leaned down to say something into my ear, he said, "You are the hottest woman in this bar babe, and by far the most beautiful pregnant woman." It made me smile, he is such a sweetheart. I might feel like a whale but its nice to know he still finds me hot. :)

Soccer Coach

2011-03-31T15:47:00.000-05:00

Turns out PEG is going to be the coach for the son's youth soccer team. There are only 4 players, and basically the coach has to get the team organized and tells the parents where to bring their kid to play. I don't know if they needed volunteers or if PEG was just feeling the need to get involved so she signed up as the team lead. Funny because she usually works on Saturdays, so I don't know if she is able to change her schedule that easily or what. Nice to know she is involved with the son.

Anyway the point of this blog post was to recap the email PEG sent to the parents. Hubbs had asked her for a soccer schedule on a few occasions, and she texted him one night to tell him she was going to send him the schedule first thing in the morning, she would forward him the email to all parents, she had completely forgotten to include Hubbs because well, he isn't a parent, he is a bank!

So around 1pm the next day (or first thing in the morning to PEG) Hubbs gets an email from her and attached is the email she sent to the other children's parents who will be on the team. I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING when I was reading her email. Her grammar was terrible!! She used the wrong words, and had several misspellings. In this day and age its really hard not to have auto spell check on your emails or something at least. I had to share because its just too good not to!

Email:

Hello everyone,

I have attached the Soccer for the spirng soccer season. Our games are listed as my name, PEG. If there is a dot by our name that indicates a double header, which is May 14th. I have also enclosed a map of the soccer complex for anyone who is not familiar wiht the fields.

On the schelduel, it will indicate Field1 which the map indicates Field#10. The field is a large field spilt up in sections for youth soccer; therefore, we will be on section 1 Field#10. Pictures will be taken the second Saturday. If that changes I will let you know and also our exact slotted time, as soon as I know.

Youth soccer we do not have practices during the week. The first 30 minutes will be practice and the last 30 minutes will be a 3 on 3 scrimmage. Please let me know if your child will not be attend the game.

Please remember shin guards are mandatory with socks that cover them along with the Y jersey. If you still need to get a jersey you can get them at the Y for $15.00. The kids may wear rubber molded cleats or tennis shoes.

If any parent is interested in bringing treats let me know before the first games so I can get a treat schelduel together.

Any game cancelations you can call 800-123-1234 after 8am Saturday mornings, which is a voicemail for the Y sporting events or go to their website. The company would be under blank YMCA. You can subscribe to receive and email or text. I will do my best at contacting everyone directly, just let me know what is the best wat to contact you (email, call, or text).

If you have any questions or concerns feel free to contact me on my cell phone or via email. This is the best email since I have access to it 24/7.

I am excited for the season and can't wait to meet everyeone!

PEG

So that was what she sent out to the parents, I cannot believe she didn't take the time to at least re-read what she had written. Does she do that with her work as well? Anyway it just made me laugh since she is working on her masters degree and thinks she is genius level smart. Must be nice to have that kind of confidence!

At least we have in writing that she has access to her email 24/7, she has told us she doesn't have Internet access at her house. We knew she had a smart phone and I could tell when she would reply to an email via her blackberry but it is just funny to catch her in another lie.

Ramble Post...I apologize now

2011-03-29T11:28:00.000-05:00

The son is going to start playing soccer this spring, his first official organized sport team. I can tell Hubbs is super excited about it. It starts in early April and he will play a total of 7 games, over 6 weekends, one weekend is a double header. They do not practice, so the first 30 mins of the game is "practice" and then the other 30 min is a 3 on 3 scrimmage against the other team. Since its all 4-5 year olds, the girls play with the boys. I am sure the son is going to look pretty stinkin cute in his little soccer uniform.

Due to his birthday being mid march, and he had to be 4 to start playing, PEG had to enroll him in the latest of soccer leagues and the weekend we get him (spring break) they do not have any games, so unless Hubbs was to make a special trip up there he wasn't going to be able to see the son play.

Before we knew about soccer we planned to not have a May visit, we usually met Hubbs' parents and the son at a cabin half way but its a 6+ hr drive for us, and going somewhere mid to late May with me being that pregnant wasn't something I wanted to do. A 3 hr flight 2 weeks ago was uncomfortable enough, and my doctor doesn't want me traveling past the first week in May. My in-laws didn't seem to like the idea too much, maybe they forgot I will be 32+ weeks pregnant and driving out to the middle of nowhere is not somewhere I want to be incase something happens or whatever. I guess its more important they see their son (Hubbs), so of course my MIL played "The son" card, and gave Hubbs a guilt trip for not seeing the son in May. Mind you our spring break visit with the son is over Easter, which is the end of April this year. We will be getting the son for his summer visit with us beginning of June.

The funny part is if we planned to meet them at the cabin this May, chances are the son wouldn't be able to come with. I know PEG wouldn't want him to miss his last soccer game of the year, and she wouldn't let my in laws get him early since it is a 7 hr drive for them to the cabin, so we would be spending a weekend with Hubbs' parents, and sister, not with the son.

Regardless I know Hubbs would love to see the son play soccer, I would love to see the son play soccer, so I emailed him yesterday after he told me his mom had brought it up to him again about missing a visit in May and told him if he wanted to go, that was fine with me, I think it would be great for him to see the son play and I am sure the son would enjoy that. I told him I couldn't go with, and we would make it work money wise. He emailed his mom telling her he was going to look into coming up a weekend in May and her response was all about how excited the son would be, and how much he was going to LOVE seeing his daddy.

I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way, when we went to visit in march for the son's birthday his mom was just so overbearing. Its hard to explain but its like she is the mom with the son, and she oversteps and lets the son do whatever, and there are times Hubbs just goes along with it. It drives me nuts. It just makes me feel like even more of an outsider, I know I am not the son's mom, nor do I want to be, but in my family unit, married to Hubbs I pick up that role when the son is with us, but around Hubbs family I feel like I am just a friend of the family visiting, does that make sense?

I feel like his parents, mother especially just feel like the son has such a hard life they need to give him/do anything for him because he doesn't get to see his dad all the time. While I realize its not fair for the son, its the choice Hubbs and PEG made by even getting together in the first place, and its not something we should allow the son to think is a reason he can blame x,y, or z on. His parents didn't go through a nasty divorce, he has never known any different, and a lot of kids have a dad that travels often, or is in the service who they wouldn't see for even longer periods of time. Hubbs hates when his mother does this, he and I are of the mindset which helps but I think he feels guilt over what he did, over what his parents have had to deal with living in a small town that he doesn't want to have any conflict with his mom about it since they help us so much. It just seems to be getting worse and worse as the son gets older.

I know it sounds like I am just complaining and maybe thats true, or a part of it anyway, it just gets to be too much sometimes. I wish we could all get on the same page and realize that sacrifices have to be made by everyone in this situation. We don't get to see the son enough, half of the time we spend with him is with my in-laws, they get him two times a week so they get way more time with him then we do. There are going to be times when we just want to be a family (Hubbs, the son, and me) and we need that time together. Especially once peanut gets here. I feel like his mom has gotten more protective of the son ever since I got pregnant. Before I was pregnant she asked us all the time when were we going to give her more grandchildren. Now that is actually happening she keeps acting like Hubbs is ignoring the son, which couldn't be further from the truth.

The ironic part is that Hubbs has an older half sister, his dad was previously married and had a baby with his ex-wife, they got divorced shortly after she was born and two years later my father in law married my mother in law and they had Hubbs. They never saw this older half sister except on major holidays and she lived 45 miles away. My MIL treats her kids differently then then her stepdaughter, she treats her stepdaughter really well and does a ton for her children, but you can tell she is closer to her two kids (hubbs and his younger sister) and the son, her biological grandchild. So I think its funny, she has been in my shoes, she has told me how my father in law's mother would cross the line and keep in contact with the ex-wife. All the things she had complained to me about, is EXACTLY what she is doing now.

I am just frustrated. I had a pretty big cry session over it last week. I was tired, worn down, and just broke down. I tried to hide in the bathroom but Hubbs noticed I wasn't around and tried to come and find me. I think I scared him a little, he hadn't ever seen me cry like that but I couldn't stop or help it. I was upset for so many reasons, but this lack of control over step family life, and knowingly bringing a new child into this life has me torn at times.

Stepmom Friends

2011-03-23T10:07:00.000-05:00

I cannot say enough how extremely helpful it is to have stepmom friends. About a year and a half ago I met up with some stepmamas in my area for dinner/drinks. We have been meeting monthly ever since. Our dinners are something I look forward to, and enjoy being a part of.

It has been a place to vent, ask for opinions, hear other stepmom stories, and spend time with people who have a much better understanding of your family dynamic and life then a non-stepmom can. There is no judgment, there is no blame, just a bunch of us listening to eachother, offering support, and providing humor in a sometimes tough situation.

I think outsiders view our group as a place to bash the bio-moms, but in reality we don't spend a lot of time doing that, every meeting is different, it just depends on what we are going through and what new stories we have to share with the group.

Afterall we are just married women, who inherited some kids along the way, who sometimes enjoy that moment of escape to admit our shortcomings, and hear from other friendly faces that everything is ok, and we are not the problem.

Last night was our monthly dinner, and to my surprise the ladies threw me a baby shower. It meant the world, they didn't need to do that, but I was so touched by their thoughtfulness. It is so nice to have people to share the drama associated with stepfamily life, its also nice to have people to celebrate the good times of stepfamily life. Little Peanut is a lucky girl, and is going to be loved by so many!

Babymoon

2011-03-15T10:36:00.000-05:00

Well fellow bloggers I took a mini-vacation with Hubbs to San Francisco and let me tell you it was a fantastic time! We had so much fun, and it was so nice to get away from everything and just get to hang out with each other. No distractions, nothing. Pure bliss!

We got back late last night, so I am still pretty tired, and trying to make up for the 3 hours I lost since this weekend was also the time change. Boo.

We ate such great food, walked everywhere, did all the sightseeing stuff, and talked so much, we really had a good time. I know that "couple time" is going to become even more precious once peanut gets here, so I am enjoying it all now! I was glad to get home though, I missed our dogs, our house, and most of all my bed and pregnancy pillow. I slept like a rock last night, even if it was only 5 hours.

We celebrated our first year of marriage and how much we have accomplished and done in the few years we have been together. I love waking up everyday to my soul mate, I really did get lucky in finding him. Aside from the drama, our life is so wonderful, and I wouldn't trade him for anything. I can honestly say I am so freaking happy, like can't stop smiling happy. I love my life, I love my family, and I have so much to be thankful for.

Thursday is the son's birthday, he is such a big boy now, I cannot wait to see him on Friday. This is the first time I have flown up with Hubbs for his birthday. Its so expensive to fly both of us up there for two days ($750) so usually Hubbs goes, and then I join him for spring break in April, but this year I really wanted to make the effort to go, and spend the extra money. I haven't seen the son since New Years and I have been missing him.

Should be a really good time, and I know the two days will fly by but at least its a short week of work, and another weekend away from home. Once we get back I am going to focus on getting the nursery started, since I will be 6 months along this FRIDAY!! Where has the time gone??

So much to do, so many fun things to do, I am looking forward to all of it! Now its time for me to catch up on all the blogging I missed! :)

It's a Girl!

2011-03-03T14:53:00.000-06:00

Well it is confirmed, little peanut is a girl, we got to see the crotch shot and all. Nothing left to the imagination! She was a little stubborn and had her head moved away from us with her hands trying to cover her face. Guess we were interuptting her nap time!

She did move around a lot, and gave us glimpses of everything. She is so big compared to when we saw her at 13 weeks, I was shocked at how much she had grown. She is already 1 lb, and 9 3/4 inches long! They moved the due date up to 7/8/11 so that was pretty cool! I will take it, I am hoping she comes a week or so early, so that made my day.

Her name is going to be Hadley Grace! I cannot wait to meet her. My mom and I are going shopping this weekend, there is a big consignment sale so hopefully we can get some cute things for the little one. I am beyond excited. Hubbs was pretty pumped as well. We taped the ultrasound and sent it to family. At one point she yawned and covered her mouth, it was precious!

Big Day

2011-03-02T09:07:00.000-06:00

Today is a big day for PEANUT!!! We have our 21 week appointment/ultrasound and will be confirming little Peanut's sex. I could not be more excited!!! Nervous to get on the scale for a 3pm doctor's appointment but we will just have to see what that says and hopefully maybe that will motivate me to just eat a couple of cookies instead of the entire box. :)

It has been so long since we have seen the little one growing inside of me, I am looking forward to getting to see all that movement I feel on the screen and see how well he/she is progressing. I am pretty confident Peanut is a she but I don't want to jinx anything at this point.

I woke up at 3:37 this morning and thought Hubbs or one of the dogs had kicked me. Then all the sudden I started feeling every kick from peanut and realized that was why I had woken up, she was doing gymnastics in my stomach!! It was crazy! I just left my hand on my belly and fell back asleep but it made me smile. It is so fun to watch my belly move with every little kick, I guess its pretty early to be feeling all of that, but I have been watching my belly move for the past two weeks. Such a miracle.

I hope to post some belly pictures this weekend, on another very exciting note my parents sold their house in 6 days for $10k less then their asking price!!!!!! This means they can move closer to us, and can see peanut more often, I am truly blessed. They are actually going to build a home in our neighborhood (its a pretty large subdivision) and are going to get started in a week or so, and should have the house ready by end of July.

So many wonderful things happening to us right now, I feel like one lucky lady. Hopefully I can get some work done before I leave for the appointment today, I am having a hard time concentrating!!

PEG's Response

2011-03-01T14:43:00.000-06:00

PEG finally responded to Hubbs about the missed Sunday night weekly call.

Hubbs: "Why didn't the son call us back yesterday?"

PEG: "You never called us......"

(Side note: I think it is so weird she refers to us calling the son, as Hubbs calling her and the son. Do you know what I mean about her saying you didn't call us? Weirds me out, Hubbs isn't calling PEG, he is calling the son. She has always included herself with the son like they are one person, I have complained about this in the past, just another example.)

Hubbs: "Yes I called at 7 and left a message." (He took a screen shot of his call log and texted that as well)

PEG: "Well my phone was dead...did it go straight to vm?"

(Why would you accuse us of not calling if you phone was dead and you had no clue whether we called or not???)

PEG: "Do you want to call tonight?"

Hubbs: "Yes we will call at 6."

PEG: "How about 6:15, sorry about yesterday."

(So if PEG really thought we hadn't called, why would she be apologizing?? Another lie told by PEG. )

We ended up getting to talk to the son, he was pretty cute and did a really good job of talking to us. She had just purchased a new toy for him from target so he was trying to play with it etc. Funny how he gets new books, new toys, or his movie gets put on right when we are scheduled to call him. Interesting......

Text

2011-02-26T13:38:00.001-06:00

Hubbs received a text from PEG that said the following:

"Will you be in town thursday night? Next Month? I am having the son's bday party that thursday night because work is going to be nuts beginning of March...So I was going to say you and life of a stepmama are more than welcome to come it'll be at 6p its just family that night at our house."

Hubbs responded, "For March we don't get there until Friday."

PEG: "Bummer...that means a lot for her coming when she's going to be so far along it means a lot to me the son will be excited? To feel the baby he tried to feel "mine" ha ha "mine" meaning no baby don't want that to be taken the wrong way ha ha I had one don't ever want another one to do diapers potty training and bitting ha ha I hope this summer I get to meet your guys bundle of joy!!!! So excited for you guys!"

I guess she thinks I am due in May, we have never told her when we are expecting little peanut. I am sure we will tell her as its get closer and Hubbs will probably need to get the son early so he can fly up there to get him and fly back in the same day. I don't want Hubbs spending the night away when I am four weeks away from having the baby. That would be just my luck!! Hubbs goes out of town, and I go into labor, no thank you!

***Update 2/28 - After Hubbs let PEG know both he and I were coming up in March for the son's birthday she texted hubbs this morning asking if the son was coming to Texas in March? Why in the world would we both fly up to get the son, and based on the 2 days we get him, flying him here would be a complete waste. Is she a complete idiot? She said the son said he was going to eat his bday cake in Texas so she wanted to know if he was coming down. Sounds like a freaking usual cry for attention. Meanwhile she never answered her phone or returned our call from last night. It was our usual weekly call with the son, and of course PEG never answered. Hubbs texted asking why the son never called us back and I know you are going to be shocked by this but SHE HAS YET TO RESPOND!! Amazing isn't it? WHy can't she focus on important crap, like letting the son talk to his father instead of trying to catch us in a lie, or thinking we haven't told her everything. So frustrating!!!

Peanut's Gift

2011-02-23T13:50:00.000-06:00

This post may sound ungrateful, please don't take it that way. PEG and the son went shopping for peanut, something I would never expect PEG to do, but she did regardless of her reasons and the son brought the gift to Hubbs over their weekend visit.

I know the son is excited about peanut, and he wanted to shop for her. I don't expect a 3 year old to know what to buy a baby but I would think PEG would direct him to buy something that Peanut would use or wear. She pretty much bought a gift that will never work and I find it humorous. She has had a child, she knows sizes of clothes children wear, so why she bought a size that wouldn't work unless peanut was a premie is beyond me.

Maybe its the cynic in me, but I feel like she is trying to send a message. Either buying us something we could never use, so we have to explain to the son why peanut can only put the dress on her future dolls, because it is much to small for a real baby, or she is wishing we have a premature baby. I have no idea, maybe it was the only thing on the clearance rack. Part of me wants to email her and ask for her a gift receipt but it seems like a waste of time.

The little baby einstein toy that the son got was pretty cute and while the premie dress hopefully won't work out, I am sure peanut will love her toy and play with it when we attach it to her car seat or stroller. Peanut is lucky to have such a loving and attentive big brother.

Not Wanting to Leave...

2011-02-22T13:00:00.000-06:00

Hubbs returned from his monthly weekend visit to see the son. I can tell every visit is better than the last, the son continues to grow up (he is turning 4 next month) and is more and more fun with every visit. I can also tell Hubbs is a proud papa playing Wii sports games with the son and seeing how good the son is at playing baseball, and tennis. It made his weekend.

They went to a monster truck rally, and a birthday party Friday night, it sounded like all in all they had a lot of fun and got to have some father/son bonding time. While I miss not getting to go with Hubbs every month I think it is so good they have that special time together. The son also gave Hubbs a present for peanut which had a little baby Einstein toy and a small girls' dress. The son was pretty proud of his purchase and showed Hubbs how the toy works etc. Hubbs said the son was super excited about it and was pretty cute about getting a gift for his sister.

When Sunday at 6pm rolled around and it was time for the son to go back to his mom, he started to get upset and said he didn't want to leave. When she came and got him, he started crying and according to PEG it got pretty bad. PEG texted Hubbs and told him that the son was hysterical and wanted to stay with his daddy. She asked if Hubbs wanted to keep him for another night since he wasn't leaving until Monday morning. Hubbs replied and let her know of course he would take the son, after about 45 min after the original pick-up time she brought the son back to Hubbs. She texted and let Hubbs know that her BF wanted to see the son (since he is a long distance realtionship) so she was taking the son to see him but then would bring him back over.

I know Hubbs was really excited to have the extra time with the son, and I know it meant a lot to him that PEG was willing to give him that time whatever her motivations were. They don't get to spend a lot of time together, so having an extra night means a lot.

While it is difficult to think of the son getting so upset, and being so sad over leaving his dad it was good to know that he loves spending time with his dad, and I am glad PEG was able to see that.

We will see what the future holds but I know the hard goodbye wasn't easy for Hubbs and added more guilt than he already has about the situation.

More Please....

2011-02-21T10:08:00.000-06:00

Wow my appetite has increased to levels I never thought possible. I am 20 weeks pregnant, halfway!! Woohoo and feel like I could eat and eat and eat and never get full. I have done so good up to about 19 weeks. That is when I noticed a huge increase in hunger pains, and wanted everything in site.

The morning sickness period has worn off and my body seems to want to catch up on eating everything and any thing it couldn't have before. It made it really tough since Hubbs was out of town this weekend visiting the son, I had no one to hold me back or not want to act like a complete fatty around. DANGEROUS for me! It also didn't help I bought some snickers ice cream and had to have burgers two different occasions this weekend.

Sad I know, I did buy some healthy snacks at the grocery store over the weekend and packed them to eat at work today. I am going to try really hard to eat smaller meals more often a day to try and avoid binge eating with no end in site. It isn't easy, and like I said before, I have never been this hungry!

I went out to eat with my mom on Saturday and we did order a pretty healthy meal, I got veggies, black beans and grilled chicken but the bowl of queso I ate as an appetizer didn't help. I am still under the average weight gain so I am not so worried about that part of this, but I have to find a way to get these cravings for unhealthy food to a minimum and find a way to feel full without eating big meals throughout the day and later at night.

I have heard pregnant women say they get unbelievably hungry but just never knew how intense that was. I didn't feel that way for so long, and would get so full so fast, but this new appetite of mine has been somewhat shocking.

Hopefully I can make better choices, and cook more at home, its just so hard not to go grab something when I live 3 miles away from 50 different restaurants! Did I mention a In-and-Out burger is opening up a few miles from my neighborhood??!!! Don't get me wrong, I am still going to cheat, and the snickers ice cream won't finish itself, but I have to find a better middle ground! :)

7 lbs gained so far, and here is to 20-25 lbs more!

A New Mistress...

2011-02-18T10:53:00.000-06:00

This post has nothing to do with being a stepmom, but it is about having a PS3 Video playing addicted husband! I (stupidly) bought Hubbs a PS3 for his birthday a year and a half ago. He sold me on wanting the blue ray player and occasionally, I STRESS OCCASIONALLY playing a video game. Well ladies I fell for that hook, line and sinker!

He had NEVER played video games while dating or even when we were just friends, had I known then what I know now I never would have purchased said video game machine. I HATE IT! It has become "the mistress" in our house, it is consuming his time, he plays on an almost daily basis, and we have been fighting because of it.

I think it all started when I got pregnant and started going to bed super early, the 1st trimester was terrible for me, and I remember going to bed shortly after dinner, so Hubbs was left alone. It didn't help that none of our shows were on TV, or ones that he could watch without me, so how did he fill his time? Playing video games! He just got some new war game and LOVES IT! Like seriously loves it, I think he thinks about gaming more than me! Well truthfully I don't think, I know he thinks about gaming more than me, it is so obvious. While I am happy he has found something that doesn't cost much, and keeps him at home I have been begging him for some "us" time and finally ~~blew up~~ told him how his gaming was making me feel.

I admit it wasn't the best delivery, I was pretty upset, and while I would like to blame pregnancy hormones, I was pretty demanding, emotional, and quite honestly pathetic.

Hubbs seems to be needing more alone time lately, basically ever since he discovered his game and I am feeling invisible in our house.

After hearing how upset I was, he started being more attentive. I could tell he was really trying, and would spend the majority of the evening with me, and then would ask, "What my plan was?" Which seems to be code for "Do you have something else you can do so I can play?"

I never thought I would say this, but I am JEALOUS of a video game player, JEALOUS. I have had thoughts about taking it outside and smashing it, but then I snap back to reality and realize I have brought this on myself. I have had a lot of things going on lately and have enjoyed having my own times, I have several girls nights planned and am getting ready for the arrival of peanut. I have gotten over the initial shock of losing my husband to his PS3, and realized that if I let him play he is in a far better mood then if I try to make him do something else with me, so in a way I have given in, and let the PS3 win for now.

I don't want to be the nagging wife, I hate that he has found something he is so passionate about and enjoys so much that has nothing to do with me or us. I hate that I go to bed most nights alone, and wake up alone because he either plays late, or gets up early to play.

I long for the day when Hubbs would rather spend a night in bed with me, then in the living room gaming......I am hoping this is a phase and will at some point lose its luster.....one can hope right?

Signing the Son up for Activites

2011-02-10T15:58:00.000-06:00

Well the son is turning 4 in a month, he will be starting preschool in the fall and is growing up before our eyes. While PEG might not feel the son is ready to be in school and wants to hold him back from going to kindergarten, so basically he would do preschool, then pre-k, then kindergarten when he is 6 1/2, she is more then ready to sign him up for every sport activity available to his age group.

He lives in the mid-west so they play some sports (baseball, or tee ball) in the summer. Different from where we live, apparently PEG has the son signed up for soccer this spring, and wanted to sign him up for teeball in the summer. Knowing that is our time with the son she texted Hubbs and ~~demanded~~ asked the following:

"Tball is June 4 til July 16th every Saturday...can you plan your summer visit around that? I just wanna get him registered if you can Im not going to enroll him if hell be there maybe twice. Let me know I will get you a soccer sk as soon as enrollment comes out I know its this spring...he can do flag football not this fall but next but can do basketball this fall :) yea! The fun stuff starts!!"

Hubbs and I had previously talked about the summer schedule, the past 2 years we have picked him up middle of June and return him last weekend in July/1st of August. That time works well with us, the weather is usually pretty good. Summers are brutal here and I would love to have him May to middle of June but we like getting to celebrate July 4th with him, and since peanut is due July 14th we wanted him to be able to spend a couple of weeks with his sister before he had to go back to his mom's house. So we had planned on getting him about the same dates. Nothing is set in stone, we do not have to notify PEG until April 15, and Hubbs gets the power to decide the summer visit. Love how PEG is trying to dictate when we can and cannot have the son.

He responded that we planned on getting him the usual time so it probably wouldn't work out but we wouldn't know until April. She wrote back and said,

"Were going to have conflicts about baseball. I know you know how important it is for him to be involved do not peanlize the son." then later.... "I dont mind him missing a game but can you use the last half of July and August? I really hope you're not going to make the son choose btwn baseball and you. Can I assume you will take the son to soccer games during your weekend visits?"

THE SON IS 3, almost 4, what choosing does he have to make at this point? We don't even know if he will like playing sports. I could understand if he was 10 and in competition baseball and loved it and was really going to have to choose but I hardly think this situation compares. I think starting him out with 2 activities (soccer and basketball) will be more than enough to get him started.

I don't understand why she is so worried about him being involved in sports so young but then thinks school is going to be too tough on him. She is a school junkie, had to graduate high school early, college early and is supposedly getting her masters right now. She has told Hubbs on more than one occasion how important school and education are, yet she doesn't want her son to start. I cannot follow her logic, nor do I try anymore.

I hate that she feels tee ball is more important to the son than spending 6 weeks with his dad. Hubbs and I know as he gets older he might not stay the entire time, and he will have a life he won't like leaving for that long of a period, that time is going to be hard enough, should we really have to start worrying about that at age 4??

I checked the custody paperwork and it states we can schedule our 6 week visit between May 26th at 6pm- but he must be returned 7 days before school starts which would be August 11th. So Basically she isn't wanting us to use our full time. We are just going to stick with our usual plan of father's day weekend in June and return him July 31st.

Had to Vent....

2011-02-07T12:54:00.000-06:00

PEG has dropped the son off at my in-laws again on a Sat afternoon and was supposedly going to pick him up at 10:00 pm tonight. My MIL said that PEG had texted her and was thinking about just letting him stay the night, I mean seriously, why pick your child up when it is so much easier for you to leave him at the free babysitter and that gives you another night off?

So frustrated with her, I guess she is back to working weekends for extra money and now spends even less time with the son. We got to webcam with the son, he gets excited to see us, wants to see his room and favorite toys, but then he just seems sad and kind of shuts down on us. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Maybe its just his personality, but he just never seems as happy as other kids his age. It is hard to know if he is sad because of his situation, or if he is being a normal kid and is just not all that happy.

PEG texted Hubbs the other day saying she was looking at preschools and really liked this private school and if Hubbs would split the $3,000 a year tuition with her, she would enroll the son there. For those who don't remember PEG has issues with her sister and is in constant competition with her. Unfortunately this sister has a boy who is or would be in the same grade as the son. PEG wants the son to be held back for a year (even though he hasn't even started preschool) because she doesn't want him to be in the same grade as his cousin. She also bought a house in a completely different (not good) school district so he wouldn't go to the same (good) school as his cousin. Crazy? Yes I think so.

PEG admitted to moving to a not so good school district because of her sister and wants us to pay half the cost of tuition so that the son can go to private school when she lived in a perfectly good district before hand. The hilarious part about this is that the tuition is not expensive when you add up what yearly daycare costs, she pays $500 a month for the son now which is super cheap, that alone adds up to $6900, with the son not needing full time daycare her cost goes down, and I am sure with the $1200 a month we pay her she could find a way to make the payments. It cracks me up that even though she has been paid far more than she ever deserved or needed to be paid to cover the son's costs, she still wants more.

We live in a large metropolitan city and will be paying $1040 a month for peanut in daycare, we pay almost $900 a month for the son when he is here during the summer. We pay for his medical, we pay her child support, we pay for his daycare when he is with us, we have to buy our own clothes, and toys for the son, and we pay at least $450 a month to travel to see the son, and she wants us to pay her an additional $1500 a year to cover half of the school costs? She gets $1800 from us in the summer when she doesn't even have the son, why doesn't that count!!! Hubbs of course ignored her, she has asked us for this a few times in the past, and it is insane. Why can't PEG realize these were her decisions, she needs to pay for them not us. Hubbs has more than paid for his mistake and will continue to pay for the next 14 years. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, she has never had to suffer the consequences of having a baby out of wedlock on her own, she has never had to struggle financially from having a child unlike the majority of single moms. She has been very lucky to have child support every month (even before she would agree to sign the custody paperwork), a roof over her head, and no real costs from having a baby since her child support pretty much covers everything for her living in the small town that she does.

I know a lot of very hard working struggling single moms, who do not have family to help out, or a dad that is even involved with their kids, let alone one that pays child support. She gets child support tax free, claims the son in her taxes every year, and gets to write off daycare. It would be different if we were only paying her $500 or less a month, but based on her expenses I don't see why she cannot apply the child support to the tuition, I can understand why she doesn't want to, and I think she has gotten used to living off that money, so having to use it for something to pay for the son is just not something she wants to do.

Here I am stressing about the costs of peanut, and Hubbs and I have great jobs and have saved to prepare for this moment but it still scary, and I know how much kids cost. If I didn't have to worry about the costs of the son, it wouldn't be as bad, but the fear of having child support increased, or just the cost in airfare increasing, it adds to our already growing cost to have the son in our lives. Crazy to think if we were to ever get custody and didn't get a dime from PEG in child support we would still be money ahead?

It isn't fair, but I know thats life, and the it is the life I choose. Had to vent, my temper has been on a short fuse lately. Not helped by the fact we had terrible ice and snow and I was trapped in the house for a few days, talk about stir crazy! Glad to be back at work today!

Black Eye

2011-01-27T10:59:00.000-06:00

PEG texted Hubbs twice last night at 10:00pm and then followed up with a phone call at 1:30am. Does this chick ever sleep? Seriously, and guess what the problem was?? The son supposedly fell down and hit his nose then a few minutes later bumped his head. She was giving Hubbs the heads up incase the son had a black eye and said it was causing the son all sorts of pain.

The son is a typical 3 year old, he throws his body in every direction with complete and utter abandon. He doesn't worry about getting hurt, but then when he does, he cries and tries to get attention after Hubbs and I warned him to stop doing X 100 times before he finally got hurt. Typical boy in my opinion. He is also really clumsy, he must take after his mom. :)

She made a comment like so tomorrow if he has a black eye FYI....and I asked Hubbs why she would say that since Hubbs isn't going to see the son today. Then is dawned on me, my in-laws must be watching the son again. Twice a week like clock work, PEG drops the son off to stay the day and night with my in-laws. It is great they get to see him, and I know they love that time. Must be nice to have free babysitting whenever and her facebook post says she is off work so not for sure what she needs a babysitter for, just typical PEG stuff. I love how she tries to act like being a single mom is so hard, and she tells us we have no idea how difficult it is because she never gets a break....umm...you work nights half the time, you get one weekend a month off, 5 days at thanksgiving, xmas for 9 days, 5 days for spring break, and 6 weeks during the summer. What do you mean you never get a break?? Peanut is never going to be gone from us until she is old enough to spend the night out (for one night) or when she goes to college! The best part is PEG gets this time off at no additional charge, and the son is paid for so very little of her money if any goes to pay for him. I wish someone would start sending me monthly checks when Peanut is born, that sure would help!

Sorry I don't know why I am so angry at her, but I get sick of her crap, and had to vent because after this post I am not going to think about it.

Did I tell you all about the medical insurance conversation? We cover the son's medical insurance, unfortunately Hubbs' employer significantly changed their coverage and cost of the insurance this year. Since this year is a big deal for us what with a baby and all, it couldn't have come at a better time, hint the sarcasm. Anyway I was reading the child support docs and it states that if PEG also has coverage on the son she is supposed to inform us and split the difference. She has a job with benefits now, how nice would it be if she could also cover him, so basically we wouldn't have to pay additional money or copays. Hubbs texted her and asked if she had coverage and her response was, "No, my insurance is sicking expensive."

REALLY??? What do you think ours is, cheap?? Guess she doesn't care to know that we are now paying an additional $380 a month to cover the son so he can keep his good insurance. We could have taken a cheaper insurance but it doesn't cover as much as with kids you never know. We didn't want to take the risk of having something happen and then forking over the $5k (which would have to be split with PEG) for the deductible. So we are paying more out of our own pocket to give him better insurance, and PEG only has to split co-pays with us. She wins again! Ugh.....I get so tired of this crap.

Having to Share a Child

2011-01-25T09:48:00.001-06:00

After posting about PEG taking the son shopping for peanut, I got some really good comments that made me stop and think about other alternatives. Its easy to form your own opinion (especially when it comes to PEG) but this is why I blog, because sometimes someone else looking in on your life can give a better opinion or another point of view that you were not able to think about on your own.

Maybe the son asked her to buy a gift and she didn't want to say no, maybe she is trying to be supportive of peanut to show the son she cares. There are 100 different options and we will never know for sure what her motives are but maybe just maybe it came from a somewhat good place. I can only hope this BF in PEG's life is really helping her move on, and stop thinking about her past so much. According to her facebook posts she quotes a lot about her past, fixing her past, not being able to change the past, accepting her past, just about every way you can do anything with the past PEG has posted a quote about it.

We all have those first loves, the ones that took a while to get over, mostly because we needed to grow up ourselves but I think for PEG, Hubbs was that guy. She was so young when they got together (although she liked to act older) but she was still a young girl, shy of her 20th birthday and no real clue about the world. She wanted to grow up too fast, graduated high school early, graduated college early, she was determined to be older than she was, and maybe since she was the baby of 3 girls she felt she always had to prove herself. All I know is she didn't know what a real relationship was and may never know, but Hubbs wasn't it, and once she can let that go, and realize there is someone better suited for her she would be in a much better place.

Part of me believes that while she might not ever admit it, she thinks I am a good stepmom to the son, she knows how involved I am with him, and I am sure has heard stories over what I have done for him. She also knows how much the son loves me, if he is talking about us to PEG she knows. Maybe its competition but she wants to show she can be that way with peanut. In her distorted mind this is her trying to show she can be as big a person. Maybe she is jealous that I won't have to share my child with anyone, like she does, so this is a way of her reminding me she exists and peanut will know of her as well. I don't know, and I don't want to try and figure it out, but I did want to post about my different perspective.

Once peanut joins this family it will be an adjustment for everyone, Hubbs, the son, PEG, and me, but we will figure it out, and as long as we can hold our boundaries we will be just fine. I think PEG will come to realize her trying to be involved in our family life isn't going to work, and isn't going to be something we allow. She is of course going to try, but eventually she will have a life of her own, maybe other kids and she will realize. I think it helps we live so far away, thank goodness!

Weekend Wedding

2011-01-24T13:29:00.000-06:00

There was a wedding in the small town Hubbs' family and PEG live in over the weekend, we knew both PEG and Hubbs' family were invited. I know my in-laws were hoping the son would be in attendance so they could see him.

PEG sent us a picture of the son all dressed up and ready to go, he looked rather handsome. It truly is amazing how fast he is growing up. Time flies by way too fast!

He spent some time hanging out with my in-laws during the reception, he loves spending time with his grandpa, my father in law. They are two peas in a pod, the son is his little mini-me, it is pretty cute.

Anyway I don't know if I mentioned this before but PEG has a roommate, a good girlfriend of hers moved in sometime around Thanksgiving. She seems like a nice person, and cuts the son's hair. She is also the daughter of my MIL's best friend. Did you follow all of that? So as you can imagine I am sure my MIL gets the scoop on PEG by her friend all the time. Anyway the new roommate came over to talk to my in-laws with the son at the reception and said that she helped the son get ready and as she was helping him get his belt on the son said,

"My daddy wears belts just like this one, I look just like my daddy."

How precious is that? She also confirmed she had been at the store with PEG and the son earlier that day and the son had been pretty excited about his baby sister and did want to buy her undies. She told my in-laws that the son talks about his daddy all the time. That made my day, because we never know what the son says, and since he is a boy its important he feel close to his dad and look up to him. I loved getting to hear that. It made my day.

Shopping for Peanut...

2011-01-23T16:59:00.000-06:00

PEG took the son shopping on Saturday and somehow their trip turned into buying some gifts for Peanut. I guess the son told PEG how excited he was about his sister and wanted to get her something.

Super adorable (if its true) but she texted my MIL and hubbs asking if peanut was in fact a girl and said the son wanted to buy her some toys and undies, but she directed him more to clothes. She then asked Hubbs,

"Is there anything you haven't gotten yet? I just hated getting things that just cluttered bec I didn't want or already had. You should have seen the son he was so cute in the store and wanted to get his sister some undies instead I steered him into clothes haha."

I assume my MIL told her we were having a girl, I feel like the text was just an excuse to confirm the sex of the baby and the due date (not her first attempt), but I could be wrong. I am glad it sounds like PEG is being supportive of peanut and the son's sibling relationship, but her text bothered me.

For starters, I never wanted or imagined PEG getting peanut a gift from the son, that is something I was looking forward to doing with the son, and with Hubbs. We are the family unit, peanut it OUR baby and doesn't have a thing to do with PEG. I feel like she is crossing a boundary and using this as an excuse to contact us, bother us, etc. We are more than capable of taking the son shopping for his sister, we want to do these things, and since this isn't PEG's baby I want to tell her to back the hell off.

Secondly, the baby isn't due until July, we haven't gotten much for the baby at all, and we won't have any baby showers until early summer. Does PEG still think peanut is due end of April? I don't know, I don't really care.

I was expecting her to use the baby as an excuse to contact us etc, but wasn't exactly expecting this angle and I am trying to figure out why she is even doing it. It's not like we are friends or even get along, we don't want anything from PEG, if she wants to give us something she could pay for the son's daycare during his summer visit with us, since we still pay her child support and pay daycare for the son.

Maybe I am just being protective of peanut, but I don't want PEG trying to involve herself into something she has nothing to do with, I don't know how best to handle this. Hubbs just ignored her, but what do you think would be best?

Maybe its childish of me to not want to share this information with PEG but I don't. I don't want her to know details, it doesn't and shouldn't matter to PEG. I wish my MIL would not respond to her, but that is a different story.

Sunday

2011-01-16T21:00:00.001-06:00

My in-laws watched the son again today, PEG works every Sunday so they usually get him, especially if she has used up her other sources for other days of the week.

The son was in a really good mood, he talked to us via webcam for over 30 mins, and then talked to us later on the phone when PEG was on her way to come and get him.

He said something to my MIL about not wanting to go home, but why would he? He is completely spoiled by his loving grandparents, my in-laws. He loves getting to spend time with them, and I know Hubbs was really excited to get to talk to him today. The phone conversations never go well with PEG, and I am starting to realize its not all the son, he does great when he is with my in-laws, funny why that is, don't you think?

I digress, he got picked up and when Hubbs' phone alarm went off to remind us to call him I asked if we were going to call and he said no. I was about to say well you should tell PEG we aren't going to call, but then figured what the hell, she never remembers anyway so why bother.

At 7:05 pm he got a text asking if he was going to call or not! I couldn't believe it, PEG hasn't remembered a single phone call of ours in at least six months, how funny she remembers the day Hubbs parents watched the son all day. Hubbs just replied back and said no, we got to talk a bunch today.

Then about an hour later she sent this text:

"Oh my god, we laid down to watch scooby doo and the son asked me why his pee pee was standing up, and said it hurt and was practically in tears because it wouldn't go down, haha."

?????????

Another week...

2011-01-13T09:37:00.000-06:00

We haven't said anything else to PEG about holding the son back, there really isn't any point right now. I hope she makes the right decision and hopefully the son does better that she anticipates him doing in preschool. She had mentioned only putting him in 2 days a week, but we suggested 3 days, to help make the transition easier.

It is hard not to get beat down by this stupid stepfamily drama. I think in the beginning even though I wouldn't have admitted it I used to look at the son and wish he was mine. I wanted him to be mine, I wanted to erase his mother from the picture and make us one normal family. I treated him like my own, and tried to be his mom. I never asked to be called mom, I would correct him when he tried to call me that, although my heart would jump when he did, and I loved getting to hear it. Eventually reality set in and I realized that was never going to happen. He has a mom, one that he loves and should love very much. While I sometimes wish he could have a more simple, drama free life I cannot and did not make that choice. He was here before I was, and I have to accept he will be in my life forever.

Maybe its my hormones but ever since this little life started growing inside of me, and I got to see little peanut, that part of me that wanted the son to be mine, kind of went away. I guess I just realized what it felt like to really feel like the mom, it wasn't forced, I didn't have to pretend, I am peanut's mom and no one can take that away from me.

The son isn't any less important to me, but I am starting to understand what people mean when they say you feel different about your own. I guess it has also helped me understand why Hubbs goes to the lengths that he does to see the son and be a part of his life. While I don't have the exact same feelings about the son as Hubbs (nor do I feel like I should) I am starting to get it. I have a ways to go before peanut will be physically joining our family, but I find myself getting so unbelievably excited about peanut's arrival. All those times I felt on the outside with the son and Hubbs, when I questioned why Hubbs didn't see the son the same way I did, or what kept Hubbs going when PEG tried to make things miserable, and I would question why I couldn't deal with it quite like Hubbs could, finally I realize it was never about me, or me lacking some quality Hubbs had. I just had no idea what it truly felt like to be the parent, what that really meant and the emotional feeling that comes over you just thinking about your little offspring.

I know I am rambling here but I have been overwhelmed with my recent feelings, and am surprised by how strongly I feel towards little peanut. Its nice to be able to love a child and not worry about if you are loved back, or worried what other people are thinking about you loving this child. Everyone expects you to love your own, but then have all sorts of opinions on how you should love your stepkids. There is no right answer, and I think it is different for all stepparents out there. I have only been in the son's life for close to 3 years so I have a while to go before I really get to know him, and he know me. We didn't start at birth, and I didn't carry him in my belly for 9 months. I love the son, and love that we are giving him a little brother/sister but the emotions I have towards peanut are feelings I have never felt before.

I wonder what it is like for other stepmoms out there you after becoming a stepmom later had their own biological child? Did you go through the same wave of emotions? I feel so protective over peanut already and she is only 3 inches long.

Just wanted to share, pregnancy is a very interesting ride....that is for sure.

Let it Snow...Let It Snow

2011-01-11T10:39:00.000-06:00

We got our first "Winter Blast" here yesterday, we do not typically get snow every year but where we live we got about 6 inches. Surprisingly is hasn't melted yet so our grass is still snow covered and our little neighborhood looks so pretty. The roads were not bad at all, luckily they were all pretty clear so it was fun to actually enjoy the snow but work wasn't cancelled so we didn't get the snow day we were all hoping for!

I know everywhere north of us got a ton of snow yesterday, ours was just enough to enjoy but not enough to cause any major problems.

Hubbs emailed PEG again asking her to clarify what was really behind her thought process about holding the son back, and asked if he was going to be enrolled in preschool or pre-k next year. She basically said she had talked to a 4th grade teacher who had looked at the son and told her she didn't think he was ready. That most people hold their boys back until they are 6 to start kindergarten and there is no harm only positives from holding him back.

While not surprised, I couldn't believe PEG was listening to one person who wasn't even a kindergarten teacher mind you, and someone who doesn't even personally know the son or spend any time with the son. I thought at least she was going to say the lady at the daycare mentioned it or something. Since when does "everyone else is doing it" become a valid reason to hold your child back who does not have a learning disability and has not shown any signs of needing to be held back? What will one year do? Don't you think it would be better to at least try kindergarten, worst case he repeats it, but I doubt that will even be necessary.

PEG graduated high school early, she graduated college in 3 years, and did it while getting pregnant her junior year and taking care of the son and graduating her senior year. She was pregnant at 19, and now she wants to hold her son back (he hasn't even been tested or been to preschool yet) so that he will graduate high school at 19. I did a bunch of research yesterday and found a really good article, one I think Hubbs will email to PEG. Check it out: Holding your kids back.

I think we are both hoping this is just one of PEG's things she says she is going to do but then never does, but she still has to get him enrolled in either preschool or pre-k so this will take some effort on her part. What would be better for the son, preschool or pre-k if he is going to start kindergarten the following year? The article I found fully supports everything Hubbs and I think, and what I feel most people think.

I told Hubbs this kind of stupidity really makes me want to fight for custody, she is not doing the son any favors and for whatever reason never thinks the son measures up. I would have sworn on my life PEG would have been the complete opposite, thinking her son was perfect in every way, but instead she is always trying to tell him or us he isn't up to speed or has some sort of crutch. I am a firm believer if you continue to treat a child and tell them they are not good, then they will become that way. That behavior with PEG and the son scares me to death, he is such a smart and gifted little boy. I think holding him back will either make him bored, or he will miss out on opportunities, the sooner someone starts teaching him, the sooner he can develop. Kindergarten isn't about maturity it is about developing the child, and that is what the son needs.

Holding the Son Back...

2011-01-09T18:48:00.000-06:00

So the son is 2 months away from turning four years old. He has changed so much in the past year, even in the last six months. He is a non-stop chatter box, and has a pretty wide vocabulary. His new favorite word is actually. Example: "The son would you like chicken for dinner?" "Actually, stepmama I would like a corny dog."

It is really cute to hear him say actually. He knows his sports, shapes, learning his letters, he can count to 20, and can pretty much say his ABC's. Compared to where he was a year ago, he has really grown and you can tell he is a smart little boy. He definitely has a lot of energy, he will only sit still if he is watching an action movie, but regardless he can sit perfectly still in his own little world watching Batman until the movie is over. It is actually pretty impressive. See there I go now. :)

Anyway PEG had told us over the summer she was trying to get him into a preschool program. For whatever reason it never happened and the son has remained at his regular day care at a women's house with about 10 other kids. Yesterday while Hubbs and I went to the baby store to start looking at strollers and gliders (a different post about that beat down later), Hubbs received a text from PEG.

PEG: Did I talk to you about holding the son back a year? What are your thoughts?

Hubbs and I have discussed this before. I figured she would try to pull this for a couple of reasons:

A) We have to continue to pay her child support either until the son turns 18 or graduates from high school, which ever comes later. So another year in school means $15k or more for PEG. (Assuming at some point she takes us to court for more money as the maximum keeps getting increased)

B) Her sister has a son the same age as the son, PEG doesn't get along with her family and is always in direct competition with her sister over who has the perfect child etc. She is constantly comparing the son to her sister's kid, and tells Hubbs that she doesn't want the son in the same grade as his cousin so she moved to a different (worse) school district and asked us to pay for his private school since she didn't want him compared to his cousin. It is also the reason she didn't want the son to get tubes in his ears because it would mean he wasn't perfect and instead let him suffer one too many ear infections until we finally had him, took him to the doctor and was told PEG had been notified he needed the surgery but hadn't taken care of it. So we booked the surgery date and told PEG she needed to take him or he could suffer from permanent hearing loss or a speech impediment. The son ended up having to have a second set of tubes his ears were so bad. We saw major improvements with his speech once he had the surgery. I have never been so mad at PEG for being such a stupid mother before, it was also the first time I realized while she acts like the son is her world and she would do anything for him, it really is all about her.

Hubbs and PEG went back and forth, Hubbs asked if the son was going to be put in pre-k this coming fall to which PEG said he would but felt he wouldn't be ready for kindergarten and was going to hold him back, because he is a boy, and has a march birthday which she feels is considered too late. ARE YOU FING kidding me???? The son is as tall as a 6 year old, and weighs as much as an average 5 year old. He has a lot of energy but he is a boy and how in the world can PEG possibly know he needs to be held back when he hasn't even been to preschool yet. I realized she was talking about a year and a half from now so there is no point in talking about this. I hate when PEG gets us to discuss a situation so far in the future it is a waste to even be talking about at the present time.

Hubbs just started ignoring her texts, so then she went as far to say she didn't want the son to go through what she went through as a child (she is 4 years younger than her sister, so how that compares to being the same age as your cousin is beyond me) and keeping the son as far away from his cousin is best because her sister would make it hell for the son. I think she meant to say for her, her sister would make it hell for her, but she knows she can't say that so she disguises her issues as the son's issues. Hubbs told her if it was that big of an issue and she didn't think the son could form his own identity then moving to Texas and coming to live with us sounds like the perfect solution. To which PEG told him to keep on wishing, because that would NEVER happen and Hubbs ruined that in March, so that is entirely his fault.

SO FRUSTRATING!!! We have no control over any of this, and are at the mercy of PEG and her unsupported ideas of the son. Hubbs asked me why PEG kept trying to make the son a freak? She has told Hubbs before the son has ADD, that the son needs to go to therapy after his summer visit with us because of all that he goes through, she says he can't sit still, he isn't ready to be in a classroom, he can't keep up, his eye sight is bad and needs to go to a doctor, he can't, he can't, he can't.

Why does she keep putting her issues on him? When will she realize these are her insecurities, her issues to deal with. The son is his own person and we don't know exactly who that is yet. Why can't she let him be a kid, and realize he is no different than any other boy, he is not bad in a classroom, and she doesn't always know what is best.

The Son

2011-01-05T12:03:00.000-06:00

Well I have to admit while coming home to an empty house sounded appealing, the minute I walked in the door and saw the son's toys knowing the son was back at his moms made me sad. I cried a little and felt guilty for the selfish feelings I had felt earlier that day. I really do enjoy his time with us, I just know I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom, hardest job in the world. Going to work everyday gives me the break I need so that I can come home and be super mom after hours. Having the son 24/7, for eight days got to me and was a little stressful.

I seriously don't know how stay at home mom's do it, it is emotionally and physically draining to take care of a child 24/7, especially those that do not nap anymore. I miss those days! Anyway when the reality set in I won't be seeing the little guy until possibly March, I missed him terribly and watched some of the videos we had taken of him over our Christmas holiday. He really is such a cutie, and is a total chatter box!

My MIL told me today that before she took the son back to his mom's house, they were playing a game on the computer and he pointed to a little boy and said, "Grandma that is me!" Then pointed to a little girl and said, "That is my sister." My MIL asked what if he had a little brother and the son replied, "I am having a sister grandma, the baby is not a brother."

We had our appointment today to do the ultrasound at 13 weeks and test for down syndrome etc. Everything went really well, peanut was SUPER active. It was crazy to see it bouncing around and moving all over the place. It even turned to face us, we could see it's eyes, nose, feet, hands, and belly. It was an amazing sight. It did a big stretch for us and we could see it's spine. The doctor asked if we wanted to know the gender to which we replied YES! She said well it is still early, but as of now it looks like a little GIRL!!! I was elated, I really wanted to have a daughter since we have the son already and I don't know if we are going to have any other children. I could tell Hubbs while excited was a little bummed it wasn't a boy, he is still holding on to the 10% chance it could be a boy. The doctor said her little boy had been a girl in the beginning and there is a small chance. Either way I am so happy little peanut is healthy and we will get the test results back next week. So far everything has been good and all very positive.

I really think the son is going to be excited about his baby sister and I look forward to this summer when we can have them both under the same roof. It might be challenging to take care of a 4 year old and newborn, but it will be good practice and yes ladies there will be daycare! Life is good.

The Holidays

2011-01-04T15:05:00.000-06:00

Our time with the son turned out to be a pretty good time overall. Unfortunately for me I came down with the flu on Monday night (after opening gifts and eating Christmas Dinner) so after 16 hours of getting sick every 30 min, and not being able to keep any fluids down my OB told me to go to the ER to get an IV. Two IV's, some ice chips, and 8 hours later I was released from the ER feeling somewhat better and not getting vomit sick at least. They gave me some nausea meds and those knocked me out so I slept the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday as well.

It messed up our holidays plans with my parents, my mom ended up staying in the ER with me while the guys took the son to the Gaylord Ice exhibit. The Gaylord is a hotel that goes all out for Christmas and have this carved ice exhibit you can buy tickets to, it sounded pretty neat, they give you big parkas to wear and have ice slides and all sorts of things for kids. The son had a good time, and loved the ice slide, the guys (Hubbs and my Dad) could have cared less about the Christmas stuff but they were good to take the son and fight the crowds. I was proud of them for that.

While I very much enjoyed having the son here, I was pretty worn out and exhausted. He is full of energy and being pregnant has taken enough out of me, having the flu made it even worse. I know the son has to adjust to being in our house, and he has to try and push the limits, so that part starts to wear on me by the end of our visits. I was so thankful we got to spend our Christmas at our house instead of being with my in-laws. Having to travel to see the son has become more of a burden lately, I just don't look forward to it like I used to and I am trying to figure out if that is because of pregnancy hormones, or what but I very much enjoyed having him come to us, even if it meant the husband had to fly back and forth to get him.

I have to admit while I know it is jumping ahead just thinking about this summer, being 8 months pregnant and having the son come to spend 6 weeks with us is already making me really nervous. If his mom lived near us and we could get him back to her easily it wouldn't be such an issue but when transporting the son back and forth involves a 2 hour plane ride, and a 1 hr and 15 min drive from the airport to the town he lives in, it isn't the most convenient, and I am nervous about becoming a first time parent. I don't want to have to worry about having to take care of a four year old as well as the baby and myself. I know mothers do it all the time, but they have had a baby before, they know more about what to expect and they raised that toddler from day one, not quite the same for my situation with the son. Hubbs is so distracted when we have the son (naturally) he is attending to his every need and want, and I know I will be losing my mind if he is not helping me with the baby.

Other than my parents we do not have any other family around us that could watch the son, I want my parents to be at the hospital with us and then at our house helping us out (This will be their first grandchild). I know my mom is looking forward to that time and I can't think of someone else other than Hubbs I would rather have around. Hubbs' parents are going to plan on driving down when we call them to let them know peanut is on the way but that's a 12 hour drive. What do we do with the son in the mean time? Again do not misunderstand me, I am really excited the son will be able to get to meet his sibling, and I want them to be able to meet, but I just feel like its all going to be a little overwhelming in the beginning and having the son with us is hard enough.

I don't know how to approach this with Hubbs quite yet, I also know I have 5 months to go before this becomes reality. I know we will figure it out, and things will work out in the end, but not having a plan makes me nervous and since having a baby isn't exactly under my control all the what if's have me paranoid and stressed. I plan to wait to talk to Hubbs about this but I had to share my feelings. When I initially brought up the question of what to do with the son, Hubbs said he could be at the hospital with us. This kid can hardly sit through a movie, let alone in a waiting room, and with who exactly? Where is Hubbs planning to be?? Again I am sure I am making a bigger deal about this than is really necessary, my hormones are crazy right now, and I am more emotional as well. It doens't help that everytime someone finds out about my due date, they say "What are you going to do with the son? There is no way you are going to be able to get through that." Just adds fuel to the fire.

Anyway I just needed to vent . In the mean time, I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Lets hope 2011 is a great year!

Happy Times

2010-12-16T09:37:00.000-06:00

Last night Hubbs and I were eating tacos for dinner and talking about our day. We had taken our first "bump" picture, and had sent it off to our moms. His mom kept asking for weekly bump pictures but there wasn't much to see and to be honest I kept forgetting.

Out of no where Hubbs says to me, "So much different when you have a planned pregnancy, my family is so happy, I am so happy, this is so nice." That comment made me smile, I am sure this time around is completely different for Hubbs, I am his wife, we love each other, I am his chosen partner, we discussed kids before trying, we took steps to get prepared, , and we plan on spending forever together raising our family. Such a different life compared to four years ago when PEG texted him while he was out with agents to let him know she was pregnant. He said he was sick to his stomach and the stress and horrible feelings multiplied over the next 7 months, now going on 4 years for him.

This was such shame attached to PEG being pregnant, his family was angry with him, he was angry with himself, and life changed for everyone once the son came to be. While I wouldn't trade my stepson for anything (he really is a great kid) I wish I could take away his pain and his situation. It isn't fair and no kid should have to grow up that way or be brought into the world under those circumstances. Are there worse cases out there? Of course, but it still makes me sad, and going through this pregnancy and knowing how different it will be for peanut makes me sad for the son. I know he struggles with not seeing his dad often, that is obvious in our unsuccessful phone calls. I know he knows he is loved by both his parents and hopefully someday when he is old enough to understand he will know his parents did the best they could with the situation they were in, and neither one would ever give him up.

Don't get me wrong, the son has a great life, he has twp parents and a bonus parent that loves him, we would do anything for him, but the distance makes it hard and I know Hubbs would give anything to have him near us.

I have positive feelings about our future, about our family, and I look so forward to July. Tonight the son is spending the night with my in-laws so we are going to attempt to web cam, wish us luck! :)

Have a great day!

Weekly Calls with the Son

2010-12-13T09:46:00.000-06:00

We used to call the son every week, PEG would sometimes forget but for her, she did a pretty good job remembering, and we would almost always be able to talk to the son on a weekly basis. It was something we looked forward to, and enjoyed being about to do. The weekly phone call was not in the original custody paperwork, so it was a favor PEG was doing for us (her viewpoint). I know we could have it added but in an effort to avoid giving PEG an opportunity to ask for more child support we have been reluctant to change anything with those papers. There are a few changes we would like to make (fight for) but that is for another post, and when we have money we want to blow away on the court system. Not such a good time right now. Plus technically with Hubbs' income we could have to pay an additional $300 a month which would make traveling to see the son on a monthly basis even more tight.

In my mind, a judge would rule PEG didn't need the additional $300 because Hubbs spends at least $500 a month traveling to see the son, so any person with common sense would see that raising the child support would make hubbs less likely to see the son every month. We only make so much money, and we don't have anyone helping us with our bills, or paying for the son's summer visit so we have to save our money and spend it wisely. In our minds, getting the phone time added to the paperwork is not worth the risk of PEG getting more money from us, and making our situation even more difficult.

I digress, the weekly calls used to function pretty well, and the son seemed to enjoy his calls with us. Then after this summer visit, PEG stopped allowing us to call. She never said that exactly, but she wouldn't answer, wouldn't schedule a make up time, and would come up with excuses as to why the son couldn't talk. I think that pattern started the downward spiral of weekly calling. Now that PEG is answering her phone the son no longer wants to talk to us. At first we thought it was a phase, but it's been happening for 3 months, and every time we call you can hear the son in the background stating he doesn't want to talk to Hubbs, he whines, and cries and refuses to talk on the phone.

Now when we are with the son we ask why he doesn't want to talk to us, he claims it is because he can't see us (Got spoiled with the web cam at his grandparents house). We explained he can picture us in his head while talking to us, that we like getting to hear about his day and we miss him. He acts so loving with us in person, but then on the following Sunday he refuses to talk to us and pitches such a fit, its a wasted call anyway and all we do is listen to him whine for a few minutes while he ignores our questions or what we say.

He actually asked Hubbs last Sunday who he was, to which Hubbs replied, "I am your dad." Then the son said, "Which daddy?" It is hard to tell if he is just messing with us, or if he is really confused, or what is going on with him. I can tell it breaks Hubbs' heart every time we call and get denied by the son. I know he loves us and I know he enjoys spending time with us, maybe it's just not enough time?

I wish I knew what the son was thinking, I hope PEG isn't saying things to the son to make him not want to talk to us. I don't know how to fix the problem. In the meantime we just keep calling hoping he might be in a good enough mood to talk to us.

Any thoughts or advice would be helpful!

Exhausted

2010-12-09T12:53:00.000-06:00

Sorry blog followers, I have been MIA lately. I am so tired when I get home from work, I haven't felt like reading blogs, or checking my own for that matter. I haven't been able to comment from work, which really stinks because that is when I love blogging!

All in all things are good, I am pretty sure PEG and her BF broke up, but the shit storm hasn't hit us yet. They are no longer facebook friends so unless she already has another guy, at some point she is going to get bored and then we will become the target again. She doesn't seem to be bothering us too much more right now and I am happy with that fact. She did congratulate us on "the child" her words not mine, she claimed the son told her but that would be pretty surprising to me. The fact she didn't ask for details leads me to believe Hubbs older half sister told a bunch of people at a holiday party she went to with a lot of my in-laws' enemies (such drama in a small town!) so to speak. I am sure she mentioned it, told them the due date, and they told PEG.

That's the price you pay for telling family, but it wouldn't have been a secret for much longer. At least PEG knows so she can't say we never told her.

I am honestly too tired and sick to care about stepmom drama, its kind of nice to be honest. I haven't had a stepmom care in the world in the last few months. I am enjoying this time while it lasts. Life is good, the son is good, Hubbs is good, and little peanut is still doing good.

I have a lot to be thankful for and I am very happy for that.

I have been catching up on reading my blogs, sorry I cannot comment but I promise I read your posts!

Wanted to tell Tulip CONGRATS on your pregnancy, you sound over the moon!! So happy for you and for your family.

Selfish stepmom - so sorry drama mama found your blog, that completely sucks. I don't blame you for going private I would have! Such a shame she showed the boy, I mean seriously what was that woman thinking!

Eyes Wide Shut - sending you love and my thoughts.....come visit to Texas anytime!

Boops - your black friday shopping trip sounded very eventful, but not in the way you had planned! I give you credit for even going, sad I would rather just skip the deals altogether!

Smirking Cat - so excited it was Gary's birthday!! Cannot wait to see your new blog format when I can log in from my home computer!!

I have read many others but can't post all my thoughts! Happy Holidays to everyone, hope your Christmas shopping is completed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-23T09:20:00.000-06:00

Well we are packed and ready to take off to drive north after work today. We have about a 12 hour drive and are hoping to get on the road around 5-5:30pm. So that puts us getting to Hubbs' parents around 5-6am. YUCK! Its going to be interesting, the last few days have been worse as far as feeling sick and suffering through nausea. Food is bothering me more this week then last, my nose seems to be more sensitive and nothing really ever tastes good. I am still super tired and have been going to bed earlier than most people twice my age I am sure of it!!

We went to our first ultrasound and heard Peanut's heartbeat. It was surreal, the heartbeat was so fast and so clear I was shocked. We saw the little flutter on the monitor and it all kind of hit me, that this was real and we were going to be parents. The doctor thought everything looked really good, all positive things, so hopefully all of that continues and we will end this process with a bundle of joy come July.

I hope Hubbs can be patient with me and doesn't get too annoyed by the frequent bathroom breaks (I went 3 times while at the doctor's office for an hour and a half) and occasional complaints of nausea. I really hope I can help him drive, and can stay up past 8pm. All in all roadtrips are usually pretty fun and we generally have some good stories once its all said and done.

I cannot wait to see the son, feels like forever, I am excited to share our news with him, I cannot wait to see his reaction. Should be interesting to say the least.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

The Holidays

2010-11-18T14:32:00.000-06:00

Have I mentioned how much I love the holidays? I have already started listening to Christmas music, I leave it on all day so the dogs can dream about sweet nothings while we are at work, I love love love the holiday season.

Today is the first day in awhile (2 weeks) I don't feel like I could blow chunks (pleasant I know) everywhere so I might have gotten a little carried away planning for the holidays. We are going to visit Hubbs' family up in the midwest for Thanksgiving. We have about a 12 hour drive ahead of us and are hoping to leave around 5pm or so after work on Tuesday. We get the son at noon on that following Wednesday! Super excited to see him, but I have a feeling we will be wiped out from the drive and lack of sleep.

So in order to prepare for this long drive, arriving at his parents house around 5am, I figured Hubbs and I were going to need some serious treats to eat while on the road. Although it isn't Christmas yet I figured I might make some of my Christmas treat recipes early. I went to the grocery store at lunch, after stopping at Wendy's to get a cheeseburger (I COULDN'T HELP IT! I hadn't had a burger in so long, and little Peanut was begging me for it...ok not really but I felt good so that equaled a treat in my mind!) and picked up all these wonderful ingredients to make my favorite Paula Dean Monster Cookies! YUM, and a little treat I call Candy Crunch, for lack of a better word. If you like crunch, peanut butter and white chocolate oh oh oh you are in for a treat!

Candy Crunch

2 lb White Chocolate
2 cups Crunchy Peanut Butter

Melt above in a double boiler

Stir together the following:
2 cups Rice Crispies
2 cups Captain Crunch
1 cup dry roasted peanuts
2 cups miniature marshmallows

Mix the chocolate/PB mixture with the dry mixture
Drop rounded teaspoon onto wax paper
Place into freezer until it sets up (5 to 10 minutes)

Then they are done, delicious and ready to eat!! Talk about the perfect sugar rush!

I am looking forward to doing some baking on Sunday. I have to finish my Christmas shopping (we are celebrating Christmas with his family over Thanksgiving) and get some laundry done so I can pack.

The year has flown by, it is hard to believe it is almost thanksgiving, then Christmas, the son will be flying down to our house and spending his first Christmas with just us (ok and my parents) at our home. I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate our last Christmas as just a family of 3!

I will let you know how it goes telling the son he is going to be a big brother. Should be an interesting conversation!

On a side note while at the grocery store buying peanut butter I noticed JIF is now making these little individual packets of peanut better!! What a genius idea!! So now I can pack celery, apples, or pretzels, crackers whatever you want to dip in PB and pack a little container. It looks like the perfect size and I don't have to hassle with cleaning out Tupperware. I bought a box which comes with 8 containers, genius for moms with kids as well.

Texts Sent To The Wrong Number

2010-11-17T10:43:00.000-06:00

I didn't tell you what happened while my in-laws were in town visiting us!! The surprise of little Peanut overshadowed the rest of the weekend and I have a funny story to share.

Friday night after we had gotten back home from the restaurant, we were sitting around the nook table talking, eating birthday cake when all the sudden my FIL's phone made a beeping noise. He looked at us and told us he had been receiving weird texts from a number and they were not appropriate. He made a joke about having a girlfriend and how she was trying to get in touch with him. Keep in mind this was around 9:30 at night. He grabbed his phone but didn't have his glasses so he handed it to me to read his message.

The message said, "I want slumber parties as much as you can when you come home.....Does the L Word freak you out?"

I looked at the number and said out loud, "Isn't this PEG's number?" Hubbs didn't think that could be true, and his sister grabbed the phone to look at the message. I pulled up my contact list, found PEG's number and read the number out loud, my SIL confirmed that was the same number that sent the text. It took a minute to sink in, but once we all realized PEG had meant to send the text to her boyfriend we all started laughing. My FIL's name is no where close to her boyfriends, the beginning letters are no where close. How she managed to send that to my FIL is beyond me.

I knew from Hubbs that in the past when he and PEG were talking on the phone and after having spent a weekend together (The weekend the son was conceived) she had started putting pressure on Hubbs to say he loved her, she would ask him questions, ask if he loved her and make comments about being in love. He never told PEG he loved her, he was honest and they hardly knew each other. The hilarious part in all of this is that she is already putting pressure on her boyfriend to say the L word, she wants to hear she is LOVED.

Her boyfriend moved away to another town, so I am guessing they do not get to see each other all that often. She had told Hubbs that she never allows boyfriends to stay the night at her house with the son. She asked Hubbs to do the same thing (back when we were dating) and said she would never put the son in that position. Guessing by her text and the fact we do not have the son till Thanksgiving, PEG is breaking her own rule. SHOCKER!

We saved the text and of course didn't respond. About an hour later another text came through from PEG, "Well goodnight baby, hope to hear from you soon, call me as soon as you can."

I told Hubbs she was probably thinking her bringing up the L word freaked her boyfriend out because he hadn't responded, but little did she know she sent to the text to my FIL. Oh the irony......

Other than that not much on the PEG front, she has stayed out of our hair, and hasn't remembered any other calls with the son. We are getting used to it, but we still call on our designated time just in case she answers her phone. I look forward to when the son is old enough to have his own phone, or is at least more interested in talking to us. In the meantime we are at her mercy, not much else we can do.

Every time I start to think about Peanut I get so excited that Hubbs and I will finally be able to have a child we do not have to share with anyone, we get to be with that child all the time, and we get to enjoy every special moment. I think we are going to tell the son over Thanksgiving, but are still going to wait to tell others until we are further along.

Now that I am counting weeks, the days go by sooo slow!! Or could be the fact I feel sick all day long....ugh.

NAUSEA

2010-11-15T08:57:00.000-06:00

Not only is it Monday, but I feel like total and complete crap. This morning sickness thing is not fun at all. I am so excited to be pregnant and cannot wait to get past the first trimester aches and pains. It is hard enough making it to work on Monday morning, but when I feel like I could get sick all over the inside of my car.....well getting to work on Monday's is even more difficult now.

I went to the grocery store to buy crackers yesterday (if I eat a few first thing I tend to feel better) but by the time I made it to the store, I forgot what I needed and skipped the crackers. Funny how I remembered them this morning when I got out of bed and had to run to the bathroom.

It is weird how the nausea comes and goes, some days are better than others, while some days just make me feel like I have the flu, body aches and all.

I know I am supposed to focus on the little miracle growing inside of me, I should be thankful for our blessing, and I should tough it out like all the other women out there, but it blows my mind that a tiny grain of sand can be causing my body to freak out as much as it is. It really is a surreal feeling right now, and if I hadn't taken a pregnancy test I would still be pretty convinced I had the flu.

In the mean time I am going to get focused on work and try to go find some crackers. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Happy Monday everyone!

MIA

2010-11-13T12:06:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't been able to blog lately. We were busy with family in town and then I immediately left for a business trip on Tuesday to Chicago.

The weekend with the in-laws was a wonderful weekend. I was feeling pretty sick the Wednesday before they were coming and was worried I had the flu. I told Hubbs I wasn't feeling well, I went to bed at 7 that night and tried to take it easy. I had crazy PMS that week and felt like I was biting everyone's head off. After my period never came we decided to take a test about a week late and this is what we saw......

It couldn't have been a better weekend, Hubbs went out to tell the family. He asked them if they wanted to see what I got him for his birthday....and pulled out the stick. They were so excited. We called my parents and told them the good news. I am currently 6 weeks along, so yes it is still very early. We have our first doctors appointment Nov 22nd and I am looking forward to that. Hubbs has nicknamed our future baby peanut. I have had pretty bad morning (all day) sickness and have been so exhausted. I haven't felt good at all, and haven't been able to sleep very well either. Other than family we haven't told anyone else.

I am hoping and praying it all works out well, and I will keep you all posted. We could not be more happy and I honestly am shocked at how fast it all happened. I am counting my blessings and am looking forward to the future.

Hubbs and I went to the gym today to work out, and then later we are going over to my parents tonight to go out to dinner and celebrate.

In the mean time I am taking it easy! Couldn't wait to share it will all of my fellow stepmom friends.

Love- Life of a Stepmama

The Weekend

2010-11-05T09:14:00.000-05:00

Oh thank goodness it is Friday. My in-laws come into town today and I am super excited to see them. We do not have the son, so it is fun to enjoy adult time with them, and actually get to do adult things. It is fun with the son, but its a nice change. This is the one time a year we get to spend with just them and I look forward to it.

We have big plans for the weekend, I ordered a red velvet cake for Hubbs' birthday, I am picking it up today. We are taking him to his favorite Mexican restaurant tonight and are going to celebrate his birthday. Then Saturday will be spent shopping while watching college football. Sunday is the NASCAR race, and then Monday we both have off work and are just going to relax and enjoy our last day with his family.

I was hoping we could get both of our parents together, but my parents made other plans for the weekend. I don't know why but my parents don't make much of an effort to be around Hubbs' family. My parents don't think his family talks enough and I don't think they think Hubbs' mom likes them. It is so weird, I think my parents get jealous, because his family is laid back and fun, and they know I love spending time with them. Its immature of my parents and to be honest slightly embarrassing but I figure I cannot control my parents, so if they want to skip out on this weekend and celebrating Hubbs' birthday with us, then that is their problem, not ours.

I guess my vision of spending holidays together as one big family are not going to happen and that sucks. I hate the feeling that I cannot make everyone happy, but to be honest at least I don't have to worry about making my parents "feel" included. Our families are different, mine is loud, very talkative, likes to be the center of attention and think silence is awkward. Hubbs' family on the other hand are just themselves, they don't act fake, they relax and enjoy each other. They don't have to fill every moment with talking, and its a nice change. They listen more than they talk, I wish my parents would pay attention to that at times, there is nothing wrong with it, and yet they are still very close and pretty much know what is going on with each other.

I love and appreciate both of my families, I am hoping over time they can learn to enjoy each other and my parents can accept they have to share me, and as grandkids come into the picture we will be celebrating with everyone who is willing to join along. Sad they live 45 mins away and they can't make any time for us. Oh well, the weekend will still be fun!

YAY!!!

2010-11-03T16:48:00.000-05:00

I have no idea how this is working out, but suddenly for whatever reason google blogger was not blocked from my work computer today. Praise the lord it is a miracle!

I have had a pretty crappy day and this just made it better.

Things that have gone wrong today:

Woke up to it raining, pouring, driving a long commute in rain, never fun!
Took over an hour to get to work due to rain
Got stuck in the elevator at work, STUCK! It wouldn't open, luckily it only lasted a few minutes, but it was terrifying.
Ran errands at lunch, found screw in tire!! Ugh
My assistant was determined to annoy me as much as possible today
I am a PMS headcase! I literally sobbed at lunch, wanted to murder someone later in the day, and its not even 5 o'clock yet!
I am meeting some friends for dinner in a town an hour south, more traffic and about 90 miles round trip...I am not BITTER at all!

Ok sorry ladies, had to get it off my chest. I am stressed about my in-laws coming to visit on Friday, I am trying to avoid Hubbs so I don't snap at him (don't want to take my bad mood out on him) but that's not easy. The in-laws leave Tuesday morning, and so do I for Chicago. So I need to clean house, get groceries, finish up work, and be prepared for my Chicago Trip since I have Monday off all by Friday. I am feeling the pressure, that is for sure.

PEG forgot our call again with the son, Hubbs got it rescheduled for a third time tonight, so hopefully PEG can remember. I am not holding my breath.

Things that have gone good today:

My boss told me I looked really skinny!! Thanks, I feel like a bloated whale
I didn't snap at Hubbs, although the day is young :)
Meeting up with friends tonight, excited to catch up, just wish we lived closer.

That's all I got!!!

So Much for Quiet...

2010-11-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

Why is it that the moment I claim things are quiet, it blows up in my face?? Hubbs and I had a great weekend, but unfortunately I cannot say the same about Hubbs' family.

I have mentioned in the past that Hubbs and his family come from a small mid-west town. While there are many positives to living in a small town, there are also negatives. Unfortunately there seem to be people who have boring lives and instead of minding their own business feel the need to involve themselves into matters that do not pertain or directly affect them. The level of closeness that can help neighbors take care of each other and be there in times of need can backfire when they feel you have made a mistake and want to make you suffer the consequences.

Hubbs called me this morning to fill me in on why we hadn't heard from his family this weekend. (I am working from home today, and I am so glad I can blog about this!)

Anyway, on Saturday his family (mom, dad, and sister) were at a bar watching college football when in walks PEG's sister, her husband, mother, and their friends. From previous posts I have mentioned that PEG and her family have decided that they cannot be friends with Hubbs' family, nor can they have mutual acquaintances. Before Hubbs got involved with PEG the two families actually hung out quite a bit and my sister-in law was really good friends with PEG's sister.

PEG's sister loves to stir up trouble and seems to be rather rude to my in-laws in public settings. My in-laws are the sweetest, most kind people. It is sad they have to deal with PEG's family when the real person they should be mad at should be PEG and Hubbs. Its not my in-laws fault he ever got involved with her.

Hubbs' family decided it was time to leave so out walks my FIL, and my MIL and SIL went to say goodbye to some of their friends who were sitting with PEG's family. I don't know all the details, but my MIL patted PEG's mom on the back and told her to have a goodnight, and said bye. My MIL is one of those people that cannot stand to have anyone not like her. She cares way to much about what people think, and even if she isn't in the wrong she is apologizing just so she can make amends. This drama with PEG's family, the out-lash that has occurred, the friends they have lost has been REALLY hard on her. She keeps trying to extend a hand to PEG's family and they use that opportunity to humiliate and degrade my MIL. It is so frustrating she will not just avoid them all together, or realize they are never going to change, but for the life of her, she just cannot. She loves the son more than anything and I know it kills her that for his sake both families cannot get along.

Back to the story...

As she does this, PEG's sister, we will call Mean Girl, calls my MIL a "CUNT" as loud as she can.

WHAT? My MIL was shocked and as she turned to walk away, mean girl says, "Thats right your daughter is a whore, your son (Hubbs) never wanted the son, and he is an amazing boy. I hate your family, no one likes you, f*ck all of you, Hubbs is a horrible father, and you do not deserve to be in the son's life."

"Don't you dare come to neighbor guy's party tonight, no one wants you there."

Then she went on to call my SIL (her old BFF) a whore a few more times, and not a single person at their table, not PEG's mother, not mean girl's husband, not one person told mean girl to be quiet or to shut up. A few of them walked out to console my in-laws, told them that wasn't true and not to listen to mean girl. Evidently when mean girl called my MIL the C word she looked at PEG's mother, and said are you going to sit and listen to this. PEG's mother's comment was, "She is my daughter and I love her."

I mean seriously why are all these people scared of mean girl and her family? Are they so scared because they have seen what they have done to Hubbs' family they do not want to be outcasts like that? Are they too scared to do the right thing? I was completely appalled while listening to this story. Even writing it out now, makes me sick my MIL and SIL had to hear this, had to be part of this, and not one single person stood up for them in front of PEG's family.

There is no excuse for this behavior, it is completely childish. I have no idea the amount of hate someone has to feel to do something like that in public, about something that happened over 4 years ago. How many times is PEG's family going to bring up Hubbs not wanting the son. It was an un-planned pregnancy, of course Hubbs considered all options. He brought up abortion and adoption because PEG said she didn't know if she wanted the baby, she had already had an abortion 2 years before that. That's the ironic thing to me, why are they bringing up Hubbs not wanting the son back before the son was anything more than a fetus and he wasn't even for sure if it was his, when PEG had an ABORTION! Seriously, isn't that REALLY not wanting your child. Hubbs was at the birth, has taken care of the son since day one and is in his life as much as he is legally allowed to be, its not an ideal situation for anyone, but at least the son has two loving parents. Why can't they focus on that and MOVE ON, just as much as they do not want Hubbs to be the father, I can promise you 150% we do not want PEG to be the mother.

I feel for Hubbs, he feels terrible his family has to go through this because of mistakes he made. He really wants them to move out of that town and move closer to us. I think that will happen eventually but not any sooner than a couple of years. Can you imagine if any member of Hubbs' family said those things to PEG's family?

I guess later that night my in-laws went to their neighbors halloween party and PEG's sister was kicked out for her behavior and threats to my family. The neighbor told her that her behavior was unacceptable and not appropriate he made her leave and apologized to my in-laws. At least there is one decent person out there.

The saga continues.....

World Series

2010-10-30T09:49:00.000-05:00

Well our friends and neighbors surprised us with world series tickets. We are going tonight, and I could not be more excited!! I am going to get my hair done at 12:30 and then we are headed to tailgate!! I cannot wait. Our friends just got married and went to Italy for 2 weeks for their honeymoon, I cannot wait to hear how their trip was.

Not much has been going on in our world, PEG has been quiet (I believe she has a boyfriend so she has a distraction), Halloween is tomorrow, work is going good, and Hubbs is back from being out of town.

My pancreas has been acting up again and I haven't been feeling well. Between work, not feeling good, and not eating much I have been exhausted after work and went to bed at 7:30pm the other night. Hubbs thought I might be pregnant but I honestly think its just stomach issues. It's amazing how all of the sudden certain foods, and alcohol really bother me. The doctors cannot explain why all the sudden this affects me, they just tell me to rest and avoid stress. Yeah ok!

I told Hubbs maybe this was a blessing in disguise that if we were to get pregnant maybe this diet I have to be on would significantly help me from gaining 60+ pounds because otherwise I have a feeling I wouldn't eat all that healthy and the wheels would come off! No but seriously the doctors said I can get pregnant but might have slight complications by it. We won't really know until we get there, and it is not like this is going to go away so if we want to have a baby we will have to deal with whatever comes with it.

Anyway sorry for the boring post, but I missed the bloggy world. I have been reading posts every day at work and it has killed me not to be able to comment!!! Hopefully this week I will have more time to comment!! Hubbs' family comes into town on Friday and are staying through Tuesday. We are going to celebrate Hubbs' birthday! Looking forward to it!!

Happy Halloween!!!!!!

Haircut

2010-10-23T09:00:00.002-05:00

Evidentially little man, aka the son fell asleep at his mom's (PEG) house with gum in his mouth.

At some point the gum made it's way out of his mouth, precious little mouth breather that he is, and made it's way into the son's fine baby blonde hair.

I am not for sure when this happened, but I know it happened in the last week. The gum must have made itself at home because he appeared today with a new (not so even) haircut.

Poor little guy, thankfully the hair will grow back, and we have another story to tell his future dates. :)

Oh how I wish I was with my 2 boys, but I will settle for the webcam instead.

Love that little guy.

Single Gal Take Two

2010-10-22T18:27:00.000-05:00

Hubbs went to his NASCAR trip last weekend with his buddies.  I could tell he
was pretty excited and every year he tries to go to a new track and he
meets up with 15 or so of his friends.  He ended up having a good trip and was

home for 4 days before he left again.  He left for a business trip on Thursday

(he got to fly into the same airport he flies into to see the son) and met with

clients today then he drove to his home town tonight and got to his parents house

around 5pm. I was so sad to see him go again, he hasn't been home much, but I

am taking this opportunity to relax and enjoy a weekend with no real plans.  I

need to clean the house, do some laundry, I booked a facial for tomorrow afternoon.

I am so excited!!!


I played the part of a good wife, helped Hubbs get packed last night, then
got up an hour early and drove him to the airport.  We do not spend a lot
of time alone so when he leaves I miss him like crazy.  Hopefully the
feeling is mutual!  One thing I know for sure is that our two fur babies
sure do miss him, and since he usually feeds them, and refills their water
dish I have a few more duties than usual in his absence.  He gets back into
town on Monday (I will pick him up at the airport) and then we have Halloween

weekend together. The following weekend is his birthday and his parents,
sister, and sister's boyfriend are coming to visit and we are going to go
to another NASCAR race.

I am not a fan but go for the tailgating before hand, and as a gift to
Hubbs for his birthday.  One NASCAR race a year is plenty for me, although
the people watching is hilarious!

On to other news...

I just recently found out about two friends being pregnant, guess something
is in the water.  I have not told any friends that we are currently
"trying" or really just not preventing, but I hope if we do end up getting
pregnant they will not think I am trying to rain on their parade.  Other
than my parents and my fellow Blog readers, no one else knows and I feel
better keeping it that way.  There are way to many what if's and I don't
want to feel pressure if it doesn't happen right away.  I would rather it
be a surprise and to be honest I think most people handle it that way.  I
am super excited for my friends, and look forward to hearing about their
journey as they progress.  Currently they are both just really tired and
kind of feel out of it.

I am sure other women out there feel this way but I cannot fathom actually
taking a pregnancy test and getting a positive.  I have lived so much of my
life not wanting to be pregnant I imagine that experience to be pretty
surreal.

I am met up with my fellow stepmom friends last week for a happy
hour/dinner.  Love getting together with them, it's nice to know I am not
alone and they are the only people who really understand what its like to
be a stepmom.  I only wish we could get together more often!  Last night I

had a girls night, and we did a pumpkin carving contest.  It was so much

fun!! I ended up winning 1st place and enjoyed the company of good girl friends.

I plan on going to bed early tonight, waking up tomorrow, working out, and

enjoying my single gal weekend!!! How lovely!!

Always an Angle

2010-10-21T22:00:00.000-05:00

Well fellow stepmom friends, turns out I wasn't being pessimistic, or
cynical.  I called PEG for what she was, full of ____.  (Well you can
figure out the rest.)

It all started with a text from PEG to Hubbs, asking if he wanted to pick
the son up earlier on Friday, stating she had the day off from work and was
simply wanting to help Hubbs maximize his time with the son.  It is Hubbs'
monthly visit with the son, and per the custody arrangement, Friday at
6pm-Sunday at 6pm isn't a lot of time when you take off work, fly 2 hours
there, have his parents drive 1 1/2 hours to pick him up, then two days
with the son go by in a blur, then its time to take him home and then fly
back at the crack of dawn on Monday morning.

It costs a lot of money, and Hubbs spends his allotted PTO just on seeing
the son.  Seeing the son and getting to spend quality time with him is of
the utmost importance to Hubbs, otherwise he wouldn't go through the hassle
to see him on a monthly basis.  Any extra time we can get with him whether
it be an hour or two is totally worth it.  Regardless of PEG's
motives/reasons we always take her up on her offers.  They usually come at
a price, but again we know that ahead of time, and take what scraps she
leaves us with when it comes to seeing the son.

Hubbs told PEG his father would be picking the son up at her house at 4pm.
She responded ok.  Hubbs and I discussed this "new found" change of heart
with PEG and how she hasn't answered any of our "weekly" phone calls,
stating she forgets about Hubbs, but somehow magically remembers him and
gives up her extra time with the son to Hubbs.  We joked that she probably
had other plans but wouldn't admit it.  Again how she wants to spend her
time is no business of ours, nor do I care.  What I do care about is when
PEG offers to give up her time, but then later uses it against us when
either we ask for something, or she wants to tell Hubbs he is a bad father.
I figured for my records I would check PEG's facebook just to see if she
had posted anything, and there is was!!! Exactly what I had expected a BIG
FAT POST that said the following:

"Thursday is my FRIDAY :),,ready for the wknd! No work, no The
Son....Martini Bar and Hockey :)..check!"

I could not stop laughing, I copied it and sent it to Hubbs with the
subject line stating "There is always an angle."  I do not expect PEG to
tell us details of her life (nor do I want her to), but I hate that she has
to lie.  She has yet to EVER do anything nice for Hubbs when it comes to
the son.  She has never given us anything out of the pure goodness of her
heart.  She has asked us for favors and even when it didn't work in our
favor we gave it to her.  We have never lied to her, yet she continues to
lie to us, and for what reason?  We have kept things from her and have not
been open about our lives, but the only reason we are that way is because
of how she acts.  Hubbs and I would not have thought any less of her had
she asked, "Since this is your weekend with the son, if you want to get him
early that is fine with me, let me know what time."  That way, she isn't
lying and we do not care what the reason is, instead she has to pretend she
is doing this for us, when the only reason she is doing this to begin with
is because she wants to get her weekend started early.

She texted Hubbs a couple nights ago (Tuesday night) letting him know the
son was running a slight fever.  We never heard anything after that, and
Hubbs feared the son was going to be sick the entire weekend.  Hubbs got a
call from his mom this morning, and she told Hubbs that PEG had contacted
her this morning letting her know the son had a fever and that PEG couldn't
take him to day-care but needed someone to watch him.  She asked if my FIL
could watch him, he said yes, so the son is spending the day with my
in-laws.  My FIL said the son wasn't running a fever when he got there and
seemed to be feeling ok.

PEG was supposed to pick the son up at six o'clock but didn't show up until after

eight pm.  The son's fever came back tonight and you could tell he wasn't

feeling well.  Why did PEG work late knowing her son was sick, my guess is she knows

it will not be her problem so she isn't worried about it.  She called Hubbs after

picking up the son, and told Hubbs if he still had a fever on Saturday that Hubbs

needed to take him to the doctor.  He asked her if she was going to take him

tomorrow on her day off, but unfortunately PEG said she wouldn't be doing that,

that it hadn't been three days yet and decided Hubbs needed to do it.  She then

texted him the son's recent medical history etc.  I told Hubbs he had a fever Tuesday

night, that he should tell her its been over three days and she needs to take

him but seems he would rather take him to the doctor then have to deal with her crap.

It gets old, I wish he would call her out but he won't and I have to accept that.

He seems to think PEG will end up taking the son tomorrow, but who knows.

SHE IS SO FULL OF CRAP!  She goes so far out of her way to make up these
stories, to plan it all out, instead of just telling the truth and asking.
The lengths this woman goes to never surprises me.  

PEG loves to accuse Hubbs of not spending quality time with the son, or
dropping him off early (even though she asked), or accusing him of going
out with friends when he should be at home with the son.  None of it has been 
true, but to PEG it was her reality and this is where I think people like
her blur their line of thinking.  I think she knows that is what she does,
so she accuses Hubbs of doing it.  The circle never ends and PEG will
continue to not acknowledge her issues, or realize she is the problem.  You
just have to laugh it off, and keep the evidence for a rainy day.

Thank goodness for facebook! :)

Text

2010-10-19T21:14:00.000-05:00

Hubbs got a text from PEG tonight that said the following:

PEG:"Do you want the son early on Friday"
Hubbs: "What time and where should he be picked up?"
PEG: "Doesn't matter I have friday off nothing planned just thought I would help maximize your time with the son that's all"

So glad PEG suddenly cares about maximizing our time with the son. How sweet of her. Love that she says there is no reason, I always think her responses are not normal responses.

If we offered the same deal to her, and she asked where and what time to get him I would think a normal response would be, "Anytime between 10am-6pm works for us, we will be at home, please let us know when so the son is ready."

The fact she gives details such as being off, nothing planned and tries to insinuate she is doing this out of the goodness of her heart makes me call BULLSHIT! I mean seriously she can't remember to call us or text us to change a weekly phone call, but then she graciously offers the son up early.

I could be wrong, I could just be cynical but something tells me PEG wants to make plans, and Hubbs getting the son early will allow her to have her way. We have been told on past visits when she had that day off, she hardly gets to see the son so she wants to spend as much time with him as possible. Now shocker I know, she has a different story.

I wonder if she realizes how many contradicting lies she tells? I wonder if she has any clue we don't believe her and know she is full of it. Her motives are obvious, she has never been good at keeping her stories straight and the one thing I have learned is that eventually the truth comes out. We just have to wait for it, and soon enough PEG will rat herself out. Hubbs and I have made a game out of it, we should call it, "Spot PEG's BS."

I am glad Hubbs will get the son early, I am sure it will be held against us at some point, but either way it works in our favor. Sad I will not get to go with Hubbs this weekend, but hopefully I can webcam with Hubbs and the son this weekend.

Normal Hubbs gets into town around 4, PEG knows this, but what she doesn't realize is that Hubbs is going to be getting there early Friday afternoon, so I am sure when Hubb sets a time and its before 4pm, PEG will have some reason why that doesn't work and will end up telling Hubbs when he can pick the son up. Mark my words ladies!

No Call Again

2010-10-18T20:07:00.000-05:00

So another Sunday night call missed. Another week PEG ignored our call, the call she set up the time and date for. Another week we do not get to talk to the son.

Hubbs emailed her tonight asking why again she never responded to his voice message. Again we got the life is bust excuse.

Guess she was too busy to respond all last night and all day today. It tools Hubbs having to email her to ask why to get her to respond. Another email I will save, another piece of evidence that PEG doesn't care about the son having a relationship with his father, more proof she treats Hubbs as a glorified free babysitter. She pointed out to Hubbs again this is not court mandated, so since it is not something she has to do, she isn't doing it. She tried to claim both her and the son were in bed asleep before 7pm last night. I have never know PEG or the son to EVER go to sleep that early.

So tired of her crap....it will never change and never go away unless we get custody.

I wanted to blog about it so I can help keep track of the numerous times she does not allow us to talk to the son. Her games of control and power are old, and no matter how hard she tries to get us to fight her or engage her we will not. We will keep trying to call the son, and wait for her to answer.

That is all we can do.....that and keep every lie she has ever told us.

Missed Call

2010-10-11T19:47:00.000-05:00

So on Wednesday we confirmed with PEG that our weekly call was to be Sunday
at 7pm, all planned by PEG who stated that date and time could stay
"consistent".

We waited around last night until finally it was 6:59pm, we dialed PEG's
number and let it ring, ring, and ring.  Finally to hear an automated voice
message system.  Hubbs left his brief message asking the son to please call
him back.  Nothing, no answer, no response.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Over an hour later he gets a text message from PEG that says the following:

"Sorry the sons all ready in bed you mom has them tomorrow sorry this was
not a normal Sunday sorry."

I am so sick of hearing that woman say sorry as if it makes up for her
inability to stick to a schedule or follow any commitment she makes!  I
would believe her if at 6:30 we would have gotten a text saying, the son
has fallen asleep, lets reschedule the call."  Instead of hearing back an
hour and 7 minutes later (which is more than enough time to give the son a
bath, read a book, and put the son to bed) that the son is asleep and we
can just talk to him the following day when Hubbs' parents are watching the
son AGAIN.

I know there is nothing we can do, and PEG loves to push our buttons, we
didn't respond to her text, Hubbs accepted the fact we wouldn't be talking
to the son on PEG's watch and we moved on with our evening.

I am saving the text messages and keeping track of her lack of concern for
following through with her end of the bargain.  Can you imagine if the
tables were turned and we were doing this to PEG?  Do you think she would
be giving us the silent treatment, accepting she had no control, and
missing out on phone time with the son?  I know we would not be receiving
the same treatment, and I can only imagine the shit storm PEG would cause
if we treated her like this.

In the end it doesn't matter, the court system has given PEG this control,
and power.  The courts allow this to happen and the rest of us including
the son have to suffer.

I am excited to webcam with the son tonight, it is far better than just
talking on the phone, so it all worked out in the end.  I just wish PEG
wouldn't commit to things she has no intention of doing.  Glad we plan our
schedule around the son, where she feels the son needs to plan around her
schedule.  IT NEVER ENDS!

**She sent a text to Hubb's mother saying, "If you could make sure Hubbs gets

to talk to the son that would be good he crashed early last night and didn't

get to."

My MIL's response to Hubbs when she sent the text was, "How often has the son

crashed early? Never?"

Glad others see through the BS. :)

Such BS

2010-10-07T19:36:00.002-05:00

PEG is full of it!!! FULL OF IT!!

She randomly texted Hubbs yesterday to let him know the son is going to be a teenage mutant ninja turtle for Halloween. Just a random text out of the blue, we got one from her on Monday to inform us that Hubbs' parents were watching the son. No kidding!! I'm confused, what does she think that Hubbs' parents wouldn't tell us that they are watching the son? Does she not know they talk everyday? Maybe she doesn't realize how much we look forward to talking the son whenever we can.

Like I have mentioned on previous posts, PEG is supposed to text us every Wednesday to let us know when we can call to talk to the son. This was all PEG's plan when she kept forgetting our weekly call times, and kept saying her life is too busy, and it changes to much week to week so she would somehow magically remember to text Hubbs every Wednesday to let us know when to call the following week. As most of you could probably guess, she couldn't remember to text us either. SHOCKER

I asked Hubbs if he was going to call her out and ask for a set date to call him, he said he would think about it and I left it at that. While at work I received a text from Hubbs that was a text conversation between him and PEG. Is said the following:

PEG: The son is a ninja turtle for Halloween
Hubbs: Why have you not been providing nights we can call him like you stated we would?
PEG: Life gets busy I forgot....
Sorry if you wanna do Sundays at 7p that can stay consistent....To be honest I don't think about it
unless the son brings you up sorry

I laughed out loud when I got that text. She forgets about Hubbs???? Yeah right, she was the one who texted Hubbs to start with! She doesn't forget, she is playing games. Hilarious she would remember to text Hubbs to tell him what the son is going to be for Halloween but cannot remember to have the son call him? I guess she forgets how the son was brought into this world, as if she is solely responsible for the son's existence.

I don't like PEG and wish she wasn't in our life, but I realize that's the path I choose, and I also know she is a very important part of the son's life. I never forgot her weekly call with him, I worried he missed her, and respected his need to stay in contact with her. But she doesn't feel or do any of this for us, she truly does not believe Hubbs is important and it is so wrong. I am saving all of this incase I ever have to prove she doesn't encourage a relationship between Hubbs and the son, and at times works against it.

From what I have been reading the court system is taking PAS pretty seriously, and its hard enough the son lives 12 hours away from us, but with Hubbs flying up there to visit him 11 months out of the year, I would say we have proven repeated times how much we want to be with the son, and how much we love and care for him. We have held up our end of the bargain and have gone above what the custody paperwork states is required, and we have made decisions, tough decisions to do what is best for the son.

So later in the day I checked her Facebook wall posts, she must not be working because she seems to be on the internet all day but this is what she had posted:

"I think I know what I just have to do I can't waste another minute after all I've pit in it, I've given you my best why does she get all the best of you..so next time you wanna leave her bed for mine why don't you stay..I'm up off my knees."

"You gave me everything I ever wanted except for you. I convinced myself that over don't mean over, I convinced myself that I could fix it all. Two dreams collided maybe we got too excited for our own good..:)"

Guess PEG is into quoting song lyrics now. I am cutting off access to her page, I don't enjoy reading that crap and somehow I know or think its about her crazy obsession with Hubbs. All I know is they were never a couple, and she will never know the side of Hubbs I know and love. I love my life and the people in it, I am tired of wasting my time on PEG.

It never ceases to amaze me what people put on their Facebook. What ever happened to private thoughts, and privacy? I am very thankful for security settings.

Well that is all for now, I really hate not being able to blog at work. I feel so detached from everyone. Thank goodness I can check my google reader!!

Must Be Nice

2010-10-06T18:02:00.002-05:00

PEG has been having Hubbs' parents watch the son pretty much every week,
week and a half.  She only uses Hubbs' parents if her family has all said
no, PEG's family consists of her sister (who has two kids, a boy a little
bit older than the son), her mother, and then her father.  Her parents have
been divorced since she was little, and they do not get along.  PEG's
father watches the son every Sunday.  I don't know what PEG does that
involves the need for so much baby-sitting, because her work hours are
normal, and she gets weekends off, but she must be busy with other things,
maybe school, because the son seems to be spending a lot of time outside of
day-care without her.  Remember PEG and the son live in a very small town
shared by with my in-laws so they hear everything, and know when the son is
with friends of theirs who are also friends of PEG and her family.

She has also asked my mother in law to be friends on facebook at least 10
times, but this time my MIL hasn't declined her friend request but instead
kept it so that she can read her page and see what PEG posts.  I have to
tell you, her posts are hilarious.  She often misspells words and seems to
focus a lot on quotes.  She doesn't post much about herself, or what she is
doing, but the majority of her wall consists of quotes from other people,
or from her that I assume she uses to describe how she feels, etc.

Some examples taken off her page:

"Progress only occurs when you can learn from the past and not let the past
define your path of new direction."

A couple of her friends posted about how amazing that quote was and said
other quotes to her and this was her response,

"I like that one :) I was doing a ewview with an employee of mine and spit
it out and he tole me to copyright it but I really like the one you posted
coinsides well to a more concrete description of the ideals to make
progress action not theory."

Other quotes from her wall:

"forgiveness is release of all hope for a Bette past"

"Im ready to start a new chapter I think this one will be my favorite"

"If you show him that you need him He will show you that he doesn't need
you at all....."

"whenever I get sad because I miss you I remind myself how lucky I am to
have someone so special to miss"

"tomorrow is a new day which brings opportunity to choose another direction
on lifes path....Leave your faith in god to shine light on the path you may
choose"

"fate only takes you so far....the rest is in your hands to make it an
opportunity :)"

"trust your instincts....Theyre usually right"

"not ready to say goodbye"

"life is odd"

"its better to be hated for what I am than to be loved for what I am not.
Marilyn Monroe"

"every scare has its place"             (I assume she meant scar)

"<3 <3 love my life!! <3  <3  <3"               (Love all the hearts <3)

You get the jist.....

She seems to be all over the place, one day she says she doesn't want
Saturday to come, then the next morning she posts she cannot wait to get
home, which is Saturday.  Even on her facebook page she is all over the
place, and contradicts herself.  PEG thinks she is super smart, I know she
is intelligent, I know she is smarter than any person I have met when it
comes to lies, manipulation, and deceit, but she thinks she is genius level
smart and often likes to pretend she is an attorney.  Before she got
pregnant (for the second time with the son) she was supposedly going to be
an attorney, so some emails we get from her quote the law, and try to act
like she knows all about the law.

I digress, she has been having my in-laws watch the son more, and I found
out the other day, that my FIL picks the son up from day-care (at a time
given by PEG of when he is allowed to pick him up) and then the son stays
the night with them (she doesn't pack anything for him) and my FIL takes
the son to day-care the next morning.  Must be nice to not even have to
drop off or pick up your kid, and get free baby-sitting.  I know my in-laws
love getting the extra time with him, and the son loves being with them,
but it does get frustrating that PEG has it so easy!  She gets our child
support which pays for her life and the son, she gets the son all the time,
she uses the son as a game-piece to be won, she acts and treats us like we
are the unneeded parents, she doesn't share or give anything in return, she
doesn't have to fly or spend her own money on her own kid, she has free
baby-sitting, she gets people to believe she is the victim and Hubbs is a bad dad.  I guess I get jealous over PEG's time with the son,
jealous that she gets the better end of the deal when she doesn't deserve
it.

She doesn't deserve it and she doesn't appreciate it, she acts like it is
her right because she is the son's mother, and I am tired of her entitled
attitude.

Sorry to vent, but I had to get it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Football Season

2010-10-02T21:57:00.000-05:00

Oh how I love this time of year!!! Nothing better then hanging up our flag that has both of our college team logos on it on the front of the house, and supporting our football teams. Hubbs cheers for his home state team, and I cheer for the college I went to, The University of Oklahoma. We had a big game this weekend, and I was soooooooo EXCITED we beat TEXAS!!! Woohoo

Love spending the weekend watching football all day and reading blogs, it just doesn't get better than this.

We found out Hubbs' parents are watching the son overnight on Monday so we will get to webcam the little man. Super excited since PEG hasn't been letting us talk to him. Thankfully she has needed a babysitter about every week and a half so we get to benefit from that. I am hoping he will be in a good mood and will want to talk to us. Hubbs goes to visit in a couple weeks and I can tell he is getting excited to see the son.

In the meantime we play and watch videos from the summer or different visits we have had with the son, it always makes us laugh. What did we ever do before we had video phones and flips? I got Hubbs a flip for his wedding present and that little thing has come in so handy. I highly recommend it, its so small, easy to carry around and takes pretty good video. We were watching the son dance to Michael Jackson earlier, that became a summer ritual and he would just giggle and laugh the whole time.

Can't wait to see the little guy, we are missing him like crazy.

Not much else to report, my MRI came back clear and everything seems to be good with my digestive system so they are still not for sure what caused the acute Pancreatitis but the good news is I go back to the doctor on Tuesday and am finally starting to get my appetite back. I am sticking to a low fat diet, and it hasn't been all bad, losing 7 lbs was a plus.

I am hoping and praying that in a couple months I will be back to normal and will just have to keep a watch on what I eat, drink, and how stressed I get. Its been a month and I am feeling much better today then I was 3 weeks ago, so the good news is I am headed in the right direction.

You know how I was complaining about how expensive the holiday flights were going to be? With the anticipation of Christmas costs and what not I was dreading the next few months, and we were trying to watch our budget. As usual, and as my luck would have it on my way home from work the other day a rock flew out of no where and cracked my windshield. I had the glass people come out and try to repair it Friday morning, but even after they fixed the glass, they could not get the rock that was left in the windshield out and the impact from the rock caused the crack to look like a small spiderweb. He got a few of the line cracks out but you can still see 3 of them pretty bad. It doesn't look pretty, and since its a newer car, they do not have the windshield at any glass repair places so we have to order it from the dealership. The cost is $1085!!!!!!! I have no idea why this piece of glass is so expensive, but it is and it sucks. I am trying to convince Hubbs to wait and drive it for a few months before we replace it, mainly because I am terrified it is going to happen again, but we will see.

It is always something isn't it?? Amazing how that happens. Oh well it could be worse, not complaining but its so frustrating when you are trying to save and budget and then life just keeps happening!!

The Son

2010-09-29T18:52:00.000-05:00

Well ever since PEG changed our scheduled weekly phone calls to her texting Hubbs every Wednesday to let us know when we can call the son, our calls have been few and far between. PEG forgets to tell us when to call, shocker I know. The son seems to be going through a phase of not wanting to talk on the phone anyway so I don't think Hubbs is pushing the issue.

It is so annoying that we are at PEG's mercy in order to talk to the son. She hasn't followed her plan once. She told us she would text us every Wednesday, letting us know what days and times work for her the following week. We have yet to get a text from her on a Wednesday, at least in the beginning she was sending a text (usually a week late) but now she cannot seem to remember to text us. It is completely stupid, the woman is not that busy, the fact she thinks she is that important is pretty hilarious. Even more ironic our originally scheduled Tuesday night phone calls at 7:00pm have been available according to PEG the two weeks she did text. Why does she make it so hard? Why can't she plan her schedule, like we do, we make the call fit our schedule. I hardly think a weekly call that lasts no longer than 5 minutes is a lot for someone to squeeze in their schedule.

I know taking care of a 3 1/2 year old isn't easy, but in the six weeks we had the son, we had no issues making the call fit our schedule, we stuck to our plan, and for those who read my blog know PEG couldn't remember to call us then! She made up all sorts of excuses, then blamed us for forgetting to call, it just doesn't end.

The sad part is the son misses out on calls from his Dad. I worry she might tell him, Daddy doesn't want to talk to him, or Daddy doesn't call, but I cannot control it either way and ultimately I trust Hubbs is handling it as best he can.

We often fantasize what life would be like if we had full custody, and PEG would have to travel to come see the son, pay for airline tickets, airport parking, boarding of her dog, she would have to pay us child support and she would only get to see the son 2 days a month plus holidays and her extended summer visit. PEG seems like a decent mother for her age, she doesn't always make the best decisions, but honestly who does, she seems to have her priorities in pretty good order and the son is healthy and seems pretty happy. I know we could provide him a much better home and life, but that is not for me to decide and being away from his mom, the one person he has been around most in his life wouldn't be an ideal situation either.

We were getting our Thanksgiving flights booked and to fly and board our dogs the cost was going to be around $1200! So we decided we were going to drive, we can take the dogs with us, and save hopefully around $700. We are flying the son here for Christmas (well after Christmas, PEG gets him on actual Christmas), so Hubbs has to fly up there, get the son, then fly back. We want him to spend a Christmas at our house, with my family so we knew we needed to prepare for that additional cost. For the past two years we have spent Thanksgiving and our Christmas Holiday up with Hubbs family. I think my parents were feeling pretty neglected, overall they understood it was about the son, but its not easy not having your kid around for the Holidays, and only spending Christmas Eve with them was not cutting it.

We have a wedding to go to over that Christmas Holiday up in Tulsa so this year worked out perfectly to have Christmas here at our home, then the 3 of us are going to take a road trip to Tulsa as a family, and then Hubbs will fly back the next day to take the son back. We get the son the day after Christmas Day at noon, and have him until Jan 2nd at 6pm.

We started looking at flights and the total for just the airline tickets is going to be $1350. OUCH! I told Hubbs we were going to go small on Christmas gifts this year (for family members), skip getting each other something, and just focus on getting the son presents, and making his first Christmas here with us extra special. It really works out having Christmas here because then we don't have to figure out a way to get his toys down to our house before the summer visit. We are going to get him a bike for Christmas and can thankfully leave it in our garage for him to ride this summer.

I know Hubbs' family is taking it pretty hard and do not want to miss out on seeing their son and grandson. I told them going forward we could rotate holidays or they can come down at Christmas but you know how it goes, they don't want to share, and my parents get the short end because they only live an hour away. Our time with the son is so limited and as of now every monthly visit is up at my in-laws house, so they get to see their son every month for a weekend, and their grandson whenever PEG asks them to babysit and monthly visits. We get the son the entire Thanksgiving break and that will be with them as well, they will get Hubbs and the son for two nights after Christmas and New Years when Hubbs is picking him up and dropping him off. There are not enough flights that would allow Hubbs to fly there and back in the same day so he will be staying overnight. Then we get the son over spring break which is at the in-laws house as well. During the summer visit they usually make a trip down, but didn't last year because everyone had just been to our house for our Wedding in April. I wanted some quality time with the son, and time as a family so we didn't invite them down.

I am sure next summer they will make a trip down. In addition to the monthly visits my in-laws come down for Hubbs' birthday in November, and we meet them in Kansas at the cabin in May.

I feel like we see them a bunch and they get to spend almost as much time with the son as we do.

Maybe I am not being fair, but other than seeing my parents for dinner once in a while, or having them come over to spend a night, we do not spend long amounts of time with my parents. Before Hubbs I would take off work around the holidays, crash at their house and spend time with them. I know they miss that, and as we have our own kids, it is going to get even harder.

Sorry for the ramble, just venting I guess. I am looking forward to the holiday season, I love Halloween, and I love Christmas! It is going to fly by and pretty soon it will be 2011!!

Blocked

2010-09-27T18:18:00.000-05:00

I knew the day would come but I was hoping somehow I could avoid it.....bottom line my workplace has blocked access to blogger!!!!! I was so upset today when I went to log in, to read my fellow stepmom blogs and was denied. It is such a shame that my company feels the need to block us from doing anything they deem "non-work related". I feel I am a very efficient, good employee but I guess non of that matters, my company doesn't let me prove that, or let me handle the Internet as an adult.

The sad part was I decided to stay at my desk for lunch, and was wanting to do some blogging during my lunch hour. Maybe my company feels its better to go out to lunch and take 1 1/2 to 2 hour lunches instead of eating at my desk, browsing the web and doing personal things I want to do on my time.

It is just a shame, I realize there are people out there who cannot balance both and have to have those rights taken away but I feel like it should be on an individual basis, and you should be presumed innocent until proven guilty type of deal.

Did I sometimes do personal things during working hours? Of course I did, but bottom line I got my work taken care of, and used blogging as a break from work, and in all honesty felt it made me more productive, because I was able to vent, write, and then move on.

Looks like from now on my blogging will have to be after business hours. Oh the joy!

I will miss you all from the hours of 8-5!!

So Far St. Louis...

2010-09-23T14:28:00.000-05:00

What a beautiful day in St. Louis!! The sun is out, its in the high 80's and it feels great. The trip started out a little rough but has quickly gotten better.

We are staying at the Lumiere, according to its website, it was a new hotel/casino built over by the river and the pictures looked awesome. We couldn't wait to get there. After landing and finding our way to the hotel we quickly realized the website had been a little miss-leading. For starters the hotel pictured on the website was not Lumiere but the Four Seasons. All the pictures of the four seasons looked amazing and in real life the four seasons looked great, we just had thought that was Lumiere, turns out our hotel was in the same parking lot as the four seasons, but was an old brick building (Embassy Suites) they had tried to remodel and re-name Lumiere. When we pulled up we quickly found out our room was not ready (It was 3:30pm) they had a late check in at 4, however we had asked for an early check in. We had to wait about an hour for a non-smoking room and the whole thing just seemed a little shady. The hotel isn't bad per se but compared to what we thought it was going to be, we ended up being pretty disappointed. For starters the furniture in the room seems pretty worn, there are no plugs anywhere near the bed or by the office desk. Very annoying! The bathroom is pretty gross and small, for $250 a night I had higher expectations.

The hotel charges you $6 for 4 hours worth of Internet and when I went to grab a water to drink (from the hotel mini fridge) I realized both bottles had been opened and re-filled. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Work has been insane lately and I have had so much to do. I used to work with Hubbs for the same company, so it was great to see old co-workers and the owner of the company and I have remained good friends. He had me seated next to him at the work dinner last night, so it was fun to catch up. Hubbs gets a kick out of it but I was offered a job to come back to work and I have to admit it felt good to know I was missed. The owner of the company, lets call Mr. Big was staying at the four seasons, no multi millionaire was going to be staying at our hotel so after telling him about our room and how I was going to have to go to the coffee shop to access the Internet he offered to take Hubbs and I up to his suite. He told me I could work out of there the next day. We went up after dinner, and he is staying in the penthouse of the four seasons. The room is over 2,000 sq ft and is just amazing. I quickly accepted his offer and was looking forward to working the next day!

So Hubbs got up at 7:30 and left for his all day work meetings. I slept in until 10:30!!! It was AMAZING, I have not slept that late in years, I couldn't even believe the time. I woke up to several missed texts messages from Hubbs and Mr. Big wanting to know if I was working and in the suite. Big extended the offer again and asked me to join the company for lunch. We all got together and ate and enjoyed the view from the suite. Mr. Big was my ex-husbands uncle so we used to spend holidays together and I always enjoyed being around Big. Its weird no longer calling him family, but he told me last night he still thinks of me as his niece and he is happy for Hubbs and I. That meant a lot.

So right now I am enjoying my view and working at the four seasons, and will be sad to go back to our hotel room. About to leave to go shopping and enjoy my time here.

Nice to know how the other half lives, that is for sure. I took pics so when I get back home I will download them!! Super cool suite.

Our Getaway

2010-09-21T13:52:00.000-05:00

Hubbs and I wanted to take a trip, just the two of us and had been discussing some places to visit. The thought process was to pick a place we wouldn't ever visit once having kids or without at least needing to get a babysitter. Vegas came to mind and so we started to plan. We have been on a very tight budget lately and are really trying to save some money.   We have been doing a really good job and I am very proud of us, but we want to stick to that plan as long as possible or basically until I get pregnant. Knowing babies cost money, and there are a lot of unforseen expenses we are trying to save as much as possible now while we can kind of control that expense. We are also trying to make up for our summer visit with the son, and all the expense that costs us as well.

Planning a trip to Vegas and saving money just doesn't seem to go together. We started looking at weekends and quickly realized our calendar was super full and unless we wanted to spend several weekends away from home, a trip just wasn't going to work out. Hubbs let me know he had a work conference in St. Louis, at this new casnio hotel. He asked if I wanted to join him Wed-Friday and then we would extend the trip through the weekend. His company paid for my flight, so our trip is basically FREE! Music to my ears!!

Seemed like a no-brainer at this point, so we booked the trip and our 5 day escape starts on Wednesday. I have to admit I am pretty excited about this trip, not because of where we are going (Not exactly a hot spot destination) but I love the fact it isn't going to cost us more than a couple of meals, and a Harley rental (We are riding all day Sat). The rental car, flights, and hotel is all being picked up by his company. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER. Not to mention he doesn't have to take off any personal days (which he doesn't have anyway) so this allowed us to have a 5 day trip instead of a 3 day trip somewhere.

He has a couple meetings on Thursday, but I am going to sleep in, read, relax, and have a spa day at the hotel. Worth the expense I think.  It is the best of both worlds to me, a day open for me to spend by myself, and then the rest of the time with Hubbs.

It might not be the location we were originally thinking of, but we can still gamble a little if we want, and enjoy being away from home and major responsibility. I am looking forward to this time with Hubbs, we had such a great time on our honeymoon and I love getting to travel with Hubbs. So much of our travel, money, and vacation time goes to seeing the son, so its nice this worked out in a way that we could turn it into a fun trip. My Uncle lives outside of St. Louis so he and my aunt are going to meet us on Saturday for a Harley ride out by the river. Hubbs loves motorcycles and used to have a Harley before the son.  I know he misses it but its just too costly to have one again, and we live in such a heavy populated area it just isn't safe.

Fun getting to do things away that you do not ordinarly do at home. I can't wait to only have to share the bed with Hubbs (and not our 2 dogs) and excited to have blacked out shades and no reason to get up early!!

The countdown begins!!!!!

The "Positive" Side

2010-09-20T12:52:00.000-05:00

I do not know the reason or the cause but there has been some peace in our blended family life and I am loving every minute of it. Sure the majority of this has been due to the fact we haven't had to deal with PEG, we are not fighting with her, I am not fighting with Hubbs about her, and everything seems to be functioning at a drama free rate but never the less, it works for us.

I know my behavior towards this subject has changed recently and I have my pancreas to thank for that. According to my doctor stress can be a big factor and whether it's true or not, even thinking that stressing about PEG and our situation could be causing me to get physically ill, was enough for me to say I am done. I will no longer stress about her or her messed up life. I just do not care, nor am I going to care about all the PEG things I used to think about, and discuss.

She is not going to mess up my happy little life, and I am not going to give her that kind of power or control over me and my family. It just isn't worth it. That I do know, and I can tell those feelings have come across because Hubbs is starting to notice, and in turn I think he appreciates the break as well.

Call it a light bulb moment or whatever, but something clicked and I am going to stick with my new found freedom. There is currently only one worry I have about PEG, and that is the concern she might move her and the son away to be with her boyfriend. I realize worrying will not stop/help out at all, she can do what she wants, and we will suffer along with the son if that is what she decides to do. Either way she now has a house she would have to sell, so it makes it more difficult, and that helps ease that worry.

Again its a very faint and distant worry but it is there, however all the other garbage that used to occupy my head has since been cleared and I am making a point to focus on myself, on my health, and that of my husband. I have laughed so much these last couple of weeks, and have truly appreciated our relationship. I do love the son, and love having him in my life, but I am figuring out more about the role I want to play, and I do not want to be his mother.

Sure I can take on those mother roles when he lives with us for 6 weeks, but other than that, I just focus on enjoying him, our time with him, and the love of my life, Hubbs. Hubbs makes me happy, the life we have built and the family we have created makes my world worth living.

The ironic part about this new change in mood, has also affected us trying to make a baby. While we still are not preventing it, I am not going to track and chart things like I originally planned. I realized and informed Hubbs while I would love to have a baby, I am going to enjoy our time now, because we will never get that back. I am taking away the self-made pressure and just choosing to enjoy what we currently have, what is the point in that stress?

I feel so much better, I have time for other things, and I am really enjoying the positive side. My whole life I have been in some sort of race with myself to quickly accomplish things and move on to the next, as the years keep passing faster I am now realizing I want to slow it down and enjoy these great moments. We have plenty of time for all the things I want us to do, God has a plan and I will keep living my life, enjoying the precious moments and appreciating what I have.

I encourage all of us stepmoms, to de-stress, and enjoy our lives. Do not get caught up in the day to day struggles, change your perspective, get another angle and find the positive side. It is so much more enjoyable. It has taken nearly 3 years but I am making progress and am proud of myself for that.

Trip To Visit the Son

2010-09-17T12:39:00.000-05:00

It was such a good time, minus my health complications with acute pancreatitis everything was a blast and the son has changed so much since our summer visit. For starters he has already outgrown his clothes from Christmas which we had purchased larger hoping they would last. He keeps growing like a weed so his pants were about 2 inches too short. We had to get 5T to fit the length, but he is skinny as a rail. Wonder what size he will be in a year and a half from now when he is actually 5! Makes me sad to see him grow so fast, he no longer looks like a toddler but a young boy and it makes me realize how fast the time goes.

He is talking in full sentences and his vocabulary has really increased. I don't think he stopped talking or asking questions the whole weekend. He was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with him and I can tell our bond has grown signficiantly over the past 2 years. Those summer visits really help. He would come to me for things, or cuddle with me on the couch and I have to be honest, it felt great. He was all worried about my tummy and kept asking if I felt ok. I still worry I am sometimes too tough on him, but I want him to be a good kid, and I don't want him to think he can do whatever since we only have him on a limited basis.

PEG was pretty non-existent as well. Such a nice time, I had a blast with my in-laws and they were kind to try and get food I could eat and take care of me. I am lucky to have such a wonderful family. It was really hard to leave the son and I miss him like crazy. I am looking forward to the holiday season, and cannot wait to see him over Thanksgiving!!

Glad to be home, I am feeling better, able to eat some food, but being on a low-fat, no dairy, no caffeinee diet really takes the fun out of everything. Still beats starving!

So excited it is Friday, looking forward to the weekend. Hubbs and I have been traveling and have had work functions after work so I feel like I haven't seen him at all. Can't wait to spend the weekend with him, I am missing him like crazy!

Day 2 - No Food

2010-09-05T17:52:00.000-05:00

Well I have survived 2 days of only drinking clear liquids, and taking my pain medication. I still don't feel great but I do feel skinny. Even Hubbs commented on how thin I looked, I told him that was the only positive to this whole situation. He has now joined my diet to help "support" me, he is too cute.

I talked to a friend with chronic pancreatitis and he gave me some good advice. Basically I just need to eat bad food in moderation, drink small amounts on occasion, and avoid both if I am feeling really stressed or run down. I don't know if it is the drugs, but I have been sleeping like crazy, so that's a positive. Hopefully I can get in to the doctor before we go visit the son.

Hubbs parents are watching the son tomorrow because PEG "supposedly" had to work on labor day. We were super excited that we get to web cam with little bub tomorrow. Can't wait to talk to him. My parents came over to visit and take care of me yesterday, she made me some homemade chicken noodle soup, mostly just broth but she threw in some finely diced chicken breast and skinny egg noodles. I can't wait to try something of substance.

I will keep you posted, thanks for all the kind words of support.

I honestly don't care about not being able to drink anymore, or often but I CANNOT live without eating!! I am so ready to eat some real food.

Acute Pancreatitis

2010-09-04T11:37:00.000-05:00

So last night we went out to dinner with a couple of our neighbors. We have only hung out with them a couple of times before but they are such nice people and we all have a lot in common. Hubbs and I were looking forward to making new "couple" friends and were excited to have them as neighbors. So we went out to a favorite new Mexican restaurant that opened down the street and we were having a blast. The margaritas were delicious, and after taking a couple of bites of my food I quickly realized something was very wrong.

Almost immediately after taking a bite I started to have stabbing pains in my abdomen, I started to sweat and was extremely nauseous. Without trying to draw too much attention I ran to the bathroom and expected to vomit. The pain just kept getting worse, I felt like I was being hit in the stomach by a baseball bat. The pain scared me and I was bent over a public toilet praying for some relief. After about 10 minutes and several upset women having to wait for my stall later I started to feel somewhat better and went back to the table. I told everyone I wasn't feeling well all of the sudden and stopped drinking my margarita and switched to water. I had gone to work that day, got home, cleaned our house and thought maybe since I hadn't eaten much and the drink was strong the alcohol was upsetting my stomach.

Having stomach issues is nothing new for me. Last April, almost a year and a half ago I under went surgery to have my gallbladder removed. I had polyps in my gallbladder (not stones) and had gotten so sick in the end I couldn't eat without curling into a ball, in tears from the stomach pain. I couldn't eat much and couldn't drink (alcohol) either without suffering. I hadn't realized how bad it had gotten until I had my surgery, and after recovering, life completely changed. Food tasted so good, I could eat almost anything and felt great. The surgeon told me my gallbladder was one of the worst she had ever seen, there was a bunch of scar tissue that had built up around it because it was having to work too hard to function and it was good I had it removed when I did. She told me to avoid super heavy foods, and take it easy but could get an idea of how my body would react to food and said I should be good as new. I was for about a year but after getting back from our honeymoon the stomach pains started to come back. Not to completely gross you out but I was getting sick (not throw up) about 8 to 9 times a day. I went to my doctor, they worried I had gotten a parasite in Mexico, then determined I probably had an infection in my intestine. He gave me antibiotics and I started to get better. After that he put me on a drug called Align and said I needed to try that as well as follow you with a GI specialist. Colon cancer runs in my family, I have lost 2 grandparents from it and both my parents have had "questionable" polyps removed when going in for their routine colonoscopy.

I admit I was being a baby, I didn't want to have one, I felt like 28 was a a little young to be having these problems and kind of figured if I ate better it would get better. We have been so busy lately, work has been crazy and I didn't think there was much anyone could do. My plan backfired on me because after having to leave the restaurant and getting home the pain only seemed to be getting worse and I was scared maybe this had nothing to do with my stomach problems, and maybe we had in fact had gotten pregnant and something was horribly wrong, so we went to the ER.

After running all the tests and figuring out we were not pregnant, the only thing that did show up was a very large spike in my pancreas enzymes. I had more than 4 times what the normal level was. They did an ultra sound and my pancreas is swollen but there were not stones that they could detect and said I had to stick to a clear liquid diet until I could get in to see a GI specialist. They diagnosed me with Acute Pancreatitis. So there goes my labor day weekend fun! I am currently on hydrocodone for the immense pain and promethazine for the nausea and vomiting.

I am so down right now, I feel horrible, I honestly don't even want to eat but based on last night, alcohol seems to be the trigger. I don't drink all that often, I had gone about 4 weeks without drinking up until 3 weeks ago, then with family in town, a concert, and a HH I have had a few drinks. The two main causes are alcohol abuse, or gallbladder stones. I have neither which is weird, but hopefully after going to visit the GI specialist I will be able to get some answers. I am worried about getting to the doctor before we leave to visit the son next Friday. Keep your fingers crossed I can get an appointment this week so I can get back to eating some food.

Maybe I can loose some weight, haha just trying to stay positive. My husband on the other hand was amazing, he took such great care of me last night and was a total sweetheart. I am going to go back to laying around and enjoying the loopy effects of the painkiller.

Happy Labor Day weekend everyone, eat some food and drink some adult beverages for me!!

Weekly Non-Call

2010-09-02T10:20:00.000-05:00

Seems like ever since the son has been back with PEG we have yet to have a weekly call with him. So far the only calls we have had with him have been when he was with Hubbs parents. She has cancelled the call or has not answered her phone every other time we have tried to call.

The best was when she had moved the call 3 different times, and when we followed her instructions and called, she admitted she had forgotten and they were shopping at Sams. As you can imagine it was more than difficult to hear the son, and he was too busy checking out toys to talk to us. After our brief conversation she sent a text saying she was going to call back and she was sorry she had forgotten the call, we waited around, and she never called us back. It appears she is trying to make herself sound good, and thinks by sending a text saying all the right things, if we ever did take her to court we wouldn't be able to prove anything.

She sent another reply yesterday to the email, and basically said we could document whatever we wanted to, but these calls were not court mandated so she didn't see the point and thought we were taking the entire thing out of context. We needed to understand her life is just way to busy with a child and she has too much to keep up with, she said she will call us every Wednesday to let us know what day and time we can call the following week. WTF?? Seriously, she has been changing the call times and it still doesn't work, why would that method work now? Yesterday was Wednesday and guess what, she never called to tell us what day to call next week. Shocker I know. So we are just going to call on our regular Tuesday night and see if we can catch the son. It is all about control with her and something tells me she is still upset she missed her calls with the son over his summer visit with us and is trying to get us back. Unlike her we do not forget to call, so her plan isn't working too well. I wish she could see she is only hurting the son, but she is way too involved with her own emotions and feelings.

We are covering the son under Hubbs' dental and vision plan which is not mandated by the court documents. We are doing what is right and paying additional monies out of our pocket so that PEG can pay a cheaper co-pay and we end up paying more for the son then we already do. It is hard not to feel like we are constantly getting the short hand while PEG seems to suffer little to no consequences for her actions or behavior. I find it funny she not only told Hubbs he couldn't prove the text was from her, but then acted like she was doing is a favor by having the calls in the first place since it was not "court mandated." Why should that be the deciding factor of how to parent a child. She has the complete wrong mindset and I am hoping and praying she will change or be forced to change someday.

I look forward to a day when we can have a child and not have these strings attached. It will be nice to have something that is all ours, and a child that is not being used as a game piece to make advancements, and gain power. I feel for the son, I feel for Hubbs. It is a losing game, and Hubbs is doing the best he knows how. Ignoring her and hoping for the best.

Luckily we are going up there a week from tomorrow. I can't wait to see the little guy!

"Ya Can't Fix Stupid"

2010-09-01T08:51:00.000-05:00

That was the title of the email from Hubbs to me today. I figured it had something to do with PEG and I was dead on. Last night was our weekly call with the son, we called at our specified time from PEG, 7:00pm and her voicemail instantly picked up. Hubbs left a message telling her to have the son call him back.

We never heard back from PEG or the son. At one point around 8:30 PEG's phone called Hubbs and you could hear the son and PEG talking in the distance, Hubbs kept saying the son's name but after no one would respond he finally just hung up. Hubbs and I never discussed the call and eventually went to sleep after watching some of our TV shows. He has asked me to trust his decisions of how to handle PEG and I am trying to let that happen. We didn't discuss her not calling, and I have to admit it was nice, our evening didn't revolve around PEG, and we didn't argue over what to do.

I got into work this morning with an email from Hubbs titled, "Ya Can't Fix Stupid" and the email was basically a conversation chain between him and PEG. It was pretty humorous, below is the email.

-----Original Message-----

From: Hubbs

Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2010 12:30:18

To: PEG

Subject: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...
Can you tell me why the son did not call me back last night?

-----Original Message-----

From: PEG

Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 7:39 AM

To: Hubbs

Subject: Re: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...

Its your responsibility to call at 730

-----Original Message-----

From: Hubbs

Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2010 12:40:02

To: PEG

Subject: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...
The call is at 7:00 and I called and left a message for him to call back. Not much more someone can do than that.

-----Original Message-----

From: PEG

Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 7:44 AM

To: Hubbs

Subject: Re: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...
Since when has it been 7? From previous weeks it has been 730.

-----Original Message-----

From: Hubbs

Date: Wed, 1 Sep 2010 12:45:58

To: PEG

Subject: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...

Here is your exact text stating it is 7:00.
"What day are you calling the son? Tuesdays at 7? I may be working a varied shifts soon but we will plan on that for now"

-----Original Message-----

From: PEG

Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 7:50 AM

To: Hubbs

Subject: Re: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...

Don't recall that text msg at all anyway you can prove it was from me but besides the point every Wednesday ill let you know the day you can call for the next week its not always going to land on Tuesdays since we are becoming busier and busier

-----Original Message-----

From: Hubbs

Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2010 7:55 AM
To: PEG
Subject: The Son Return Phone Call Weekly Call 8/31/10...
Well maybe you should do a better job of "recalling" important things you say as well as returning the calls/voicemails made by the son's father to him. I will assume then that you are refusing to allow the Tuesday night calls at 7:00 as you originally requested and it will be noted.

The funny part is that PEG's phone some how dialed itself to call us, and it sounded like it was just the two of them at home playing around. She keeps telling us she is always so busy, has so many things going on. Why does she think she is the only one in the world with a busy schedule? Why is her time more important than anyone else? Why is it that we can keep the son for six weeks in the summer, something that is not our typical routine and yet somehow remember every week what day and time PEG should be calling? Funny part is she forgot her own calls, she cannot remember anything that she says, she can't even keep track of her own lies. I am sure it is just more head games as usual. Who knows what will progress or come from this. Only time will tell, I am proud of Hubbs for standing up to her and making it a point to say she is full of it, and is keeping the son from talking to Hubbs.

Hopefully someday we can use it against her in court. Keep it up PEG, keep it up!

Blocking Texts

2010-08-31T12:58:00.000-05:00

I posted yesterday about more pointless texts from PEG. I will admit they have lessened over time, and tend to only appear here and there (Or maybe I have gotten used to them), but there are times when it seems like she will never leave us alone and I get frustrated.

Hubbs and I have looked into several different ways to set boundaries with PEG and so far nothing has worked or it was going to put us out more then just ignoring her texts so we didn't do it. The problem is that PEG doesn't follow plans and hardly makes them, so allowing her to text Hubbs sometimes helps us nail down pick up and drop off times and locations. Maybe we just allow her to make it more complicated but I feel like if we couldn't text her or her text us we would get numerous phone calls regarding her change of plans etc.

We do not have a home phone and if we did we would have to pay for long distance so other ideas were to get a cheap cell phone that only she would have the number to. We wouldn't allow text messages on the phone (I don't even know if that is possible) so all she could do would be to call or email Hubbs. Sometimes I feel like I am making this a bigger deal than it is by going to all this hassle and expense just so she won't text the BF. Don't get me wrong I would love for it to stop but I think that would present a different set of problems. PEG isn't going to change, she will come up with different ways to contact us or bug us. Our cell phones are through AT&T and it says we cannot block a number. Even if he was to get a different cell phone for PEG only, we couldn't stop her from trying to call/text his other cell. He would have to change his number and since that is also his work phone, and a cell he has had for 10+ years, that would be a huge inconvenience for him, and for his job. They have an option generally used for parental controls for their kids where you can block/allow certain numbers to call or text. It is $4.99 a month and if I understand it correctly we would be able to block PEG from being able to send text messages to Hubbs' phone.

We have tried to tell her before not to text us, but she didn't stop and eventually Hubbs would start texting her if he needed her, ie: something about a visit, or to answer a question from her regarding the son..

I wanted to know what others did out there. Does your PEG text? Do you think it would be worth it to try and stop her from being able to text Hubbs? We would lose out on that documentation, I doubt she would call for every little thing she sends texts messages for so it might make the contact less frequent but there are no guarantees. Maybe it is worth trying out for a couple of months?

I worry about bringing this up to Hubbs because he has no problem ignoring her, he doesn't hardly even read what she sends, he moves on, and I know he likes being able to contact her via text if he needs to instead of having to talk to her on the phone. He will view me wanting to block her texts as me focusing on her and not the son. He will think I am back in the past and not able to move on and ignore her.

I cannot decide what to do and wanted some advice. Is this worth the effort or a waste of time? I have done better ignoring the texts, I only write about the ones that really bother me on here, and I don't discuss them with Hubbs unless he brings it up and we joke about whatever she said.

Hubbs and I had lunch together and I casually brought this subject up after PEG sent him two texts regarding the son needing to see the eye doctor and her wanting to clarify he would pay her back, and if he had the son on his vision insurance. So annoying we cannot even have a lunch without her interrupting. Hubbs thought it was a stupid idea to spend more money a month trying to avoid her when she would just call more or email him more. He said he ignores the texts and doesn't give it a second thought and feels that I am making this a bigger deal by spending time trying to find solutions to stop the texting when I should just ignore it and move on.

What is the right answer? Is Hubbs right?

The Weekend

2010-08-30T10:30:00.000-05:00

We had a great time, my sister in law and a couple of her friends flew down to visit and we had a blast. It was so much fun getting to spend time together without our parents. It was a smaller group and I actually got to talk to her and enjoy her visit, and that meant a lot to me. My sister in law is a year younger than me and we have a lot in common. She hasn't come down by herself, she usually brings friends and comes down with my in-laws. My MIL ends up catering to her like she is a child instead of letting her be herself, it can get pretty annoying. It was really nice to spend time with her away from all of that and just be ourselves.

PEG texted Hubbs yesterday morning letting him know she and the son were taking a little road trip back to her college town to visit her old roommate who went into labor. Nice of her to let us know she was traveling with the son I guess, but since she travels with the son and usually doesn't let us know, I knew there was going to be more to this story. Turns out her old roommate was having her child at the same hospital that the son was born at. Keep in mind Hubbs loves the son, but that day was probably one of the worst in his life. Here he was in a hospital room with someone he hated watching a child being born, who he wasn't even sure was his, and his poor family came and sat in the waiting room with PEG's family. PEG's father tried to pick a fight with Hubbs and my FIL, and was causing drama and saying they had no right to be there. He blamed his daughter being pregnant on Hubbs and Hubbs alone, and since he didn't marry her, PEG's father was even more angry.

Hubbs didn't sign the birth certificate because PEG had refused to take a paternity test, so he was worried the child was not his and waited for the test results to come back. Her family was livid about this, and couldn't believe Hubbs wanted to be 100% sure the baby was his. As you already know, they confirmed it was his child but that didn't change his hatred for PEG, or the situation he put himself in. I thought it was pretty amazing he went at all, but I am glad he did, he was there for his son, like he will always be, and even though PEG tried to make it all about her, and kicked Hubbs out of the hospital room more times then you can count, and then would ask for him back, he put up with her and took care of the son.

I sometimes think this is why PEG had a hard time letting go because in her mind Hubbs was doing all of this for her, and not for the son. Anyway, she kept sending texts remembering that day and bringing up facts about it and talking about how fast time had flown by. Hubbs didn't respond of course, but it made me sick to my stomach. I hate that PEG cannot move on, I hate that she feels the need to try and share these private moments with Hubbs even after all this time, after him getting married, it has been 4 years, and he ignores everything she says unless it directly affects the son. After all of that time, after all of the attempts to make a point to her, she doesn't get it, and doesn't act like she will ever get it. She cannot move on.

PEG keeps holding onto something that isn't there. Maybe its because she doesn't have close friends, or doesn't want to share those memories with her family, I just don't get it. Why would you continue to text someone who never wrote you back, is she really that desperate? Has she gotten so used to being ignored, she doesn't even think twice about it?

I know I will never understand PEG or her thought process but its hard not to take offense to her and her attempts at talking to my husband. I know it is no fault of his, other than getting involved with her to begin with, but he cannot control what she does, and since he cannot block her phone number there really isn't much for us to do.

We just live our lives and try to ignore her attempts at communication as much as possible. Its a losing battle and I know better then to try and fight it. I look forward to the day when we have a child of our own, and will be able to make new happy memories together, ones we will never want to forget. There will always be a PEG in our life, but she cannot stop us from living our lives, and loving one another.

Busy

2010-08-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

I am finally able to read some blogs, and catch up in the blog world. Things have been busy and I have been out of town on top of it all, so now that I am back I can get caught up. Missed my blog time!

A quick update, we had a leak in our ceiling (water heater pipe busted) so water was coming through our ceiling in our entry way. Not fun, luckily or fortunately I should say, it is all covered under warranty. Just a pain to have to take off work to meet contractors, and our house gets torn up. Either way it could be worse, so I am grateful for that!

I have been in Chicago the past couple of days for work, and other then getting up at 4am to catch a flight a couple of days ago the trip was great. Work is going really well, our meetings went good and the hotel we stayed in was so nice! The weather was AWESOME! I didn't want to come back but luckily we are having a cool front so temps are not going to get above the 90's. I will take it!

We have my sister-in-law and her friends coming in town tomorrow to stay for a few days. I am excited to see them, but have a lot to do to prepare for their arrival. The house is a dirty mess, and tonight I will work at getting it all taken care of and cleaned. I cannot wait to have a sparkling clean house, just wish someone could do it for me. :) Sad that sometimes it takes having people over to motivate me to do it.

I feel like our calendar is getting booked, with work trips, personal trips, trips to visit the son, and other events in our life, fall is going to fly by in a flash. I am trying not to get overwhelmed and just enjoy all the fun things we have planned and know everything will work out. I keep reminding myself that there is no need to stress but its in my nature to do so, nature of the beast I guess.

PEG has only been a slight pain lately, I think her BF is actually moving this weekend, but I could be wrong. I dread that because I think she has been distracted with her boy toy and a new job, so she has pretty much left us alone. Such a nice pleasant feeling, sad I wait for the ball to drop though.

I really need to get back to eating good, and working out regularly, ever since the son left, I have lost all motivation. I keep trying to get back on the wagon but it is SO HARD once you have gotten off. I feel pretty miserable and more tired then I should, and I know its because I have been eating like crap. I made a healthy lunch today which I am excited about, and hopefully can get a good workout in cleaning tonight. Don't you hate when you stop doing anything for a few weeks and just the dramatic difference you feel, I feel tired, I am more moody then I should be and I know I have the power to change it. I need to focus on the positive and get out of this funk! Anybody else get like that at the end of summer?

Hopefully I can get that turned around and get back to feeling good, which in turn makes me happy! So excited tomorrow is Friday!!!

Speed Trap

2010-08-19T09:40:00.000-05:00

I left work yesterday at lunch to go run some errands. I was on the frontage road about to get onto the highway when I thought I saw people in the road, confused I slowed down, later to realize they were cops, standing in the street shooting their radar guns.

I was the first pulled over in a 5 cop car plus speed trap. I was going 54 in a 40!! Can you believe the frontage road is only 40 mph?? Seriously I was so mad. By the time I had signed for my ticket, they had 8 other people pulled over. It was crazy.

Considering my ticket cost $219 I cannot imagine they money they made in a matter of minutes setting up their trap there. Wish they were out pulling over people who were really driving reckless, the road I was on, has nothing off of it, no buildings, no cross walks, no stop signs, no intersections, nothing. Its about 150 yards of a 4 lane road that leads you to the highway. Ugh. The easiest place to speed.

Not excited about spending my money on a speeding ticket. My first ticket in 7 years...lets hope I have the same luck this time as well.

On another note, Hubbs and I went out to a really nice restaurant last night for dinner. It was our date night and we had such a great time. Amazing food, very tasty wine and we laughed and talked the entire time. I love getting to spend moments with Hubbs like that, I love when it is just the two of us, no work talk, no PEG talk, no son talk, it was nice.

We decided that every month going forward that I am not pregnant, instead of getting down we are going to open up a good bottle of wine, cook a good dinner and celebrate our marriage. If for whatever reason we cannot have kids we talked about selling our house sometime in the future (once our dogs have passed) and talked about moving downtown, and rent a cool condo and live a different life we never would have planned on having with children. I have to admit it sounded pretty appealing, but nice to know we would still have a great life either way. All that matters is I get to come home to Hubbs everyday and count my blessings. At least we would have the son part time and enjoy him.

Hubbs response to my speeding ticket, "Babe, with the way you drive I am surprised it doesn't happen more often." He has a point, gotta love him. :)

New PEG Tales

2010-08-18T13:26:00.000-05:00

For those of you who sometimes read this blog, you are probably already aware Hubbs came from a small mid-west town. A town where everyone knows everyone else's gossip and loves to spread gossip and act like they are in high school. Having grown up in a large metropolitan city, trying to understand how a small town operated dumbfounded me. My initial thought was, why in the world would Mr. and Mrs. X give a crap about what you do? Seriously don't these people have lives?

Hubbs left that small town when he went to college and never moved back, but his family still lives there, and so does PEG, the son, and her family. My in-laws used to be friends with PEG's mother (PEG's parents are divorced) and would attend parties at her house etc, my sister in law was actually in PEG's sister's wedding. Crazy huh? That was over 5 years ago, and when my mother-in-law caught wind that Hubbs was "talking" to PEG she told him to stay away from her, she was trouble. Unfortunately the warning was about 4 weeks, and a baby on the way too late.

The son is now 3 1/2 so this drama unfolded well over 4 years ago, but whatever the reason, lack of good gossip I guess, the town and its people act like the PEG and Hubbs drama just occurred. PEG's family loves to paint Hubbs as the dead beat dad who left PEG as soon as he found out she was pregnant. Guess paying child support, flying to see the son every month, and filing the custody paperwork himself do not count as being involved. Their new course of action has been to seek out friends of my in-laws and claim that they can no longer be friends with both families, they need to choose.

Are you kidding me? Aren't we all adults here? Why should my MIL lose friends because her son slept with PEG and she got pregnant? Why is it any of their business? The new story PEG's family has started spreading is that Hubbs really wanted to be with PEG but his mother has control over him and convinced him not to be with her. If that was the case, he never would have "talked" to her in the first place. It is so frustrating, because PEG and her family only continue to make themselves more miserable by wasting their time trying to convince people they are good, while my family and in-laws are bad.

My poor MIL gets caught up in this, and I can tell it bothers her, she has a couple loyal friends but others have taken PEG's families side. After all they are the ones who waste their lives telling lies, and making up stories to make others look bad. My in-laws don't talk bad about PEG or her family to others so people don't fear my in-laws or worry if they do not remain friends with them what crap will be said or rumors started. Sad that people are scared of PEG's family so they don't want to cross them, you would think these adults would be able to realize none of it matters, I mean really, who cares who did what, bottom line it happened and I think Hubbs and his family have done an amazing job taking care of the son and being there for him. I guess PEG forgot about my in-laws taking care of the son while he was an infant for a month while she worked the night shift at her new job. PEG's family didn't do that, my in-laws did. PEG also doesn't think about the fact they have yet to turn down a request to babysit the son, they have had him the past two weeks for one night and take him to daycare, pick him up, feed him dinner, etc so PEG can train for her new job and not be stressed about the son, and her weird hours.

It makes me sick to think PEG believes the only reason she is not with Hubbs is because his mother somehow brain washed him into not being with her? It makes no sense and its crazy to fathom people buying into this, and now telling other people my MIL is the reason the son doesn't have a full time father. I guess they forgot about the fact PEG lied about being on birth control, she is a nut job, and they were broken up before she found out she was pregnant.

I realize these people only get PEG's side of the story and it probably sounds completely different from reality. The hilarious part of all of this is the fact that PEG's mother who has been engaged for the past year just recently broke off her engagement. Turns out she rekindled an old flame (who was married) so she broke off her engagement, he got divorced and now they are living happily ever after. The ironic part is that PEG and her family say horrible things about my in-laws, and make all these claims they are bad people, yet THEY are the ones having affairs, getting pregnant as teenagers, having abortions, and treating other people poorly. Just like PEG accusing us of doing certain things, it ends up being what she is doing, and then accusing us of. Why can't everyone in that small town see through the BS and make up their own minds? Better yet why can't they mind their own business?

TTC

2010-08-17T08:28:00.000-05:00

Before Hubbs and I got serious about trying to have a baby I had no idea what the acronym TTC stood for. It didn't take me long to figure out it stood for Tyring to Conceive. There are websites everywhere devoted to moms to be, places where they can chat, can ask questions, or just explain their situation looking for support.

I never thought I would get to this point in my life, the point where I actually wanted a child. I grew up proclaiming I didn't want to have children, and never planned on having any. That all changed with age and getting married to Hubbs. Maybe having the son in my life softened my view of having children. I love him so much, and feel such pride when I see him accomplish something new, if I could feel that way about a child who wasn't biologically mine, I couldn't imagine my feelings for my own flesh and blood.

I want to have a child call me Mom and one that I do not have to return and have such limited access to. I feel a child will help complete our family, will help build a stronger bond with the son and with Hubbs. I know it won't be all rosy, having kids is a lot of work but I am ready for the challenge and pray God will someday bless us with a child of our own.

Who knows how long it will take, but I am very excited for the future and excited about all of the possibilities.

For Better, The Science of a Good Marriage

2010-08-16T10:29:00.000-05:00

I am reading this book and have been for a while. I have not made time to read lately so I pick it up here and there and read about 20 pages at a time. Due to that and the fact I do not take with me when I travel, it has taken me a while to finish it. I think I only have about 35 pages left, so I am almost there.

The reason why I am bringing this up is because I have really enjoyed reading the book. It does not address stepfamilies specifically but it is the first book I know of that actually takes the science approach when evaluating marriage and lists scientifically supportive facts so that you can determine the odds of your marriage being successful. There are several quizzes to take throughout the book, and it teaches you more about your own marriage compared to what science has deemed to be a successful marriage. Whether your marriage falls in the high-risk category, or not, it makes you take a step back and think about your marriage, and what you can do to make sure you do not become another divorce statistic.

Hubbs and are I newly married but because of the blended family drama, it never hurts to take a different approach to evaluate our relationship and to work at making to better. You know the phrase, "Don't fix it if it isn't broken." I do not feel that saying applies to marriage or relationships at all. I think the people who put off working on their marriage are the ones who later, claim they have drifted apart and ended up divorced or worse yet, married and very unhappy.

I have previously failed at marriage and am determined not to be another negative statistic. I know the odds might be stacked against us but I refuse to let that define our relationship, or help lead it to crash and burn. Had I known then what I know now, I might have sooner realized my ex-husband and I were not a good match from the start. According to the book, we were at very high risk for a divorce. Since we had poor communication, and he avoided conflict like the plague, our fate as I see it was meant to fail. That does not mean that all couples that were opposites, who had poor communication are going to fail; it just means you have more on your plate to work on, and work past. My ex and I were naïve to think that our conflicts would sort themselves out. I have since learned better techniques to handle conflict and work on improving my marriage everyday as well as myself.

Reading this book, and take the quizzes with Hubbs gave me the insight into his perception of our marriage and how willing we both are to make it work. The statistics they gave on marriage and divorce was more positive than I have read in past books. According to this book, the marriage/divorce rate has a skewed calculation rate and when you actually look at those getting, married vs. divorced, couples are staying together more than ever. I like hearing that, as people today we are demanding more from our marriages, from our spouses, and while that can cause some issues, in the long run it is better for our relationships and in turn your marriage.

I recommend this read for any of you stepmoms out there. Take a deeper look into your marriage and see where you rank, and how to make it improve. If anything, it cannot hurt. Hubbs and I were able to better understand our love languages, by knowing he is not the jealous type I was able to avoid causing conflict when he did not get jealous over someone hitting on me. I took it to mean he did not care, and when I accused him of that, he felt I did not appreciate what all he had done for me. Easy to get off on the wrong foot, after reading this book, I feel we are better equipped to understand each other and know the areas to focus on in order to keep our marriage happy, and long-lasting.

Oh Happy Day

2010-08-13T13:19:00.000-05:00

It might be Friday the 13th, but its also friday and payday so it can't be all bad right? I am sitting at work badly needing to work on an audit but cannot seem to get motivated.

The summer heat is slowly melting my brain, I feel worn out and tired and cannot seem to remember my train of thought to save my life. It is so frusterating!

I am looking forward to the weekend, and hope to enjoy some quiet time and relax. We don't have any plans, I have a hair appointment tomorrow and cannot wait to get rid of my Madonna roots. They look terrible, and getting my hair done always makes me feel so pretty, I love that feeling! My mom is going to clean my teeth and hopefully I can get some pool time in.

I realize this post is compltely random, like I said my brain is melting, I cannot help it. Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Random Texts

2010-08-12T10:21:00.000-05:00

PEG seems to have some extra times on her hands, with all the stupid daily texts we have been receiving. Its annoying but I try not to bother me. So far since the son has been gone we have gotten at least one text from PEG everyday except for one. Hubbs has not responded to a single text, yet that doesn't seem to stop her.

What goes through her mind to want to keep texting someone when you never get a reply? None of her texts were important, none of them were about current day issues with the son. I can't tell if she is just wanting Hubbs to respond, if she doesn't care at all, or what her angle is but for whatever reason she feels it is necessary to keep sending these blurbs.

The most recent one from last night was pretty hilarious. To give a little background, PEG has a new man in her life, his name as far as this blog is concerned is Kermit. She has been dating Kermit for a couple of weeks but wants us to think it has been longer and they are taking their relationship to the next level. Around 8:00pm last night, we received this,

"Well Kermit just received an awesome job offer so he is having to move away we decided but it is best for him, he could never get a job that could staying here."

Hubbs and I looked at each other confused, "Why would we care exactly?"

A little over 2 hours later PEG sent another text, "Never mind he decided to stay."

I don't know if she is trying to get Kermit to believe she has a good relationship with Hubbs, or if she is trying to pretend Hubbs cares about these things to Kermit, I have no idea. I just want it to stop!

Two Steps Forward, Ten Steps Back

2010-08-09T09:52:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was our first weekend without the son, and we had made plans to go out on a date, relax, and see a movie Sunday morning. I had been looking forward to our date all week. I was in a great mood and was excited to try a new restaurant that opened up by our house.

Hubbs and I planned on drinking margaritas and enjoying some quiet time together. Maybe it was too soon to be drinking strong margaritas and talking about the son, because my buzzed-self decided to take it to the next level and bring up PEG and Hubbs ex-wife. My memory of how it all started or what all I said is a blur but it ended up with us fighting on the way home, and me trying to get negative attention. I locked Hubbs out of the house, wanting him to beg me to let him in. Instead he left the house and didn't respond to my texts or calls until he had been gone for a couple of hours.

I had no idea where he had gone and I was mad. Mad at myself for ruining our night, why do I let PEG get the best of me? Why do I take out her crap on Hubbs when I drink? I do not drink all that often and have a history of drinking and then getting mean and trying to start fights. I am a happy person, and overall am the happiest I have been in a long time. Is my life perfect? No, there are problems but no serious problems where I should be ripping my husband a new one for nothing in particular.

Maybe it was because we had just had the son for six weeks and I was feeling attention deprived. Maybe it was my PMS factored into this, but I was extremely emotional and said a lot of very hurtful things to Hubbs that I didn't mean. I wanted to make him mad, I wanted to hurt him and I tried as hard as I could. He finally got home 4 1/2 hours later and refused to tell me where he was. We ended up staying up until 4 am arguing and trying to hash out what was said, and then trying to make up.

He finally told me he had driven to the bar down the street and had watched the UFC fight. He said I had really hurt him and if I was unhappy to just get out, because he couldn't change the past and he loved his son and was never going to not love him or not be in his life. The part that makes me so mad is that I would never want him to be without the son, I would never want him to not love him. I love the son, but the drunk me (keep in mind this was off of two jumbo margaritas) wanted Hubbs to say he will love our children and love me over anything. I was excluding the son, something I have never done or have even thought of. I was so upset with myself over my behavior. I know I have been down since the son left, I have gone home and cried in his empty room because I miss him so much. Was I acting this way because I was hurt and wanted him to feel my pain?

Why on earth would I say such terrible things or try to punish Hubbs for having the same feelings I do about the son? What is my problem?

I am off the pill and we are going to see if God blesses us with a child. No rush and we are not really trying exactly we just are not trying to prevent it. I know these big decisions have brought up all sorts of emotions and feelings about our family, and about myself. It is a big step and I know it scares me. It scares me to want something so badly but have no control over that.

Hubbs and I made up and had a very fun Sunday, he told me no matter what he is not ever leaving me or wanting to get out of our marriage. I promised him the same thing, we cried together, but we made up and came to the realization I was a baby and needed to work on controlling my emotions. I have no reason to be insecure, I know that, but the drunk me apparently doesn't. My mom tends to act this same way, and it drove me crazy growing up. She did it sober but she pulls this emotional crap and sometimes treats the ones she loves most the worst. It makes no sense and I refuse to keep that cycle going.

I love my husband, he is my world, maybe I will just stop drinking all together. I don't enjoy it all that much and I hate the way it makes me feel. I am glad we were able to work things out but I still feel horrible for some of the things I said. Don't you wish you could get take-backs?

No Job

2010-08-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

Well after doing a little FB research last week we noticed a post from PEG (She recently made her wall posts public, it was too hard to resist!) that she didn't have a job.

She had posted it on one of her friend's pages and said she was bored and didn't know what to do with herself. She works for an airline and up until last week PEG only wanted to be contacted via her work email, so when she sent Hubbs a text directing him to only email her personal email, I thought it was weird. After checking her page I told Hubbs what I had found.

We discussed it and he wondered if maybe that was why she had not come down, but she was still working at that time. She had asked for Hubbs to take the son back to her early, so he thought this would be a good time to send his response to her work email. The email immediately bounced back, her work email was no longer in service.

Interesting......

She told Hubbs she was cleaning houses all day Friday, which is normally when she is at work. So something happened and PEG no longer works for the airline. I cannot imagine it being her choice, she just bought a house, she is back in school, and while we pay her quite a bit of child support its no where near enough for her and the son to live off of with a mortgage payment. It makes me curious, I asked Hubbs why he thought PEG hadn't used this as an excuse to gain more sympathy or ask for more child support. He figured she would think we could take her to court if we knew she didn't have a job. Who knows, all of this is pure speculation anyway.

I was tempted to have Hubbs question her about her current income situation, he could use the bounced email as an excuse. Maybe get her to fess up to what happened, or let us know what her plan is exactly. Instead we just ignored it and then last night she sent Hubbs a text and said she had gotten a new job and was going to another state to train, the son would be with her family. Pretty vague don't you think? We didn't know where or who the son was going to be with, or for how long. I made Hubbs ask, she replied a week but she didn't say anything else.

She later sent a text to Hubbs that said the following, "I just wanted to let you know since I would want to know that (mans name) and I have decided to have (mans name) involved more in the son's life than in the past we are aware of the challenges for the son that may come up if we do not stay together but I wouldn't do this if I foresee it being problematic with the son."

All Hubbs could say was "Poor Bastard." He has no idea what he is in for.

I Survived...

2010-07-31T20:39:00.001-05:00

I dropped the son and Hubbs off at the airport this afternoon and cried my eyes out the whole way home. In an effort to cheer myself up, I stopped at a fast food place, picked up a greasy burger and headed home to cuddle my fur kids. I knew dropping the son off would be hard, part of me was looking forward to some quiet time but I also think I was trying to cheer myself up knowing it would suck and I didn't want to cry.

The son was really upset this morning when he realized I wasn't going with him and Hubbs on the airplane, he kept asking me why I wasn't going. I just explained to him that plane tickets cost a lot of money and it was too expensive for us all to fly, but this way he could get some time with his Daddy and I would see him in September very very soon. He kept repeating how expensive flying was to me and gave me lots of kisses and hugs and told me he was going to "miss me so much."

Dropping them off and seeing the little guy walk into the terminal literally made my heart hurt. I know my feelings are truly selfish and him getting to go back to his mom, PEG is a good thing for him. I could tell the son missed her, but funny when he was headed back he started to act like he didn't want to go. So often during this six weeks we heard the son say the following:

1) No Life of a stepmama only my daddy can do that. Daddy you sit by me, life of a stepmama you are not my friend.
2) My mommy has that, my mommy does that....etc etc
3) I don't want to spend all day here I want to go back to (home state)
4) My mommies house has this, I do that at my mom's house...

I know he is a typical three year old but at times it was hard to tell if he enjoyed having me around or if I was just another adult telling him what to do all the time. He would often take back some of the hurtful things he said to me, and I knew he didn't know what he was saying half the time. His emotional ups and downs would make me question my parenting technique and worry I was messing things up. I think after seeing him leave today, that we did bond more this summer, and while he tested his boundaries with me, I believe he really enjoyed his time here this summer. I know that Hubbs and I definitely enjoyed him being here with us.

He told me he was really going to miss his room, and said goodbye to the house as we were leaving. He pulled his typical sad quiet behavior this morning, the same behavior we see from him when we are leaving our weekend visits with him. You can tell he is really sad and confused by being shuffled back and forth, since he hasn't figured out exactly what he is feeling or how to communicate it we spend the last couple of hours together trying to coax him out of his bad mood or just remind him how much we love him and of all the things he has to look forward to. I think that is the hardest part, the son doesn't have 24/7 access to both his parents whenever he wants it and that has to be hard for him since he doesn't fully understand his situation.

Either way I am so grateful for our summer visit. I loved all 6 weeks of it and would not have traded a second. The son is a bright, loving, happy kid and he brought joy to our house that will be sadly missed in his absence.

While kids are so much work, the happiness they bring is unmeasurable. His laugh made me smile and I have spent most of the day watching crappy reality TV and watching videos we taped from the summer. I hope the son knows how much he is loved and how much he is missed. I cannot imagine how hard it is going to be for Hubbs tomorrow, this is part of the gig but it doesn't get any easier.

Funny Story

2010-07-27T13:25:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday we took the son to the community pool. The son loves to swim and is getting good at it. After spending a couple of hours at the pool, we decided to stop for the day and head back home. Hubbs came up with an idea to go rent a movie the three of us could watch so we decided to head to blockbuster instead of going straight home.

We pull up to blockbuster and I casually ask Hubbs if he has his rental card, he says no, so I ask him if he has his wallet, he says no again, and then asks me if I have mine, to which I reply no I don't. So we get back in the car and head back home, it is kind of hard to rent a movie without any money. The son did not understand why we were leaving, so we told him we did not have any money since we had left it at home so we could not rent anything.

He replies, "Well I have money." We laughed and then he said, "My mommy has lots of money." Hubbs and I looked at eachother and smiled. He replied to the son, "Yes she does." So the son not happy that I did not respond says, "Life of a stepmama by mommy has lots of money."

I turned around to look at him (with my teeth clenched) and said, "Yes honey she does, your mommy has lots of money."

I thought to myself, "She does have lots of money, lots of OUR money!" Luckily, I know better than to share that with him but I had to laugh at the circumstance. If only the son knew the real story. If only….

Either way Hubbs and I got quite a laugh out of it. PEG has so much money she had to cancel her trip to see her son….Yeah ok….

Stepfamilies That Didn't Come From Divorce

2010-07-26T14:52:00.000-05:00

I own more stepmom, blended family, dealing with the ex books than I know what to do with. I have some displayed on my bookshelves but in an effort to look less crazy, the majority of them are tucked in drawers so my friends and family do not have to "worry" about me. The one common theme that keeps coming up while reading all of these books are, "Enough with the ex-wives, not all stepchildren come from parents who were married. What about us?"

I know there are several of us out there, the baby-mama-drama stepmoms. In my case Hubbs and PEG were never married, quite honestly they were not even in a serious relationship. Shocking to some I know but a lot of people are having sex, having sex with people they might be casually dating, not dating, or have no intentions of even calling the next day. What happens to those people if a baby ends up being the outcome of a bad decision(s)? How are we to handle those situations and how are those kids going to grow up?

It is a very different dynamic for a child to grow up whose parents never even lived together, or in the same city for that matter. The child has only ever known two households and their world is completely different from kids who had a mommy and daddy together but then they ended up getting divorced. Why hasn't that research been done, or published about those types of stepfamilies?

I used to look at Hubbs and his past as something a young kid would do, teenagers get pregnant all the time, and in my opinion its because they are still so young and naïve, they really have nothing to loose, so they make stupid decisions otherwise successful adults wouldn't make. Maybe that’s right maybe that is wrong, but Hubbs made his mistake at 31 instead of 19. He knew better, but he was not thinking and he will have to live with that decision for the rest of his life.

Mistakes can happen to anyone, at anytime. It is how we learn from them and grow that makes us better human beings. Hubbs is better for his mistakes, although I sometimes wish he had not made them. Either way that path led him to me and for that I am thankful, who knows what would have happened otherwise.

I just wish there were books about stepfamilies existing when there was no divorce, there was no loss to speak of for the children. The ex was not a wife or even a girlfriend. What then? What expectations should we have? What should we expect or understand about our stepchildren?

I may not have to deal with an ex-wife, my in-laws dislike PEG more than I ever could, and the son lives 12 hours away. I would love to hear from more women in my position, women who deal with this type of stepfamily everyday. I have heard from some of you and was surprised to learn there are so many of us. I cannot remember where I read it either via book, or via blog but more babies were being born out of wedlock these days then ever before.

Where are the books and research on that topic? Why is that becoming more of the norm?

Dad Life Video

2010-07-22T19:54:00.001-05:00

Had to watch this!! HILARIOUS

Dad Life Video - Watch with your husband, they will love it. Mine did.

I got this from Stepmom Wannabe's blog and I had to share.

Forgotten Call

2010-07-21T08:56:00.002-05:00

We are in week five of our six week summer visit. PEG asked to have a weekly phone call with the son and we agreed. She asked for two calls a week and we ignored her request. Not because we did not want to but because she can hardly make one call a week, and her calls upset the son. She spends 19 minutes telling him what all he is missing back in their home town, she lists every one of his friends, and mentions how she saw them or they came over to her house to play (she tells the son what toys of his they played with!!) and asked where the son was and said they missed him. She then even goes as far as to mention Hubbs' family, she reminds him how they live by her as well, and once the son gets back they will all get together and play. A complete lie, the only time the son goes to see Hubbs' parents is when PEG needs a babysitter. I guess he talks about his grandparents as much to her as he does to us so she uses that card to try to make him sad as well.

She tells the son over and over how much she misses and loves him and how it won't be long until he is back home with her. After this guilt trip has been laid she then proceeds to ask him if he is having fun. How do you think he responds to that? Well he was until your phone call PEG now he is sad, and you can tell he misses his mom and friends from home and at that point, he realizes he is away from her and it hits him. After a couple minutes have passed since the phone call, the son goes back to his old self, happy laughing and enjoying his time with us.

I realize she misses him dearly but does she not realize that her feelings do not need to be put on a three year old in a tough position. It isn't his fault his parents were stupid and got pregnant by accident and then figured out they hated each other. Why should he pay that price? I am not a biological mother but I imagine if it were my child at camp or somewhere without me, I would encourage the child to have fun enjoy what they were doing so they can learn to be independent. I would miss them dearly and I would tell them that at the end of the call, but I would not make that our entire conversation. I would not try to guilt them into it.

Therefore, I dread the calls from PEG on Tuesday nights, 7:30 rolls around last night and Hubbs' phone never rang. We let the son play for a little while longer (about 25 mins), than told him it was time to read a book and get ready for nite nite. We read a book, he read it to us, we brushed teeth, went potty and got him all tucked in. Still no word from PEG.

Hubbs left his cell in our room to charge and we watched a TV show and then headed for bed ourselves. PEG had texted over an hour later asking if she could call the son, then after no reply asked to call tomorrow. Hubbs just ignored her, he thought it was pretty funny she again forgot to call her son, the son she supposedly missed so much and couldn't wait to see 5 hours before the phone call, FORGOT! It is rather comical after all the parenting advice she has dished out to us, then she does not come visit him this summer and she forgets to call twice in 5 weeks. He isn't even my child and I remember our weekly phone call. I set an alarm on my phone it is not rocket science.

We fell asleep and I woke up to my phone ringing, it was my mother-in-law, afraid something happened I answered and she told me PEG had texted her telling her she hadn't been able to reach us all night and was worried something happened. I explained she forgot to call the son, we had not heard anything from her and by the time she texted Hubbs the son was asleep. She said ok and said she just wanted to make sure everything was ok with us, which she assumed it was but wanted to double check.

The nerve of PEG, I guess she forgot to mention she was an hour late calling, that is probably why we did not answer. She knows when her son goes to bed. We have plans tonight so I do not know when the son will end up talking to PEG but right now, we are enjoying our time with him, and I am not worried about PEG not holding up her end of the deal.

A Lost Friend

2010-07-20T11:39:00.000-05:00

I have been meaning to blog about this for a while now, but every time I start the post I cannot seem to finish it. I have trouble finding the words to express my feelings, so I get frustrated and put the post back to bed to finish for another day.

Stepfamily life is not easy, we openly discuss many of the positives, as well as the negatives but until you experience it first hand you just never know what your stepfamily or blended life is going to bring you. Life happens and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

Things are going relatively well in our blended family life, we are enjoying our time with the son, have adjusted pretty well to having a toddler in the house and I would say my relationship with Hubbs is going wonderful as well. We have had many discussions about the son, about our future and even though we have not had much "quality" time lately I love him more than ever. I truly am so happy to have found someone I love to come home to everyday. I miss him when we are apart and I hope that feeling never goes away or gets taken for granted.

Seems like everything is going just fine right? Wrong. One area I had not foreseen having an issue with was relating to non-blended-family friends. I have posted before about having issues with current friends and comments they have said to me. I have had my feelings hurt more times than I can count and I am sure out of anger I hurt theirs in return. Over the past year I have lost a very dear friend, one who for a time I considered my best friend. Sad we no longer talk and she has gone out of her way to cut me out of her life as well as our mutual friends' lives. Right as I was embarking into step-motherhood, she was embarking on motherhood and those two life events collided and things have never been the same with us since.

I cannot quite pinpoint where it all started to go horribly wrong but the jest was that I was supportive and so happy for her and her new child. She on the other hand was the opposite on me marrying a man with children and calling myself a stepmother. Hubbs never liked her or her husband from the get go, and often asked me why I considered her such a good friend. He saw her for who she really was and eventually I came to see the truth. I knew she could be selfish, her husband had a huge ego, and they could come off rude at times but we did have things in common, we had worked together for a period of time and used to be neighbors. As time progressed, and I started doing better in my career and life she seemed to be less happy for me and would give the impression we were competing. Sadly, to say I think this ex-friend thought happiness could be bought by owning material things, and often focused on what to buy herself next to fill a void she could not get rid of. I will never know what she truly felt but as Hubbs and I continued to take our relationship to the next level, we bought a house, and because it was nice and bigger than hers was, she started liking me less.

When I had gone through my divorce and was very low she was there for me, not always but she was newly pregnant and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I started to realize after time that she didn't really care about me or my life and spent much of our time talking about herself. I started picking up on this and started to distance myself, because I no longer enjoyed hanging out with her like we had done so many times in the past. She ended up quitting her job and moving to another state where her husband could get a promotion and make more money. They bought a large house on one income, with a baby and she was stressed but I think it was more important to her to have the house than to save their money. She would tell us about what they had in savings accounts, what they paid in taxes, she would brag about her husband making all this money while I sat quietly and listened. I could care less what my friends earn or how they spend their money, to each their own, and I was happy for her to finally get all the "things" she always wanted. She has been gone almost a year and in that time she has tried to alienate me from our mutual friend group, she has removed me from her facebook friend list, and while she came to visit she excluded me from the events she organized while putting "our" friends in a bad position. The question I just kept asking was "why, and what did I do to you?" One of our friends refused to have a party at her house is she was not going to invite me, the ex-friend decided to have the party else where. I guess I get confused because I feel like nothing happened to jusify her going so far out of her way to exclude me.

I truly feel she is an unhappy person and she is using me as a target for her pain, I am happy, she knows that and she wants me to join in her misery. Hubbs thinks it a blessing and tells me I should be happy, she was never a good friend and I would not have enjoyed "having" to go to any of those things anyway. I know it is right but it really bothers me when someone does not like me for any apparent reason.

I have not had a fight with a friend or lost a friend since middle school. Our mutual friends all think she has changed and her world revolves around her child. She stays at home all day and focuses on all the times she has been wronged. Apparently, I am not the only person she is upset with; I just took the biggest hit. I just don't know what to think, I try not to gossip about her or saying anything about her to our mutual friends. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to push me to say something so they can go back and tell her. I really feel like I am back in middle school and dealing with the mean girls.

It makes me sad all the time and effort I had put into our friendship, I feel like she was nice to me while she needed me but then once she moved away she decided she couldn't use me for anything so she cut me out of her life.

I guess this relates back to the PEG situation, there is no why and I will never find one, but it bothers me and I am working on trying to let it go. I tell myself she was negative energy that I did not need in my life but I do miss my old friend and hope she gets back to her old self sometime soon. I am just glad they moved away, otherwise it would be much worse.

Being a stepmom has forced me to do a lot of self-reflection and I think I have grown as a person, and have become more self-aware. I think some people do not like the new me, but I cannot and will not change; I just wish others would take the time to look at themselves in the mirror. Her and PEG could take a lesson from self-reflection and forgiveness. Some people just think the world revolves around them.

Why I Love the Internet..

2010-07-19T09:49:00.000-05:00

I have not been nearly as active in the blogging world as I used to be. No particular reason why, life has just been busy and I have not dedicated the time to trying to reach out and find other stepmoms out there. I was just keeping up with my google follow list and reading what my fellow stepmoms & friends were putting out there.

Today kind of, by accident, I came across a few other stepmom blogs I had not ever been to before and I loved it! I love meeting new people (whether in real life or by blogging) and I love getting to read about other stepmoms. There is such a comfort in knowing you are not alone, and feeling the way I do from time to time is normal, and frankly things could be worse off.

I am just so grateful to be a stepmom in the age of the internet because to be honest I have no idea how stepmoms before me handled their lives without talking to other women all over the world who were stepmoms as well. The internet brings us closer together, and allows us to quickly access information, as well as gain knowledge from other women/stepmoms that have been taking on this role for years and have a lot of experience and wisdom to share with all of us.

I am thankful for all you blogging ladies and look forward to reading new blogs, and meeting new people! It makes life easier for all of us!

Happy Monday!

Two Weeks Left

2010-07-16T08:46:00.000-05:00

How fast the time flies when the son is with us for his summer visit. In the beginning six weeks sounds like eternity and I spent my time worrying about being a good stepmom and whether I can handle the six week adjustment or not. About 2-3 weeks in, I felt comfortable and we got settled into our family routine. This is usually about the time PEG comes to visit. Fortunately for us we did not have PEG come to visit this summer so we got extra time with the son!! I could tell it was hard on him; he has never been away from PEG for more than two weeks. This is the fourth week away from PEG and you can tell he misses her, even though he will not vocalize those feelings.

I am sure it is a struggle for him, like any kid he wants to be with both his parents all the time. You can tell he misses her, but he is also very happy and loves spending time with Hubbs. Everything is Daddy this or Dad that, it is adorable to watch them spend time together. I cherish those moments, my heartbreaks for the son since he will never know what it is like to grow up in a home with both his parents. No child should have to suffer and constantly be missing the other parent. It makes me sad but that was PEG and Hubbs decision and the rest of us have to live with it.

Trust me it was the best decision, having a kid together doesn't mean you should get married, they have nothing in common and probably never would have happened had Hubbs not been in the mindset he was after having his ex-wife leave him. Bad timing I guess, and while PEG and Hubbs have to suffer, the son suffers most of all. I try to keep that in perspective when I get frustrated with the money we pay PEG, or when Hubbs has to leave to visit the son and I cannot join. I remember I am the adult in this situation and it worth doing what we can to make the son's life better. Right now we do not have kids of our own and we can do the type of things we enjoy doing with the son regardless of the cost.

I worry about how this will effect us (Hubbs, me, and the son) once we have our own kids, the child support is enough as it is, I can't imagine paying that plus daycare for our child, daycare for the son when we have him in the summer etc. I know it is not worth worrying about because things have a way of working out but I do realize that as we start our own family it will get harder and harder to spend as much time as we do now with the son. He will get older and be involved in sports, have close friends, he may not want to miss all of his summer or weekends to come visit us. He might resent us for having a family, PEG might brainwash him to think we care less. Plus Hubbs has been forced to miss so much of the son's life since PEG never moved to Texas, will he hate missing time with our children as well? We will not be able to afford traveling up there with an entire family. All I can hope for is that we keep our jobs, do not go down in pay, and can cut corners elsewhere to make it happen.

I want to start a family and Hubbs does as well but part of me feels like we are being selfish because it will impact the son, I just hope it impacts him in a positive way and hopefully he will be close with his sibling(s) and maybe want to come live with us someday. One never knows, we will just keep doing what we are, and hope for the best.

While I still think PEG is crazy, she has calmed recently, it could just be because we have the son and she doesn't hold her normal power card but she has been pretty respectful, a little annoying but that is to be expected, she is away from her son after all. I can only hope she is moving on and is seeing that her anger and games are a waste of time. I continue to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. We will see how things go once she has the son back. Either way I am glad she did not come down, and I am so thankful we have our summer time with the son; it has been so much fun.

Keep your fingers crossed we have a family addition on the way this time next year! 

United Front

2010-07-15T11:40:00.000-05:00

I couldn't wait to discuss our parenting style and wanted things to change with the son and his behavior. I think part of the issue was that I told Hubbs I wanted him to handle the majority of the discipline because I was worried the son would only see me as this person who tells him what not to do all the time. I am trying to work on building our bond and thought that technique would work better. I say not to do certain things, but if he continues to misbehave Daddy would step in and law down the law.

This did not work for us, the son then only saw Hubbs as the parent and I am not quite for sure what he thought about me.

I emailed Hubbs and told him about my frustration, I held myself accountable for my faults, and attached a couple of articles about toddler behavior and mentioned areas I needed to improve on and told him I wanted him to read them, then discuss a better plan with me later that night.

We discussed things and basically this all came down to a mis-communication. He pointed out how I was handling things with the son, and how part of his behavior was because of how I handled him. I had been guilty about rolling my eyes and telling Hubbs to "do something." I told him how I wanted him to support me and if I said "No" to the son I wanted to back me up. He typically does this but I wanted to make sure he understood how important it was for us, and for the son to present a united front and show we were on the same page. Since the son is young, and I have been in his life for half of it, we deemed it appropriate for me to handle the discipline like Hubbs. I was going to treat the son like I would treat my own child if it was just him and I. At times when we were all together as a family Hubbs would jump in and show he supported me by backing me up in front of the son.

I am happy to day it only took 2 days of this to get us back on track and the son back into a pretty decent routine. I feel a lot less frustrated, and I can tell the son is treating me with more respect. I no longer engage myself in power struggles with the son, I simply ignore him or take toys away if he is not acting like a big boy. Our new found routine is helping a bunch and we all seem happier.

I feel confident that Hubbs trusts me to take care of the son the way I see fit, and appreciate his trust, love and support of the son and my relationship.

Don't get me wrong, the son is a 3 year old and continues to push, but I have noticed a lot less pushback from the son once he realized we were not going to give in. Kids can be so smart.

Thank you for all your support and comments, really gave me some insight and good ideas. THANK YOU!

Backseat Parent

2010-07-13T09:35:00.002-05:00

It is challenging at times to sit back and just be the "stepmom" to not point out faults in my husbands parenting technique or jump right in and try to correct my stepson for any wrong behavior.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is a great parent but in the 3 ½ weeks we have had the son I have noticed the husband being more lax than usual, and is treating the son like he is older than 3. The son is pushing back more than ever, testing us and our boundaries and I do not believe my husband takes notice of this.

It is really frustrating to deal with a cranky, tired 3 year old, and I feel like there are things we could do to make him less tired or cranky but my husband isn't enforcing those things.

Maybe I just do not get it because I am not a biological parent, maybe my eyes are not skewed by our blood relation that I can see the son's behavior for what it is, without guilt attached. It is starting to wear me down mostly because I am tired as well and very tired of the son talking back to us. The son has started a new thing that when you tell him or ask him to go somewhere or do something, he firmly tells you, "No I am not going to do that, and you are not going to go there." He says this with furrowed eyebrows and slams his fist into his thigh. I tell the son that is talking back and will not be tolerated. However, when he does it to Hubbs, Hubbs thinks it is funny that the son is acting like a little boss and either laughs at it, or just ignores it altogether.

The son has noticed this, and now will talk back to me in front of Hubbs knowing Hubbs will not correct him. When I tell him not to say those things that is talking back, he tells me No and says my daddy said I could say that. I will elbow Hubbs and he just looks at me and says, "What?"

I realize 3 year olds will act like babies from time to time, will throw fits, and will try to control things but I am getting frustrated because I keep trying to talk to my husband about it and I get little conversation. He either flat out does not say anything back to me, I guess since I am making a statement and not asking a question he does not feel the need to reply. How do I get through to him? How can I clearly communicate how I am feeling and how do we get on the same page? Last night was worse than normal, he was busy mowing the yard and I could tell was tired from doing all the yard work. Is this to be expected? Not all nights are going to go smoothly; maybe I should sit back and give it more time because jumping down his throat?

We only have the son 19 more days but that can be a long time when dealing with a cranky uncooperative 3 year old.

Need Help!

You Knew What You Were Getting Into…

2010-07-08T10:36:00.001-05:00

Don't you love when friends give you that line? They ask how you are doing, you tell them, you maybe mention how raising a three-year old can be stressful and you are worried because your plans changed since PEG refused to come and visit her child. Then your friend turns to you and says, "Well you knew what you were signing up for, right? I mean you knew what you were getting into."

I am so sick and tired of this line. I very calmly turned to that friend and said, "Yes I married a man with a child but I hardly think that constitutes never being overwhelmed or needing to vent. I didn't see this coming and am now trying to get plans lined up in PEG's absence."

When someone talks about having a hard time with their child, is the response "Well you knew you had a kid, you knew kids would be hard." Talk about not being supportive and just saying something to make that person feel even worse. Yesterday was a hard day, work was overwhelming, we have a big weekend coming up and I have a lot of things to do to prepare for Saturday that I planned on doing while PEG had the son. Of course that is not the case (Trust me I am not complaining and am very excited about the extra time) but am now starting to panic trying to get everything taken care of. I guess this is good practice to being a Bio-mom, stuff with kids can change all the time and you have to be prepared and be ready for anything.

My second favorite line from friends is, "Well its his kid anyway, make him deal with it."

I have so many issues with this comment as well. While yes there are times only Hubbs can deal with the son, I married him, I too want to be a family, and the son is my problem. That does not mean I don't make time for myself or let the son and Hubbs have their own time, I do. I just feel like the two comments contradict each other and I wish women could let women vent stepmother or not and do so without trying to place blame or judgment.

Do you ever get this from friends? What is your best response? What are your feelings?

PEG Cancelled Her Trip

2010-07-06T13:47:00.001-05:00

I know I was shocked as well. PEG is not coming this week, she is not going to see the son, she changed her plans with little to no explanation but blamed me for everything. Said I was refusing to drive the son to the airport even though I was staying home all day so I was the reason she would not be coming to see her son, blah blah blah.

PEG cracks me up, why in the world would I be the reason she wasn't coming to see her son? According to her I am the step mom, who is never to be thought of or called mom. She made very clear she does not want to deal with me at all, Hubbs is the father, the son is HIS responsibility and she will only be dealing with Hubbs. So then I ask, was I the reason she couldn't make her trip? Why would she expect me to drive the son to the airport, so that she would not have to rent a car, book a different flight, or figure out the flights didn 't work and she would just need to keep the son here like she has done in the past. Why would I be EXPECTED to make sacrifices for a child that ISN'T mine? Why would PEG, the child's MOTHER not be willing to make sacrifices to see her child?? She sent a text to Hubbs on 4th of July that said the following:

"Okay we cant get a driver lined up for the son therefore I wont be coming just an FYI I will remember the fact Life of a Stepmama is sitting home all day and refuses to bring him to the airport I will not be bringing the son to airports for your visit once he gets older to fly unaccompanied to see you which would and could have been free enjoy you're extra wknd with him ill be talking to him on Tuesday about it I hate that it had to come to this Hubbs."

I was livid when I read this. I was mad she was using me as her scapegoat, I was mad she assumed I was refusing to take him to the airport, when I was never asked in the first place. I was only working from home that day because PEG was supposed to pick the son up that morning and then I was going to work. We pay $200 a week for daycare, if the son goes 3 days or less we pay a prorated amount of $143, and I didn't want to spend money paying for a full week when he would only be at daycare 3 days that week, so I got it approved to work from home that morning. When PEG advised she would be coming that afternoon I booked a couple of appointments for people to come to the house to work on some things since I was going to be there anyway. She wants us to drive the son to the airport in the middle of a work day so that SHE does not have to be inconvenienced. I would not have had a problem getting the son on Sunday but I do think PEG needs to figure things out on her own. She only has to do this ONCE a year for crying out loud.

She talked to the son last night since supposedly, she is working a double shift tomorrow night and she told the son she wasn't coming to visit. He still really doesn't understand and was fine about it all, he couldn't wait to finish watching his movie so he really wasn't in the mood to talk. It makes me sad she couldn't get her crap in order to come see him. I don't think her coming is an easy thing, I know what Hubbs goes through to travel every single month, and its hard. I find it amusing she cannot make it work for one weekend, but here after 3 years Hubbs has never cancelled a trip on the son or didn't make it, and he has had several things come up last minute. He never let that interfere with seeing his son.

PEG fought so hard to have her weekends put together, to get flexible hours and now she isn't even taking her time. She is a hypocrite and I hope one day the son realizes that. In the meantime I am going to enjoy our extra weekend and not worry about PEG. I guess in a way it all worked out.

Summer Trip Drama (Cont.)

2010-07-02T08:45:00.000-05:00

Since Hubbs did not respond to PEG's texts the other night, she sent him an email yesterday. It said the following:

"Hey

I don’t know if you got my text message last night? So I did some computing with flight times today. I am arriving into (your airport) at noon. Our flight will leave at 220pm on American to get in at a decent time. Is there anyway you could bring the son to the airport on an extended lunch time? We can come back on Sunday or Monday. They are my days off normally. We will arrive back into your airport at 425pm on Delta. I will need you to be there around that time since my flight will be departing on Delta at 620pm. Please let me know if there is ANYWAY you can assist the son to the airport. I would really love to see the son that weekend.
Thanks,

:) PEG :)"

She sounds so sweet and nice doesn't she? Amazing how she acts when she needs something. Hubbs responded buy saying not a chance. I admit not the best response but I think he was sick of her contacting him and annoyed that it wasn't enough we gave her the extended weekend, we let her pick him up early, and now she wants more. It is never enough for PEG and she keeps asking and asking, and then blames you and hates you when you say no. Typical PEG behavior, also similar to most toddlers.

Peg wrote back a snarky comment saying, "Because why? In the famous words of life of a stepmama….it's only hurting the son you keeping him from his mother."

Funny because I said that to PEG because she would not allow us the extended weekend with the son. She was not being flexible with us wanting to combine our weekends like WE ALLOWED her to do. However, of course, PEG uses that sentence from my email; changes father to mother, and think it applies to this situation. This is where I get so frustrated because PEG sees nothing past her own reflection, she does not even realize we gave her the extended weekend; we are allowing her to pick the son up early so they can make better flight times. All of which she has NEVER done for us. We are not stopping her from seeing the son; we have made it as easy as possible for her. Her not wanting to spend $50 on a rental car is her decision not ours, but of course we are to blame.

Hubbs did not respond so of course she sent a couple other emails trying to provoke him, when that did not work; she sent an email telling him this,

"Since you will not bring the son to the airport for me, I will find someone to pick the son up from daycare for me and return him to you for me. I will keep you posted, so you can inform daycare. What is the daycare names, so I can mapquest it.
Thanks!

PEG"

Hubbs then replied with this,

"He will be at our house with Life of a Stepmama on 7/8/10 so he can be picked up there and we will be at our house 7/11/10 at 6:00 p.m. or earlier for his agreed upon date and time of return. Please inform us who will be picking him up and what time on 7/8/10 so we can have him ready."

Peg then asked, "Is he not going to daycare?" To which Hubbs did not respond because it does not matter. Why would we pay for a full week of daycare when originally PEG had planned to pick the son up Thursday morning? We told the daycare he would only be there two days and I am working from home that Thursday with the son until PEG, or a complete stranger comes to pick the son up.

Later in the day with no other correspondence, we got the following email:

Hubbs (Full Name)-
You are creating a harmful environment for the son. I will provide you with a book to help you and Life of a Stepmama cope with a blended family, since you have no experience of one. I will hope this book will bring you to change your ways. If it does not, you will leave me with no other option than to go to the courts to fix it. I want you in the son’s life; I have done nothing but support that! The older it gets the harder it is for me to support it since you are creating a harmful environment. I have in detailed explained this, if you need to me explain this again, let me know. I will not stand by watching you take your issues with me, which maybe you need therapy for, on the son.
PEG

I have no idea what she is talking about, I hardly think me staying home with him creates a harmful environment. Maybe she is referring to the fact Hubbs will not take off work to drive the son to the airport. That is a lot to ask someone, and I find it funny she thinks he should be able to take off at the drop of a hat, yet when it is her phone time with the son, she tells us she is at work and cannot call until later.

PEG is a walking contradiction and it scares me to think she really believes she is a sane woman. The hilarious part is that Hubbs comes from a blended family. He has a half-sister; she is 2 years older so he has grown up knowing what its like for the son. His dad was married before and had a daughter, they got divorced, he met Hubbs mom and they got married and had Hubbs right away. PEG only comes from a divorced home, her mother just recently re-married a man with no kids, so actually PEG has no clue what it is like to be in a blended family, and the son didn't come from a divorced home.

Bottom line, she is CRAZY and I had to get that off my chest. Super excited about the long holiday weekend, and hope PEG doesn't find some stranger off the internet to come pick her son up because she doesn't want to pay for a rental car. She keeps complaining about how expensive it is for someone under 25 to rent a car, I checked four rental car places yesterday at our airport and the charge is a daily fee of $27. She would only need the car for that one day (only a few hours) and to rent a compact car is $23.00 a day with tax so we are taking $50 people!!!!! $50, a total of $100 is all she has to pay and she is claiming she cannot afford it??

Summer Visit

2010-07-01T10:02:00.000-05:00

According to our custody paperwork, we get the son for six weeks in the summer and PEG is allowed two weekend visits. Had Hubbs really understood the custody paperwork when he filed he would have changed a few things, and giving PEG the right to come down two weekends out of six would have been one of them. For starters, two out of the six weekends are spent traveling to get the son to and from his little mid-west town. So that leaves four weekends, and with PEG getting two, that really only gives Hubbs and I two full weekends with the son. Sucks when you look at it that way. The past two summers PEG has always used her two weekends, she works for an airline so she flies for free. We were hoping we could convince her to come down once, so when she asked to combine her two weekends into one four day weekend, we happily agreed.

PEG started complaining about missing the son on day two of his six-week stay. She claims to be on medication for her "separation anxiety" and claims to be having serious withdraw. I am not discounting people who suffer from separation anxiety; I just do not believe PEG. She forgot her first weekly phone call after picking her day, and then informed us she might not be coming down for her four day weekend. Her plans for that weekend have changed four times already and we still are a week and a half away.

On Tuesday when she spoke to the son (Interrogated him for 12 minutes!!!! That is another post) she told the son she missed him and loved him and would see him very soon. So Hubbs asked her if that meant she was now coming, to which she replied, she was not for sure and might make the 12 hour drive down. She said she had a leak in her ceiling (she just purchased a home beginning of May) and she was going to have to pay to fix that so she did not know if she could AFFORD to come down and visit the son. We received a text from her last night claiming she had to pay to repair her ceiling so she could not afford a rental car and asked if WE WOULD DRIVE the son to the airport on Thursday evening during rush hour and pick him up at the airport on Sunday no later than 6pm. I have a few issues with this statement:

1) When you purchase a home the seller pays for a 1 year home warranty, if there really was a leak, and was the cause of something breaking the home warranty would cover the cost and PEG wouldn't pay a cent.

2) What has she done with the $600 she just got paid for child support and she doesn't have the child to pay for? What about the additional $1200 she will receive over the next month all while not having the son or paying for daycare?

3) She claims she does not have enough money but she flies free. All she has to pay for is a rental car, the tax for the flight, and maybe airport parking. We cannot be talking more than a couple hundred dollars, yet she cannot afford that? She only has to do this ONCE a year!!!! She is flying to Italy the 3rd weekend in July, I may be stupid but going to Europe for 7 days CANNOT be cheaper than flying to Texas for crying out loud for 3 ½ days! A quote taken from PEG's email to me about a month ago, "Did anyone ask about me flying him (the son) down there and you can reinburse me for the expense? Very inexpensive."

4) Does anyone remember the email she sent me? The one where I asked to combine our August and September weekends since the son's summer visit was so costly and she told me this,

" DO … NEVER… word of advice with me. Talk discusses ANYTHING with money. I am not oblivious. If it’s that hard to afford the son with a combined income to have him for 6 weeks and the weekend visit. Think about cutting back, going out to eat, NASCAR races, Orange Bowl, Honeymoon, smaller house, selling the Lexus. The son may not get to live in a big house and be transported in nice cars or get to go to NASCAR races or whatever. But I will never miss an opportunity to be with him. Could I have made it work yes, but you also have to put into prospective what I do, to see the son for two wknds. Yes, my flights are free but, car rental being under 25 makes it expensive, out to eat pretty much, finding things to do that is not out doors all day and not sitting in a hotel on a much less income that him by ALL means. All Hubbs does is pay for flights. Please do not discuss money with me or bring it up how it’s a hardship. "

Hubbs ignored her request and her texts and said she can figure it out. She needs to learn what it is like to have to travel to see the son since she thinks we have it so easy. She has no idea how costly flights, airport parking, having to board our dogs, take off work, and then the expense of entertaining the son while up in his town, we pay Hubbs parents for gas and for helping us out. All we save is not having to get a rental car or a hotel but we have to do that 12 times a year. So I think PEG can figure it out for one weekend.

She claimed at first she was going to take the son to visit her sister in another state way up north, that then changed to just flying the son back to their mid-west state to stay in their house, to then flying the son to Atlanta to stay with the psycho ex-neighbor of Hubbs, to now supposedly staying in our town in Texas.

There are things to do indoors for the son as well, things that aren’t very costly. There are also hundreds of city parks they could go play at, they could go see a movie, go to the zoo, do the indoor aquarium. She has several options of things to do, a hotel wouldn't cost more than a couple of hundred dollars if she couldn't get her sister to get her a free hotel. I told Hubbs I was not comfortable with her staying in a big city without a rental car, we do not have a good public transportation system and what if the son had an accident and needed to be rushed to the hospital? She needs to rent a car; it would not be safe otherwise. It would easily take us 2-3 hours to get the son to the airport and back that Thursday. We live an hour away from the airport and that is not counting traffic. I could understand being more flexible if PEG had been with us, or if PEG was willing to drive the son to the airport, but she isn't and we are not going to continue to make it easy on her. We pay her child support, she has the money, if she doesn't want to spend it, then that is her choice.

She decided to purchase a home, an old home, and that was her decision. Being a homeowner means having to pay for the unexpected. She took on that responsibility along with having a child at the ripe old age of 20. I have no sympathy for her at all, and I honestly do not even believe anything happened to her house. I think she wants to fly the son back to their home town, but doesn't want to have to waste money renting a car, so she came up with an excuse to try and get us to help.

Sorry sister, not this time. We already gave her the opportunity to combine her weekends, we gave her the option to pick up the son early. She can figure out the rest, she is a big girl now.

I will keep you posted whether she comes or not, I am sure there will be some drama between now and then.

New Daycare

2010-06-25T09:19:00.000-05:00

We have the son enrolled in a new daycare in the city that we live in so both Hubbs and I can take/pick up the son with little hassle since the school is so close to our house. Last summer we had him at the same chain of day-care but it was one by our work since Hubbs and I used to work together.

Yesterday was the son's second time to attend daycare and as our schedule goes, Hubbs takes him in the mornings and I pick him up since I get off at 4pm.

As a stepmom its a little nerve wracking walking into daycare to pick up your stepson who has only been in your care less than a week in front of all the other kids and workers. I am sure I get more nervous than necessary but I am always anxious as to how the son is going to act when I show up, will he refuse to go home with me, will he cry for daddy? These are the thoughts that run through my head…stupid?....probably but then again I am new and being a stepmom is new so I am still adjusting.

I digress, I walked into daycare yesterday right as all the kids were sitting on the reading rug listening to the teacher read them a story. I could not see the son but the second I walked in all these little kids started saying, "(The son's name) your mommy is here to pick you up, (son's name) your mommy is here!" Then the teacher said to the son, your mommy is here to pick you up, at which point I had walked through the room and could see him sitting behind the furniture, he had a big smile on his face.

He got up and ran over to me and said, "Let's go, where is daddy?" I reminded him I pick him up and daddy is still at work so we were going to go home and play until daddy got home. The son was cool with that answer and asked that I please hold him. I love when he asks me that, we had to stop on our way out and look at all the other classrooms through the windows to see what age group of kids were inside.

He has been such a great little boy and I am so proud of him. Can't wait to pick him up today!

One Year

2010-06-24T08:05:00.000-05:00

Happy Anniversary blog, somehow we have made it an entire year together! I remember starting this blog, two weeks into last summer's visit with the son, newly living with my then boyfriend, now Hubbs and I was in a typical stepmom panic. PEG was crazy and I needed a shoulder to cry on and a face to punch. Blogging did just that for me. However I unexpectedly gained more than that from blogging, I made a bunch of new blog friends. I was overwhelmed by the unexpected support I received from fellow stepmoms. I felt like we were coming out of the woodwork gasping for air and it felt great to be able to connect with other women who understood what I was going through. What a relief!!

Thank you friends for your comments, your continued support and the fact you cared enough to read what I wrote, and managed to look past the bad grammar and spelling errors. THANK YOU!

I realize I have a ways to go as far as my stepmom journey is concerned, but I could not have made it this past year without you. My happiness and sanity depended on it.

I hope to look back on a couple of old posts and compare my progress and journey to what I was going through then. Of all the things I wanted to get in return from having a blog, the most important was having an avenue to be open and honest and be able to vent my anger and frustration. I never wanted it to be negative but knew I needed a place to get that negativity out so it did not affect my real life outside of blogging. Sure, I have made my mistakes but overall I feel good about this blog and myself. I hope to continue writing for as long as I can, and I love being able to look back and catch a glimpse of the past, to read my words, remember that time, and leave it where it belongs, the past.

The future is an exciting place and I hope you are all there to join in it with me!

Having fun with the Son

2010-06-23T09:26:00.001-05:00

The son was a perfect kid yesterday for Mimi (my mother) and they seemed to have a blast. I was relieved to know things went well and could tell my mom very much enjoyed her time. We played all last night after work, took the son to Big Lots and got him a toy mower, a pair of sunglasses, and of course a new hot wheels car all for $7!! He was thrilled to pieces to come home and help his daddy mow. I took many pictures and enjoyed watching the two of them.

We had quite a busy evening, and after dinner, we told the son his mom was going to be calling to which he said, "No I don't want to talk, I want to go play." We told him the call would not take long and of course, we knew he would want to say hi to hi mommy. Well 7:30 came and went with no phone call. We waited another 20 or so minutes and decided it was time to give the son his bath. We were getting close to bedtime and could not wait on PEG forever.

I could not believe she did not call, or even text or say anything, it was as if she had completely forgotten. I find that EXTREMELY funny since earlier that day she was again demanding the daycares number, kept going on and on about herself, and asking for more phone time, yet there we were waiting for her to call, 45 minutes late!

I finally asked Hubbs to just text her to ask if she was at some point going to grace us with her phone call. I told him she would eventually remember and this would end up taking up tomorrow night or the night after that, better to get the call taken care of in the same night. That is the part that is so frustrating about PEG, nothing is EVER easy with her. What should have been a 5-minute phone call turns into a 2 hour debacle with us debating on what to do or how to handle the situation. Should we ignore it altogether, her fault, she missed out, or should we remind her and hopefully get her to call the son.

He sent her a text to which she responded, "Oh yea sorry I am at work, give me 5 minutes to wrap this up and then I will call."

So PEG picked the day knowing she would be at work and never said anything to us? It was now past 8:00, the son was too busy playing in the tub so Hubbs told her we were giving him a bath and would call her when he was done. He also asked that if she was not going to be calling at her time to please let us know in advance.

In typical PEG fashion, this somehow was our judgmental fault, instead of saying ok and making some apology she said, "What I am at work, its not like I am sitting at the couch or something. Call me when he gets done and I will call you back as soon as I can."

What happened to the mom who could not go another day without talking to her child? Where was the mother that asked for more than one phone call a week but so far could not even make one phone call? Where was the mother who was so upset and broken up about the fact her son was not with her? Where was her special bond now? I was frustrated that she couldn't even follow up with a phone call, that she didn't see anything wrong with it, and as usual was the bad parent in this situation but would never admit it or see the error of her ways.

In the past year we have NEVER forgotten to call the son, if the call was moved or cancelled it was because PEG either forgot or was busy and the son could not talk to us. Funny how when the tables are turned and PEG needs to step it up as the long-distance parent she fails and doesn't remember to call the son. She is a walking hypocrite and I am so sick and tired of her crap, if she really had not forgotten and really was just at work don't you think she would have texted and said, "Hey I can't call right at 7:30, I am going to be a little late." How hard is it to text someone?

When we called her closer to 8:30, she answered but was on a work call and was helping some client book a trip, so we hung up the phone. She called about 15 or so minutes later and the son finally got to talk to his mother, more than an hour past the scheduled time.

After we got off Hubbs starting getting texts from PEG accusing the son of calling me mom, and how dare we coach him, and she told Hubbs the son could never call me mom, he only has one mom and that’s it, how dare us. We both looked at each other confused, the only person he calls mom, is PEG, he said mom while on the phone but he was talking to her, not to me. Why she thought he would call me mom while on the phone with her is beyond me. Hubbs just ignored her. I think she was trying to focus on something else so we would not bring up the fact she forgot about the call, who knows who cares. Bottom line, I know Hubbs and I are great parents and love the son more than anything. I do not care what PEG thinks because I know the truth and hopefully the son will as well.

We woke up this morning to this text:

"I didn't mean to get so upset by it you just know how I feel about the mom thing since I was prego and the son knows her as Life of a stepmama and it annoys me you coached him on it when he will see her at holidays and summer vakay and maybe a wknd here and there I wish you would have let it develop on its own or coached a different name Like mimi which sounds Like Life of a stepmama's mom is called that but you get the jist.

The son will never call my husband or boyfriend dad bec even though my other will be involved way more than you when you count days its not his dad you are I'm reading a book called blending families its a good book and somethings I realize I need to let go consistency between households will fail but the key is communication. I will be giving it to you when I'm done majority would pertain to a family adjusting to a step parent Like you and Life of a stepmama I think itd be good to read just as an expert insight not saying you need it or whatever its just a good book and I think its a valuable resource. Sorry about the highlighting I highlight when I read anything a newspaper phonenook ect."

Don't be fooled by the new found niceness, I almost fell for it to, until I realized PEG knows she doesn't have the son, we do, so she isn't going to try and make us mad so we don't take away her 4 day weekend visit or whatever other caviot we have given her. PEG is no dummy she will always play nice to get her way when she has to, but the minute she gets the son back she goes back to her old ways. I do find it interesting she is reading a blended family book, I think that is good regardless, I just hope it to be true. I also find it funny she is now supposedly going to give up on consistency between homes. Anyone could see that was not realty but hopefully she means some of what she says, and as time goes on she will realize this is the situation, it is not going to change, we will not become friends, but we will love the son and be the best parents to him that we can be, and that should be enough.